BudgetTravel

Kris Zahrobsky, a 25-year-old firefighter from the Chicago suburb of Berwyn, Ill., is a member of the Feelys, a family based mostly in the Midwest that for generations has tried to keep in touch and get together every other year or so. When Kris was growing up, the reunions were simple affairs, maybe in someone's backyard or at a state park. There wasn't a whole lot to do besides catch up, eat, and pose for pictures. "It was great to see all the relatives," says Kris, "but I remember being bored out of my mind."

For the 2005 reunion, Kris proposed a different kind of get-together--a weekend in the Wisconsin Dells, a destination that overflows with family resorts and water parks. "The Dells was my first choice," says Kris. "In the same building, the kids can go to the water park while the parents sit and relax." The Feelys decided to base the reunion at the Kalahari Resort, which has indoor and outdoor water parks, a banquet hall that can host a big family dinner, and all sorts of rooms and suites. Last fall, Kris even set up a website to post family news and a reunion itinerary, including times for group boat tours, casual gatherings in a hospitality room, and a mass on Sunday morning. The Feelys are expecting this summer's gathering to be the best turnout in years: around 200 people from 18 states, with some members of the extended family who haven't attended a reunion since the 1970s.

In 2001, senior editor Brad Tuttle's family reunited in Playa del Carmen, Mexico (Cara Ranft)

If you expect people to devote vacation time and endure hours of travel, the least you can do is make the reunion fun. Rather than the traditional backyard barbecue or potluck in someone's crowded living room, more and more families are going on cruises, renting a few beach houses, or heading to all-inclusive resorts.

Planning a big reunion is difficult enough. Add in coordinating a vacation that jibes with everyone's budget, schedule, and desires, and the job becomes nearly impossible. Age-old rivalries and differences don't help either. "You find out how dysfunctional your family is when planning a reunion," says Stacey Hopkins of Atlanta, Ga., whose family reunion of 150 to 200 people takes place every other year, usually somewhere in the eastern U.S. "Our family has a lot of alpha females, and it's not pretty when people don't agree. The experience can be traumatic."

From the planning stages to exchanging pictures after the trip's over, everyone involved should try to be flexible and keep things pleasant. "Don't talk about religion, politics, and child rearing," says Laurence Basirico, author of The Family Reunion Survival Guide. "Not if you expect everybody to have a good time, anyway."

There are many ways to make the experience as painless--and as fun--as possible, and we've done some of the homework for you. The consensus is that you should begin planning a reunion at least a year in advance, to allow time for deciding where to go and when, to give everyone ample warning for taking off work, and to make sure rooms will be available. If you've got a reasonably big group--over 20, say--lodging reservations should be made eight or more months ahead. Memorial Day to Labor Day is prime family reunion season because kids are out of school. The Christmas break is also popular, but prices are sky-high and many people have traditions they like to keep at home, as well as commitments to the other side of the family.

It's usually clear who'll be the reunion ringleaders--the same crew of matriarchs (and sometimes patriarchs) who host Thanksgiving dinners and send cards to everyone on their birthdays. "Somebody's gotta take charge, but no one should do it alone," says Basirico. "When things get going, have a travel agent serve as a neutral third party." People won't be offended when an agent says there's a deadline for deposits (and it's handy to have an outsider to blame should things go wrong).

After a few casual conversations indicate that there's a fair amount of interest, one of the ringleaders should send out a group e-mail. To keep the conversation from literally going all over the map, offer roughly three possibilities. List a few pros and cons for each, as well as ballpark costs. To avoid any confusion, specify up front who will have to pay for what. Some people will want to go camping while others will lean toward five-star resorts, so compromise is essential. Organizers of the Feely reunion in Wisconsin Dells knew that not everyone wanted to pay over $100 a night at the Kalahari Resort, so they provided booking details for a nearby campground.

Have each family pick a leader to voice its concerns and, if necessary, put the decision on where to go to a vote. Don't get hung up if someone doesn't want to go or cancels at the last minute. Carry on with the people who want to be there.

Figuring out food and activities on a vacation can cause anxiety for a couple, let alone for a group of 50. That's why cruises and all-inclusive resorts are naturals for reunions. They provide home bases for fun and relaxation, and you always know where meals will be. "Cruise reservations are no-nonsense: X tables at X times," says Kathy Sudeikis, president of the American Society of Travel Agents. "Anywhere else, when you have to do dinner for a big group, it's like moving the Fifth Army."

Some families prefer a place that's within driving distance of a majority of the attendees. A beach, mountain retreat, or small town can do the trick--but planners should be sensitive to anyone traveling a long way. No one wants to drive five hours after a six-hour flight. The reunion shouldn't be held in anyone's backyard either, because whoever's local might wind up bearing the burden of playing host and tour guide.

Every traditional vacation spot in the U.S. has a convention and visitors bureau (CVB), and you should put these organizations to work for you. Contact the CVBs of your top choices and tell them how big your group is and what you're interested in doing. They'll pass along your info to hotels, resorts, car-rental agencies, restaurants, and attractions--who in turn will send you offers, coupons, and brochures catered to your needs. Hotels and resorts are willing to give perks to big groups, whether it's a corporate retreat, a business conference, or a family reunion. "Put the ball in the venue's court and ask what dates can get you the most value," says Jonathan Miller, former president of the National Association of Reunion Managers (reunions.com). "Leverage the size of your group in terms of how much business you're bringing to the hotel." If you're not staying in an all-inclusive, it's probably worth it to pay a little extra for rooms with kitchens--or ask that the hotel provide them at no additional charge--because you don't want to run to a restaurant every time a child is hungry for a snack.