Confessions Of... A Cruise Lecturer

By Anonymous
June 4, 2005
I save the juicy bits for passengers who seek me out.

Our confessor, who prefers to remain anonymous, lives in New England and eagerly escapes each winter to give history lectures aboard luxury cruises in South America and the Caribbean.

It's not smart to make waves: Twelve years ago, a cruise-line manager heard me on a Miami talk show plugging my book on American cultural history. Within hours an invitation arrived for a 21-day, all-expenses-paid cruise for two. All I had to do was deliver three 45-minute talks. After one lecture, I was taken to task by the imperious cruise director (think Tony Soprano and Oprah rolled into one) because a passenger reported my "offensive, un-American slurs against our founding fathers." My sin was having milked some laughter by mentioning that the Pilgrims drank so much that sometimes inebriated Puritan children fell into open graves at funerals.

The cruise director said that my role was not to educate, but solely to enrich. As penance he assigned me to dine with the "merry widows"--the coven of persnickety battle axes who virtually live aboard deluxe liners. I've since toned down my lectures, saving the juicy bits for passengers who seek me out over cocktails.

Lecturers exist in social purgatory: Of late, cruise directors treat lecturers like irksome moochers, segregating them, along with the golf pro and the musicians, in an entertainment ghetto in the rear of the dining room. My only reprieve comes when passengers request that I be seated with them (so if you like a lecturer, ask a staff member if it's possible for the speaker to dine at your table).

Passenger ratings are vital: Socializing with cruisers is my pleasure, but it's also crucial to secure my position. For the lines I lecture on, a speaker has to score at least an 8.5 out of 10 on the passenger ratings to be considered on future cruises. If you like a lecture, rate the talk highly and tell the staff about the experience--it's the only way we get asked back to do it again.

Bribes are not unheard of: Lecturers don't always cruise for free. I know speakers who pay a broker from $50 to $100 per day onboard in exchange for their assignment and a cabin.

One of my colleagues even told me about a cruise director who insinuated that it would be wise to slip him a handsome "gratuity" if she expected a return engagement.

We hate know-it-alls: Most audiences are delightful, though I occasionally have to compete with snores during notorious after-lunch (nap time) sessions or win over the crowd who are attending merely to secure good seats for the bingo or cha-cha lesson to follow. The bane of my existence is the ubiquitous know-it-all who torpedoes the lecture I spent weeks preparing. I know that putting a passenger in his place won't earn me a nice rating. So, as I contemplate the shipboard luxury, magnificent sunsets, and endless smoked salmon, I deferentially tilt my head and muse, "You don't say!"

