True Stories: Rated R

Readers' anecdotes prove once again that travel is stranger, funnier, and sometimes bawdier than fiction.

Warning: Some of these photos were too outrageous for the magazine. Don't say we didn't warn you!

Way beyond "behind the scenes"
I went on a cycling tour to Italy with several four couples and another solo traveler. A couple from Denver shared my sense of humor. We chuckled together about, among other things, my tendency to be overly organized, even to the point of taking pictures of my bathrooms! I do like to take photos during trips to remind myself of the places I've stayed. I couldn't wait to get home so I could share my photos with the tour group and my friends. The Denver couple noticed that one bathroom picture had added features in the mirror! Once again, they laughed so hard they cried! Christine Gabrielle, Standish, Maine

Hurts just looking at it
My husband and I spent the final day of our honeymoon in Bonaire at Washington Slagbaai National Park. Before heading out on the trail, we made a quick stop at the visitors center to use the restrooms. As we approached the two doorways, I failed to see anything that would distinguish the men's room from the women's—at least until I got close enough to look at the men's room sign in all its glory. Diane Knoepke, Oak Park, Ill.

Thanks for the clarification
In the Grenadines, my wife and I had a water taxi drop us off at a deserted island. We were enjoying our solitude when we saw a fisherman waving to us from his boat while holding a huge lobster. Seconds later he waded toward us, keeping the lobster out of the water. When he came ashore we realized that he had no clothes on. He tried to sell us the lobster—and even offered to cook it on the beach—but we graciously declined as we would've been too distracted by the scenery. Fortunately, he let my wife take a picture. (I'm the one in the hat.) Trent Jones, Safety Harbor, Fla.

Pray he doesn't work hard
My friend Stephen and I ran into a fellow on a Key West sidewalk holding a sign that said will work for pants. He said that for a few bucks we could take a photo with him. To add a little flavor to our photo, we dropped our pants. As we pulled up our pants, and the second photo was being shot, the photographer gasped. We got a whole lot more than we bargained for. Charlie Baxley, Fairhope, Ala.

Or he'd been a very naughty boy
My sister and I drove around Croatia to celebrate her 30th birthday. We ate cuttle­fish risotto, drank delicious wine, and enjoyed the coast's beauty. Our greatest adventure, however, happened on the island of Hvar. While my sister concentrated on driving, I looked ahead and saw two plump, pink buttocks—and a turquoise thong. It was too good to be true. He had obviously forgotten to rub sunblock on his bum. Julie Liu, Chicago, Ill.

Warning: Lift that little black sticker at your own risk!
I was traveling around the Thai islands with my girlfriend when, on the island of Ko Samui, she begged me to go on an elephant-riding tour. I agreed, and one of the side trips included a visit to a monkey farm. My girlfriend is absolutely bananas about monkeys and was ecstatic when she learned that we could take pictures with one on our shoulders. After I took a few pictures of the unenthusiastic monkey on my girlfriend, it was my turn. She and our guide burst into laughter: The monkey was pleasuring himself inches from my head! Jesse Golland, Isle of Palms, S.C.

Dude totally needs a helmet
I had to go San Francisco for business, so I decided to fly in a few days early to see the sights. As I was leaving my hotel, I noticed a crowd of people gathering for a parade, so I stayed to watch—and saw way more than I'd bargained for! Danette Oien, Shoreview, Minn.

You know the old saying: red thighs at night, sailor's delight
My husband and I were enjoying an elegant alfresco dinner in Nassau, Bahamas, when I asked one of the other patrons to snap a photo of us with the sunset in the background. The picture came out fantastic, although on closer inspection I noticed that my bright red underwear was peeking through! I suppose I would've been better off wearing undies that matched my dress.... Caroline Tetschner, Mundelein, Ill.

With about 80 elephants grazing just in front of him, my husband had plenty to smile about while exploring the Pinnewala elephant orphanage near Kegalle, Sri Lanka. He had no clue, however, what was going on just over his shoulder. Frances Durrant, Keaau, Hawaii

On my trip to Katmandu, Nepal, I observed a religious celebration outside the Pashupati Temple. This picture wasn't supposed to be taken but somehow I managed to get the shot. The man is lifting a sizeable sack of rocks, chained to his penis, approximately five inches above the ground—truly an amazing feat. Govina Acharya, Aberdeen, N.J.

Note:This story was accurate when it was published. Please be sure to confirm all rates and details directly with the companies in question before planning your trip.
 
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Travel Tips

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Packing
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It's unnecessary to make a packing list for each trip. Instead, draw up a master list with everything you might need on any given trip--from ski goggles to snorkels, slippers to saline solution. Save it on your computer. Before you start packing, cross out anything you don't need for that particular trip.

