From our October issue: Readers share anecdotes about monkeys behaving badly, a language mix-up in Italy, and the Taj Mahal of toilets.
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On a cruise that stopped in Grand Turk, my boyfriend and I took a tour of Her Majesty's Prison. After walking through the place, we hit the gift shop, which was having an unusual sale. We liked these containers, but we didn't buy any. Because really—who needs an ass kicking, even if it is half off?
Monkey see, monkey chew
While on safari in Kenya, we stayed at the Kichwa Tembo camp on the edge of the Masai Mara Game Reserve. As our guide showed us our tent, he stressed that we had to keep the tent door closed or the monkeys would take everything. When the monkeys stole the sugar cubes for our morning tea, we thought it was cute—but when we saw one trying to eat a lightbulb, we knew our guide was serious! Jennifer Klein, Glendale, Calif.
To be fair, they look yummy
My wife, her sister, her sister's husband, and I went to Amsterdam and visited the red-light district. When my brother-in-law and I heard moans of delight, we weren't surprised, until we realized they came from our wives, lagging behind us as we walked past prostitutes in picture windows. We turned and found our wives peering through a window, their tongues hanging out. The source of their pleasure? A bakery display of waffles topped with chocolate, strawberries, bananas, and mounds of whipped cream. Robert N. Turner, Centennial, Colo.
When dinner bites back
While in Tunisia, we stopped at a small hotel for lunch. The menu was in French. My companion chided me for ordering poulet rôti, since I could eat chicken at home. He chose the cerveau d'agneau. "Agneau means 'lamb.' I love lamb," he said. His enthusiasm dimmed when his plate arrived. "This is really bony," he announced. He sawed until he freed a bit of flesh. "Chewy," he said, as he ate it with difficulty. Then he hissed, "Teeth! Those are teeth!" It was true. The waiter, who hurried to our table to see what was amiss, snickered at the "gourmet" who'd just eaten the lips off a sheep's head while ignoring the brains¿baked to perfection and presented in their original container. I laughed so hard, I could barely finish my superb chicken. Jennie L. Brown, Bowling Green, Ky.
Toilet story No. 1
I was practicing my Italian at a coffee bar in Assisi. I'd seen my Italian friend Liana avoid a charge for water by asking for it from the faucet, so I did the same. The barman gave me a funny look, but I felt proud of myself as I watched him fill the glass at the sink. When I told Liana about it later, she burst out laughing. Instead of asking for water from the rubinetto, I'd asked for it from the gabinetto (toilet). Celia Orona, Lakeside, Calif.
Get back or we'll butter you!
My friend Sue and I went to St. Croix for a vacation and got rooms in a bungalow on the beach. One night we heard tapping on the sliding doors. We had no phone to call for help, so we searched the kitchen for weapons. Butter knives in hand, we approached the doors. Sue pulled the curtains—the tapping came from two gigantic crabs. What a relief! Antoinette Kish, Katonah, N.Y.
These kids have priorities
My husband and I took our teenage daughters on a three-week camping safari in Kenya and Tanzania. The campsites provided the bare necessities, and few had flush toilets. This worried our daughters, but we all got used to it. We enjoyed seeing exotic animals in their natural habitat. At Serengeti National Park, our daughters came running up to us. "Mom! Dad! Guess what they have here!" They were so excited, we assumed it must be a very rare creature. "Flush toilets! Clean porcelain potties!" Talk about an appreciation of the "wild life!" Glenda Durano, Albuquerque, N.M.