Plan Your Next Getaway
Keep reading

How to Have the Low-Cost Wedding in Hawaii

For the rest of your life, you will remember how the golden reflection of the setting sun painted everything in a warm, rose-colored hue. And the intoxicating aroma of tropical blossoms wafting through the balmy air, and the whispering melody from the waving palm fronds as the officiant said those magic words: "I now pronounce you husband and wife." Hawaii's gentle climate and exotic ambiance create the perfect romantic atmosphere for a wedding to remember and a great setting for the honeymoon you've always dreamed about. But equally important, it is possible to get married in the islands without spending a fortune and enjoy an inexpensive honeymoon without depleting your new joint bank account. You just have to be willing to do a little of the legwork yourself. The paperwork to make it legal For the legal paperwork, contact the Honolulu Marriage License Office, State Department of Health Building, 1250 Punchbowl St., Honolulu, HI 96813 (808/586-4545 or 4544, state.hi.us/doh/records/vr_marri.html; open Monday-Friday, 8 a.m.-4 p.m., Hawaiian standard time). They'll mail you their brochure, "Getting Married," and direct you to a marriage licensing agent close to wherever you'll be staying in Hawaii. And who are these agents? They range from private individuals working out of their homes to government employees in a state office building who will help you with the required paperwork. When you arrive in Hawaii, you and your prospective spouse must go together to the marriage licensing agent to get the license. It costs $60 (cash) and is good for 30 days; if you don't have the ceremony within the time allotted, you'll have to pay another $60 for another license. The only requirements for a marriage license are that both parties be 18 years of age and not more closely related than first cousins. But contrary to what you may have gathered from the media, gay couples cannot marry in Hawaii. The state supreme court ruled last year that a marriage license can be issued only to an opposite sex couple. Finding someone to perform the ceremony The local marriage licensing agents are usually friendly, helpful people who can steer you to someone who's licensed by the state of Hawaii to perform the ceremony, whether you're looking for a minister of a certain denomination or a plain ol' justice of the peace. (However, some marriage licensing agents are state employees and under law cannot recommend anyone with a religious affiliation; they can only give you phone numbers for local judges to perform the ceremony.) Another option is to look in the local newspapers on the island where you want to have the wedding. People willing and qualified to conduct weddings often advertise in the classifieds. They're great sources of information, as they know the best places to have the ceremony and can recommend caterers, florists, and everyone else you'll need. Contact the subscription or circulation departments of the following local newspapers for the latest classifieds: On Oahu, write or call the Honolulu Star-Bulletin, 7 Waterford Plaza, Suite 210, 500 Ala Moana, Honolulu, HI 96813 (808/524-4700); or the Honolulu Advertiser, 605 Kapiola Boulevard, Honolulu, 96813. On Maui, get a copy of The Maui News, P.O. Box 550, Wailuku, HI 96793 (808/244-3981); on the Kona side of the Big Island, look in West Hawaii Today, P.O. Box 789, Kailua-Kona, HI 96745 (808/329-9311); on the Hilo side of the Big Island, check with the Hawaii Tribune-Herald, P.O. Box 767, Hilo, HI 96721 (808/935-6621); and on Kauai, contact the Garden Island, P.O. Box 231, Lihue, HI 96766 (808/245-3681). Another resource is online: the Hawaii Visitors and Convention Bureau's site, gohawaii.com, has a section on weddings and honeymoons in the islands that includes a honeymoon planner, a wedding service fact sheet, and a list of related vendors (coordinators, photographers, florists, etc., who are members of the Hawaii Visitors and Convention Bureau). How much will it cost? The best way to save money on your ceremony is to do all the paperwork yourself and negotiate a fee with the person licensed by the state to perform the ceremony. Fees range from a donation (let your conscience be your guide, but most "suggested" donations range from $50 to $150) to specific fees set by the marriage officiant. If you need a little help planning the festivities but can't afford a fancy wedding planner, here is our pick -- on every island other than Kauai -- of the people licensed to perform marriage ceremonies (some have their own wedding consulting companies). For a minimal fee (note: the $60 licensing fee is extra), they'll officiate a low-cost ceremony and help you out with the paperwork. (Note that