— Bonnie Herbst
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Packing
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I reverse the batteries in my portable CD player before packing it in my suitcase or backpack, in case it's accidentally turned on when my bag is jostled. I came up with the idea after arriving at my destination to find that the brand-new batteries I'd put into my Walkman were dead.

— Chris Giaimo
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Packing
402283

In order to provide any reimbursement for a lost suitcase, most airlines and insurance companies require an itemized list of exactly what was inside it. Unfortunately, remembering everything you packed after the fact is virtually impossible. To avoid the headache, take pictures of the items you're going to put in your suitcase with your digital camera or cell phone. The photos will make creating the list a breeze, and, in the event of a dispute with the airline or insurance agent, you have some visual evidence of ownership.

— Erica Rounsefell
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Rental Cars
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I always take a digital picture of the gas gauge to prove that I returned the rental car with a full tank. Some agencies try to charge for a minimal amount of gas when they "top off" the tank (which you're not supposed to do anyway). I've used these digital photographs to get refunds for gas charges that appeared on my credit-card bill after the fact.

— Jeff Mishur
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Hotels
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Rather than automatically using your hotel's valet parking, you should check to see if there's an adjacent parking lot or garage that offers a better rate. On a recent trip, I was able to park across the street from my hotel for $10 per day--versus $27 per day to valet park with the hotel.

— Charles LaFleur
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Packing
349253

I always pack a Petzl Tikka Plus headlamp. It's small, weighs next to nothing, and is perfect for reading in bed at night without disturbing my husband. They're sold online and at outdoor-gear stores for about $33.

— Linda Smejkal
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Planning
345266

If you arrive in a foreign city after banking hours (and you can't use an ATM), convert only the money you'll need for the night. Some exchange booths offer a less favorable rate after banks close and then switch back to competitive rates when banks reopen.

— Jim Citron
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Photography
364264

I travel with two cameras: a digital SLR for the majority of my shots, and a small disposable camera for when I ask strangers to take pictures of me. As much as I tend to trust other people, I'm not ready to hand over my $1,000 camera to someone I don't know at all.

— Sam Antonio
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Hotels
415331

Flight attendants often work vampire hours and have to sleep during the day. How do we keep the sunlight from leaking into our hotel rooms? We clip a skirt hanger (or two) to the middle of the drapes to seal them together.

— Elisabeth Joyce
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Cruises
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If you go directly from the air-conditioned ship out onto the open-air deck (which is usually warmer and more humid in most cruise destinations), your camera's lens is likely to fog up. Warm the camera with your cabin's hairdryer on a low setting or briefly leave it out on your balcony so it can acclimate to the weather.

— Martha and Ken Wiseman
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Hotels
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When I called to book a hotel room in Budapest, I was offered a rate of $75 per night. After I told the concierge that I was looking for a room in the $35 range, he agreed to the lower price without much fuss. It sometimes pays to barter.

— Julie Jensen
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Packing
366286

When I travel for business, I usually tack on a few extra days to do something active like hike in a nearby national park. I find that by taking two small suitcases instead of a single large one, I stay better organized and less burdened. I keep my business clothes, papers, and laptop in one bag and hiking clothes and gear in another. I leave the suitcase I'm not using at the time in the rental car and easily carry the lightweight case with the equipment and clothes I need into my hotel.

— Ellen Worthing
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Photography
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Put an address label on your one-time-use camera. At a Final Four game in Indianapolis, we exchanged identical Kodak Fun Savers with another traveler so that we could take souvenir photos of each other with our respective cameras. But afterward, we couldn't tell whose camera was whose. Luckily, I remembered how many exposures remained on mine, so we got ours back. Next time, I'll just label it.

— Matthew Richard
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Shopping
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When my husband and I visit places like India or Thailand, we pack only one extra change of clothes. When we arrive, we hit a local market and buy local attire--woven shirts, saris, sarongs, etc. Not only does this make packing easier, but we get a better cultural experience and end up with lots of wearable souvenirs!

— Alice Fraser
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Planning
354270

I live in coastal Florida, where the electricity sometimes goes out during violent storms. Before a trip, I place a few ice cubes in a plastic bag and put the bag in the freezer. If the ice has melted and refrozen by the time I get home, I'll know we've had a power outage and that any food left in the refrigerator may be unsafe to consume.

