Confessions Of... A Concierge

'We bring the crazies out of the woodwork'

Our confessor has worked for over 10 years in Europe as a bellboy, valet parker, and doorman. He's currently a concierge at a world-renowned luxury hotel. He'd prefer to remain anonymous.

Joining the brotherhood. A fair number of concierges are graduates of training schools, but working your way up gives a level of knowledge, patience, and technique that can't be taught. Perhaps more important than experience are contacts--the people who can whip up concert tickets or secure a table at the hottest restaurant at a moment's notice. A good concierge knows how his hotel and his city really work.

We've seen it all. Guests make every imaginable request, even asking for yachts or private planes. Sometimes ordinary requests take on a strange twist. I once made a reservation at a top restaurant for a nice couple. After the couple arrived for dinner, the maître d' called. "I thought you said Mr. and Mrs.," he said, reining in laughter. "It was more like Mrs. and Mrs." The husband had arrived in full drag. We also see our share of businessman-and-"secretary" combos, people who we'd swear are arms dealers, and celebrities of every level. We found out (after the fact) that a wedding at the hotel was a fake--a porn producer was using the setting for his latest video.

Hotel or mental hospital? As a fine hotel that caters to guests 24/7, we bring the crazies out of the woodwork. Oddballs come here to insulate themselves from the world, sometimes for weeks. One such guest got belligerent when I informed him a fax didn't come through: "You do what I tell you," he yelled, "and shut the #&$@ up!" The management tends to avoid kicking rich or influential guests out. If you're creepy, but not a top customer--like the guy who sprayed perfume on all the male servers and then sniffed them, saying, "Mmm, you smell good"--then we'll boot you in a heartbeat.

Communication and respect. Feel free to contact the concierge ahead of time for advice (e-mail is best), but don't go overboard with too many questions. You won't get any better service from me by using the dime-a-dozen phrase "I'll take care of you if...." Be courteous, and treat me like the professional I am, and the sky's the limit. Tipping $10 or $20 per service is usual, but no matter how much you tip, a respectable concierge won't be your pimp or drug dealer. Guests inquire about one or the other all the time, and my response is always the same: "I'm sorry, sir. That isn't a service we offer."

Note:This story was accurate when it was published. Please be sure to confirm all rates and details directly with the companies in question before planning your trip.
 
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Travel Tips

Tagged
Hotels
424315

Try getting a discount on your hotel room by offering to pay in cash. A hotel reservationist suggested this approach when I phoned to reserve at a hotel in London. I asked if the hotel could grant a discount based on my AARP or AAA membership, as many hotels do in the United States. Her response was that the only discount she was able to offer was 10 percent if I paid in cash.

— Joan Nikelsky
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Packing
386275

When carrying around my small umbrella, I put it in a Ziploc bag. After using it, I can store the umbrella, back inside the Ziploc, in my shoulder bag without getting everything else soaked.

— Sandy Sussman
Tagged
Hotels
417338

Rather than automatically using your hotel's valet parking, you should check to see if there's an adjacent parking lot or garage that offers a better rate. On a recent trip, I was able to park across the street from my hotel for $10 per day--versus $27 per day to valet park with the hotel.

— Charles LaFleur
Tagged
Planning
342244

Certified scuba divers who take prescription medications should keep a doctor's permission-to-dive statement with their certification cards. On a recent trip to Jamaica, I truthfully completed a lengthy questionnaire about my health, revealing that I have medically controlled high blood pressure and cholesterol. I was told I could not dive without a doctor's OK, even though I exercise regularly, am very fit, and have no other health issues. I now carry a letter from my doctor attesting to my fitness for scuba diving.

— Ginny Ganthner
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Air Travel
360256

I was booking tickets online for an upcoming flight to Europe from the East Coast. One particularly attractive fare was offered on a U.S. airline as well as on its foreign "partner airline." Same plane, same flight, same base price. But it was more than $100 cheaper per ticket to book with the foreign airline versus the U.S.one. We saved more than $400 for four tickets, but we'll be on the same plane!