we scoured the island of Kauai but couldn't find anyone who meets these criteria charging less than $150.) On Oahu, contact Rev. Jerry Le Lesch and Rev. Toni Baran (44-160 Kou Pl., Suite 2, Kaneohe, HI 96744, 808/235-6966, lovehawaii.com), who have been performing weddings since 1985. For $95, they will coordinate your license and perform the ceremony (they even know some great spots to get married for free). On the Big Island, we recommend Rev. Libby Kelson-Fulcher (P.O. Box 4965, Kailua-Kona, HI 96745, 808/322-3322, weddingsalaheart.com), who can perform both traditional ceremonies (including Jewish weddings) and customized ceremonies. She charges $175 for officiating the ceremony and also offers a "Simply Hawaiian" package for $395 that includes coordinating the wedding license, finding a site, helping you design the ceremony, performing the vows, providing two traditional leis, and assisting in any other details. On Maui, call Rev. Linda Stevens (2162 Kahookele St., Wailuku, HI 96793, 808/280-6137) who has a basic "minister only" plan that includes arranging for the license, suggesting sites, and performing the wedding for a reasonable amount. Free romantic tropical sites for your ceremony More than 20,000 marriages a year are performed in the islands in a range of places: near the gentle wash of the waves on a beach at sunset, alongside a tumbling waterfall at dawn, atop a wind-swept bluff overlooking the ocean, deep in a rain forest jungle, and even in more traditional settings, like a church, synagogue, or mosque. If you don't have your heart set on a big church wedding, you can save a lot of money by tying the knot in one of Hawaii's magnificent outdoor settings. If you pick wisely, you can have the location absolutely free. One example of a dream wedding site is Kapiolani Beach Park on Oahu. Not only is it free but your wedding photos can have Waikiki Beach in the background in one shot and, from another angle, the famous Diamond Head volcano in the next shot, letting everyone know just where you celebrated your wedding. Hawaii's state and county beaches and parks allow you to have your ceremony there at no cost; however, you must fill out some paperwork to obtain the necessary permits. Dreamy inexpensive honeymoon accommodations When the ceremony is over, the honeymoon begins, and what better place to honeymoon than in sensuous Hawaii? It's not necessary to go into hock to have a sumptuous honeymoon in the islands. Our picks of low-cost but romantic sites at which to spend your honeymoon (or to stash the relatives for a few days before or after the ceremony) include these: On Oahu, head for the relative serenity of the North Shore, where exotic flowers bloom in dazzling colors, the fragrance of the rolling ocean fills the air, and the glitter of thousands of stars beckons romance at night. For a honeymoon on the beach, "Auntie" Alice Tracy has been welcoming newlyweds for decades at her oceanside Ke Iki Hale, a collection of one- and two-bedroom cottages and duplexes right on the beach. Located between two legendary surf sites (Waimea Bay and the Banzai Pipeline), her units face a 200-foot stretch of white sand beach, and although none is new and furnishings are modest, each one is immaculately clean, homey, and comfortable. Perfect for honeymooners, with no phone and no television to distract you, only that great beach outside and the two of you inside. The cottages start at just $65 (59-579 Ke Iki Rd., Haleiwa, HI 96712, 808/638-8229). Another inexpensive site on the North Shore, and a great place to stash the family, is the Best Inn Hukilau. This small (49 units), two-story, plantation-style hotel is within walking distance of the Polynesian Cultural Center and just across the street from a secluded white sand beach. The rooms are fairly standard, with two king, queen, or double beds, TV, phone, air-conditioning, small refrigerator, and coffeemaker and microwave on request. All the rooms overlook the swimming pool and barbecue/picnic area. Guests include lots of families, although Craig Huish, the general manager, says they get their share of honeymooners because the hotel is so close to the Mormon Temple in Laie. The units start at just $89 and include continental breakfast (55-109 Laniloa St., Laie, HI 96762, 800/526-4562, laieinn.com). On the Big Island, we recommend spending your honeymoon in Kona, where it's perpetually sunny and the ocean is calm 350 days a year. The best deal for a boutique hotel right on the ocean is the Kona Tiki Hotel, located about a mile from downtown Kailua-Kona (close enough to enjoy the nightlife but far enough away to have peace and quiet). The rooms feature ceiling fans (with those ocean breezes, you don't need air-conditioning), mini-refrigerators, and