— Brigitte Emick
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Packing
368272

Dry-cleaning bags stop clothes from wrinkling. Slide each garment into its own bag (leave the hanger at home) and place them flat on your bed, one on top of another. Then carefully fold the entire stack to fit it in your suitcase. Once you get to your hotel, hang everything up as soon as you can. You'll never unpack a suitcase of wrinkled clothes again.

— Claudette Christman
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Loyalty Programs
366255

After I was unable to locate any awards seats online for a wide selection of days and routes, I called the airline. An agent told me that the airline's Web site isn't allowed to book awards seats for its partner airlines, but agents can. Within minutes, I had enough options that I found it difficult to make a decision.

— Carol Muth
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Car Rentals
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Whenever I know I'll be renting a car, I pack a couple of folded paper towels and two small spray bottles--one filled with window cleaner and the other with Rain-X, a product that repels raindrops. It's hard enough driving an unfamiliar car in an unfamiliar location. At least with a clean windshield I'm able to see properly, no matter the weather.

— Ed Rainer
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Technology
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When seeking a cheap airfare, don't forget to consult the Web sites of the major charter tour operators--like Apple Vacations, TNT Vacations, Vacation Express, or SunTrips--which frequently sell air-only tickets in addition to air-and-hotel packages. Doing so helped me slash the cost of round-trip airfare to visit my mother in Las Vegas by well over 50 percent.

— Pam McMenamin
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Air Travel
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Finding healthy breakfast alternatives at an airport can prove difficult. I always travel with an insulated travel mug. Before leaving home I fill it with a high-protein cereal and then request low-fat milk on the flight.

— Randy Hartselle
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Shopping
358255

When you're shopping for alcohol on any Caribbean island, ask if there's a Kmart nearby. Often the dis- counter is a short distance from the docks where the cruise ships tie up and has an extensive selection at prices lower than the liquor stores on the main drag. While you're there, pick up that extra roll of film or the sunscreen you forgot.

— Andrea Mansfield
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Planning
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I unpacked a pair of black slacks recently to find them covered with white fuzz. I didn't have a lint brush handy, so I used the luggage sticker from my bag--the gummy side took the lint right off.

— Joyce Barbatti
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Planning
341268

Be certain to have enough blank pages in your passport. Someone I know had a terrible time getting per- mission to board a flight from Zambia to South Africa because she didn't have the two blank passport pages required to enter South Africa. Thank goodness my husband had read about the requirement. Before the trip, we sent our passports to the center in Charleston and had extra pages added at no charge.

— Patricia Beagle
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Packing
361269

During the hot months of summer, I plan to travel with a very small spray bottle. I'll fill it with water and use it as a mister to keep cool. I got this idea when we stayed at the Noga Hilton in Cannes. On the dresser was a pink aerosol can full of Evian water. I took it with us sightseeing and, wow, it was so refreshing to spritz water on our faces.

— Joy Shebroe
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Planning
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When I'm planning a trip, I almost always call the hotel concierge before I arrive, and if my hotel doesn't have one, I call a hotel that does. Recently, I asked for advice on what to see since I only had four days in a new city. I told the concierge what I thought I should try to do, and she said I had too many things packed into four days. She gave me a list of hot spots to visit and places to avoid, and even recommended a florist to call on for fresh flowers. With her help, my trip was far more enjoyable than it would have been otherwise.

— Brian Berg
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Photography
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Carry a Polaroid camera when traveling to developing countries. In Cambodia, several village children gathered around us, posed enthusiastically for pictures, and were fascinated by their images in our digital camera. We wanted to send them the pictures, but they were unable to tell us their address. Polaroids would have solved the problem!

— Cynda Perun
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Packing
379247

Put a few plastic trash bags in the outer pockets of your suitcases and carry-ons. If you arrive at your destination and it's raining, you can cover your luggage with the bags while you make your way to your hotel. Just cut a slit for handles or straps.

— Barbara Gesse
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Packing
338276

To ensure the studs of pierced and delicate earrings don't get damaged, I put them in a film canister. An added benefit is that they're less likely to be stolen when left in a suitcase or hotel room, because thieves presume there's nothing inside but film.

— Alison Taylor Fastov
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Photography
356267

Accidentally reformat your camera's memory card? As long as you don't overwrite the disk by shooting more photos, those original pictures are still there. Buy another card to use in the meantime, and then, when you get home, either purchase a file-recovery software program (about $35) or take the card to a camera shop and see if someone there can help.

— Julie Mancini
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Planning
372248

Most hotels provide cloth shoe mitts but not polish. In a pinch, a dollop of skin cream on a shoe mitt (or even a tissue) can make scuff marks vanish and leave shoes as shiny as if they'd been cleaned by a pro.

— John Nechman

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