— Lori Uhl
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Packing
349265

Avoid spills in your Dopp kit. Cut up plastic grocery bags into little squares and place them under the tops of toiletries to prevent leaks. Discard the squares upon arrival, but bring extras for the trip back.

— Roland Zuniga
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Packing
375251

Carry a twist tie in your wallet. Among other ingenious uses, a twist tie can temporarily replace a lost screw on a pair of glasses. Just peel the paper or plastic off the tie so you have bare wire, insert it where the screw once was, and twist to tighten. Unlike Scotch tape or a safety pin, a twist tie is small enough to remain hidden and strong enough to hold until you're able to replace the screw.

— Suzanne Prendergast
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Air Travel
375273

When you change your clocks back or forward, be sure to check the expiration date on all your frequent-flier miles. This way they're checked twice a year. We overlooked one of the many accounts in our household and lost a free ticket when the miles expired.

— Lynda Self
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Air Travel
384276

Though they're often the best deals around, don't assume that packaged vacations always offer the biggest bang for your buck. My wife and I were ready to book an air/hotel package to Maui when we noticed a sale on Aloha Airlines ($280 round trip from Oakland). I added up the total cost of the trip if purchased separately and saved $400 over comparable packages from various tour operators. We used the extra money to stay in a nicer hotel and to rent a convertible!

— Kleem Chaudhary
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Air Travel
356253

The middle seat isn't always awful. On a recent trip overseas, I called too late to confirm an aisle or window seat. After explaining the plane's AB-CDEFG-HI configuration, the customer service agent urged me to take the very middle seat, E, because D and F have less foot room. (In some rows, there are metal boxes underneath the seats in front of you that house wiring for onboard electronics.) I went along with her advice somewhat skeptically, but I ended up with plenty of room. The people on either side of me weren't so lucky.

— Audrey Ting
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Air Travel
359241

If you've accumulated more souvenirs on your trip than you can carry, drive your rental car up to curbside check-in, then return the vehicle and come back on the shuttle bus with only your carry-on. This only works if there's no check-in line, but can save dragging your luggage onto the shuttle bus, across parking lots, etc.

— Robyn Volkening
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Safety
439309

In order to keep track of my bags, I use a small metal bell--the kind dancers from India wear on their ankles. I thread it with fishing line and tie it to my carry-on. If anyone touches my bag after I set it down, the bell chimes. It's not a very obtrusive sound, but it's distinctive enough for me to notice if a thief is trying to get into my things. The same bell can be hung on the doorknob inside your hotel room.

— Jim Hall
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Safety
442308

Rather than risk losing your department-store credit cards and club-membership cards, you should really leave them behind when you go somewhere you won't need them. Your purse or wallet will be lighter and your worries fewer.

— George Bracken
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Photography
396266

Create your own postcards by writing on the back of photographs that you've taken and developed while still on your trip.

— Connie Van Brocklin
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Air Travel
370264

For long overnight flights, pack a dry washcloth in a Ziploc bag in your carry-on. Before landing, ask the flight attendant for a cup of hot (not boiling) water. Carefully pour the water into the Ziploc bag and then wipe your face and hands with the steaming cloth. It's like a portable sauna!

— Henrietta Scarlett Ober
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Air Travel
356274

Treat yourself to a golf-ball foot massage. During a long flight, or afterward in your hotel room, take off your shoes, put a golf ball on the floor, and roll it under your foot. It's a great stress reliever. Practice a bit before you try it on a plane, so that your ball doesn't go rolling down the cabin, tripping up unsuspecting passengers.

— Dawn Yadlosky
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Air Travel
378247

We were told by an airport security official to tape a business card onto the cover of our laptop. Turns out he has an average of six laptop computers left behind each day! There are so many more procedures now--removing shoes, removing coats--that people forget when they send their laptop through in a separate bin. The official added that it's very difficult to return them because most laptops have passwords that keep the owners' personal information hidden.