spacious lanais (porches) to take in the view. What the rooms do not have are televisions or phones, but on your honeymoon, who cares? Rates start at $59 ($79 if you want a kitchenette) and include free continental breakfast by the swimming pool every morning (75-5968 Aln Dr., Kailua-Kona, HI 96740, 808/329-1425). If you want to leave the relatives at the Kona Tiki and seek out a more intimate location for the two of you, contact the Hawaii Island Bed and Breakfast Association (P.O. Box 1890, Honokaa, HI 96727, stayhawaii.com), which offers a range of options starting as low as $45 a night. The sun-kissed shores of Kihei in south Maui offer honeymooners a tropical vacation at rates that won't break the bank. In the summer (June-September), you can get a one-bedroom unit at Kihei Kai for as low as $85 ($85 to $95 in the low season, mid-April to mid-December, and $95 to $105 in the high season, mid-December to mid-April). Inside, each unit includes a fully equipped kitchen, and outside there's a sandy cove that's great for swimming. Located on the north end of Kihei, just minutes from restaurants, shopping, and a four-mile string of white sand beaches, these spacious chambers are large enough to sleep four if you have relatives coming to your wedding and also have wide lanais, televisions, phones, and air-conditioning (61 N. Kihei Rd., Kihei, HI 96753, 877/778-7717, maui.net/ki_heikai). The lush garden isle of Kauai, with its rim of white sand beaches circling the island, variety of ocean activities, and tropical jungle landscape, offers affordable accommodations at centrally located Garden Island Inn, an intimate hotel surrounded by tropical flowers and banana and papaya trees. Just ten minutes from the airport and within easy driving distance to all the attractions on Kauai, this hotel is a great location for honeymooners who want to get out and experience the island. Most rooms have a refrigerator, microwave, coffeemaker, air-conditioning, television, phone, and ocean view, and prices start at $75-$125 double (3445 Wilcox Rd., Lihue, HI 96766, 800/648-0154, gardenislandinn.com). If you have relatives coming for the wedding who are more interested in saving money than having tropical surroundings, two low-cost motels close-by are the Tip Top Motel (3173 Akahi St., Lihue, HI 96766, 808/245-2333), where all rooms are $50 double, and Motel Lani (P.O. Box 1836, Lihue, HI 96766, 808/245-2965), where rooms start at $38. Whatever your dreams are, and no matter how tight your budget is, Hawaii can make those dreams come true. A little pre-planning, plus a little legwork, will pay off in a memorable but affordable wedding and honeymoon. Spectacular wedding sites for free If you envision your Hawaiian wedding on a long white sand beach with emerald-green water offshore, the spot for you is Hapuna State Beach, near Kawaihae, on the Big Island, and the cost for use of the beach is absolutely nothing. Or if you want your wedding on Kauai, one of the most spectacular settings is Hanalei County Beach Park, where the juxtaposition of the steep, verdant Bali Hai cliffs against the creamy white sand and azure water causes first-time visitors to gasp in awe. The cost for using this dramatic beachfront for your wedding is zero. Or if your heart is set on a Maui wedding, the sound of the crashing waves and singing birds can be the background to a dawn ceremony in the tropical jungle of Hana's Waianapanapa State Park. Cost for the site: free. However, you must fill out the paperwork for the permits first. To use a state park or state beach park, contact the District Office of the State Divisions of Parks on the island where you plan to have the ceremony and request a special-use permit for a wedding ceremony: Oahu, P.O. Box 621, Honolulu, HI 96809, 808/587-0300; Big Island, P.O. Box 936, Hilo, HI 96721, 808/974-6200; Maui, 54 S. High St., Suite 101, Wailuku, HI 96793; 808/984-8109; Kauai, 3060 Eiwa St., Suite 306, Lihue, HI 96766; 808/274-3444. If you desire a county beach park and you plan to use it just for a ceremony, you may not need a permit. However, if you would like to use a park facility (like a pavilion), then you will need a permit. Most permits require a custodial deposit, which will be refunded if you clean up the site after you are done. For more information on use of county parks, contact: City and County of Honolulu (the entire island of Oahu): 650 S. King St., First Floor, Honolulu, HI 96813, 808/523-4527; Big Island of Hawaii: 25 Aupuni St., Hilo, HI 96720, 808/961-8311; Maui: 1580-C Kaahumanu Ave., Wailuku, HI 96793, 808/270-7389; Kauai: 4444 Rice St., Lihue, HI 96766, 808/241-6660. Jeanette Foster is a Hawaii resident (of 25 years) and co-author of numerous best-selling guidebooks to the islands.