— Liz Nealon
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Family Travel
379254

When my husband and I would stay in a hotel with our two-year-old, a full night's sleep was out of the question. The minute our son opened his eyes (at 2,3,or 4 a.m.), he woke us, thinking it was time to play. We now pack a pop-up tent and set it up in a corner of the hotel room with books, a blanket, and a few small stuffed animals. The tent folds down to a 14-inch circle and weighs about a pound. It works great! My son has his own "room" to sleep in when we vacation, and we all get to sleep through the night!

— Geri Kronyak
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Road Trips
407331

I take each of my grandchildren on a road trip the summer each turns twelve. The trips range in length from two weeks to a month and require careful packing. I've learned to put our clothes and any snack items we'll need in large plastic bins that fit in the back of my minivan. We each bring a small bag and pack it every evening with items we'll need for that night and the next day: no lugging heavy suitcases in and out of motels or hotels.

— Patsy Maddox
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Planning
352257

Note the expiration dates of any debit or credit cards you plan on using while you're away. In Budapest, I tried to withdraw cash with my ATM card, only to find that it had expired just days before.

— Matt Vance
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Photography
384271

When not taking pictures, keep your memory card away from your camera. It's a simple method to ensure that any photographs you've shot will be safe even if your camera is stolen. My husband and I learned this lesson the hard way when we lost 250 shots of Kauai.

— Jamie Thomas
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Loyalty Programs
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After I was unable to locate any awards seats online for a wide selection of days and routes, I called the airline. An agent told me that the airline's Web site isn't allowed to book awards seats for its partner airlines, but agents can. Within minutes, I had enough options that I found it difficult to make a decision.

— Carol Muth
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Packing
385298

My husband packs Q-tips in a plastic cassette case. It's small and snaps shut, keeping the cotton swabs clean and dry.

— Nancy Bastian
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Packing
386270

Instead of packing a complete shaving kit, my husband fills his wide-mouth Nalgene water bottle with items such as razors, spare contact lenses, eyeglasses, toothbrush, and so on. This turned out to be particularly useful on our trip to Costa Rica, where we also took the bottle on our day hikes to volcanoes and the jungle.

— Terry Clemson
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Packing
414594

If you plan to travel to a less-developed country, pack an extra suitcase with hand-me-downs of all sizes. Housekeepers and other resort workers make so little money that the clothes are greatly appreciated. On your way home, you can use that empty suitcase for souvenirs.

— Rebecca Oberg
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Planning
380245

Turn off your fridge's icemaker before you leave home. And remember to empty the ice cube bin. The power was out for several days while I was away recently. When I got back, the melted ice had refrozen throughout the freezer compartment. It took forever to clean up.

— Mary C. Clements
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Planning
370290

Don't save the best for the last day. If you wait until the end of your trip for "must-do" activities, you won't be able to reschedule if something unforeseen happens. I planned a snorkeling excursion for my final day in San Diego, but the waters were too rough, and the trip had to be canceled.

— Melissa Coplak
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Packing
495560

If you plan to visit a theme park, always bring a few sandwich-size Ziploc bags. They'll protect your cell phone and wallet when you're riding on flumes and other water attractions.

— Jack Bell
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Planning
448632

My husband and I create personal cards (like business cards) before we leave home. We put our name, address, phone, and email address on them, as well as a picture of us. How many people have gotten home from a trip, looked at a slip of paper with a name and address, and wondered, Who is this? The picture helps link a name to a face.

— Susan Fornoff
Tagged
Dining
390268

Deli counters in grocery stores are great mealtime alternatives to restaurants or fast-food fare when you're exploring the United States. The food is fresh, there's a big variety (hot and cold), and economically, it's a great break. I recently had a complete hot meal, including beverage, for $3 from a grocery-store deli.

— Teresa G. Barcus

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