A Trek of the Himalayas

There's no getting around it: you'd be hard-pressed to find a more rewarding and uplifting nature experience anywhere than a trek in the Nepalese Himalayas. Surrounded by the world's highest mountains (including the highest, Everest, at 29,028 feet), dazzled by the almost impossibly pure white snow and the sweetly clean air, lulled by the gentle gong of a nearby yak bell (yes, there really are yak up there), you know there can be no question that this is the adventure of a lifetime. Unfortunately, plenty of stateside tour operators are happy to charge you the price of a lifetime. Standard Himalayan camping treks booked in the U.S. typically hover around the $200-$300 per day mark, and some companies -- Butterfield & Robinson, for example -- charge a whopping $389 per day for a 14-day trek. (And if you want the single supplement, that's $800 more.) Needless to say, those sky-high rates don't include your airfare to Nepal. But fear not. By simply jumping on an airplane and alighting in Kathmandu, Nepal's capital, you'll discover scores of locally owned trekking companies, each of which will be more than happy to help you book a trek, right on the spot, for far less than half that amount -- in fact, between roughly $20 to $60 per day is the norm. And if you choose your company carefully, you need not make any compromises whatsoever in terms of safety, equipment, comfort, or the quality of your guides. You get precisely the same trek (after all, most foreign operators contract with these local companies to run their treks) at a fraction of the cost you would have paid by booking back home. Tracking down the best trek Upon arriving in Kathmandu, head straight for the Thamel neighborhood. That's where most of the trekking agencies are clustered, as well as the area in which adventure-seekers like you generally find their lodgings in clean, inexpensive guesthouses. (See the box "Be Their Guest" for a selection of the best bets.) Thamel boasts more than 200 trekking agencies; the sheer wealth of choice guarantees that you'll be able to arrange your trip quickly and cheaply. Bear in mind before you begin talking to an agency that several different varieties of trek -- which can vary significantly in cost -- will be offered. One critical factor will be the duration of your journey. If seven days sounds about right, a good choice is the Jomsom trek (located in north-central Nepal). For ten days or so, the famous Annapurna Sanctuary (in the same region) is an excellent option. Some of the most popular longer treks include the Annapurna Circuit and Everest Base Camp (east of Kathmandu, on the border with Tibet in the Solu-Khumbu region), both lasting a minimum of 17 to 20 days. A caveat: despite its glamorous aura, the Everest Base Camp doesn't offer much in the way of scenery -- it's essentially a rocky field that Everest-assaulters use as a base. Also be aware of the difference between treks with lodging in teahouses as opposed to those in which you'll be camping in tents. A teahouse is simply a mountain lodge that's usually family-run. It provides extremely basic accommodations and meals. Because teahouses eliminate the need for extensive camping gear, they tend to run about $10 less per person daily than camping treks. If you choose camping, your group will be completely self-sufficient. You'll have a tent with a mat and sleeping bag, and your crew will set up dining and toilet tents at each campsite. Both methods of trekking have their partisans, but you need to remember that teahouses can be pretty rudimentary; camping is often actually the cleaner, quieter, more comfortable option. (And, of course, the air tends to be fresher.) Another factor that can make a big difference in cost is group size. Logically enough, the more people you have in your group, the more support staff you'll have, and the less expensive per person your trek will be. What do I mean by support staff? When you book, your outfitter generally provides Sherpas (guides), porters, cooks, herders (for the yaks), food, and pretty much all the necessary gear except your clothes. However, you should be certain to clarify in detail, at the time you book, exactly what the tour operator will provide. Whom can you trust? Now that you know what the various options are, where do you go to book? Here is a trio of Kathmandu-based trekking agencies I've found particularly reliable. Snow Leopard Trek (tel. 977-1/434-632, 977-1/434-619, fax [to attention Yankila Sherpa] 977-1/222-026, e-mail snowlprd@trek.wlink.com.np) is one of Nepal's most respected trekking agencies. By booking on the spot, you can get rates ranging from $31-$41 per day for tea house treks to $45-$55 for tenting. Snow Leopard is generally good about answering e-mail, so if you inquire in advance, you might even be able to arrange some of your trek details before you arrive. Either way, the office is pretty tricky to find, so be sure to call and ask for directions once you arrive in Kathmandu. Sherpa Co-Operative Trekking (tel. 977-1/224-068, fax 977-1/227-983, e-mail sherpaco@mos.com.np), located in Durbar Marg, near the Palace, is a fairly new arrival on the scene but has already established a reputation for trustworthiness. Rates range from $30-$35 per person per day for teahouse treks to $40-$45 for tenting in the Annapurna region. Prices max out at $62 per person per day in the Solu-Khumbu/Everest region (these treks are generally more expensive because of the need for an additional flight within Nepal). Marco Polo Treks and Expedition (tel. 977-1/425-983, e-mail mptexp@info.com.np), located outside of the Kathmandu Guest House, is another highly reliable operator. Prices range from $22-$30 for teahouse treks to $30-$50 for tenting, depending on the size of your group and the length of your trek. In addition to these three, there are many other reputable operators around town, along with a handful of fly-by-nighters. By prudent comparison-shopping and bargaining, you may well be able to shave some more off the prices I've given above. Winging to the whitecaps The best prices for flights to Kathmandu come from Ticket Planet (800/799-8888; ticketplanet.com), which charges $999 round-trip from Los Angeles and $1,099 from New York, year-round except between December 7-25. Be their guest There's no shortage of perfectly acceptable guesthouses in Kathmandu, especially in the areas known as Thamel and Chhetrapati. Try one of these four: Marco Polo Guest House (tel. 977-1/251-914 or 251-892, fax 977-1/250-513, e-mail marcopolo@wlink.com.np). Possibly the friendliest guesthouse in Kathmandu. Rooms with private bath range from $8-$10. Tibet Guest House (tel. 977-1/260-556 or 251-763, fax 977-1/260-518, e-mail tibet@guesths.mos.com.np). Down a side alley, rooms here are clean and fresh, and the staff couldn't be more helpful. Rooms start at $14 and go up to $39 for the deluxe variety with A/C and minibar. They also include a free pickup from the airport, saving you an immense amount of stress as well as a $5 taxi ride. Nirvana Garden Hotel (tel. 977-1/256-300, fax 977-1/260-668, e-mail nirvana@wlink.com.np). The Nirvana is just beyond the Tibet Guest House, at the end of a cul-de-sac, and is about as quiet as you'll find in the city. Double rooms, all of which have a telephone and TV, start at $40. The Holy Lodge (tel. 977-1/416-265, holylodge@wlink.com.np). A perennial trekkers' favorite, the Holy Lodge offers rooms with private bath starting at $10-$12 if you want one of the newly constructed rooms.

An Affordable Trip To Taiwan

In the vast courtyard of the Chiang Kai-shek Memorial, before a giant statue of the late dictator, hundreds of young people gather as a strident and amplified female voice commands them to pay attention. My heart sinks as I wait for the rally to begin, regretting my decision to come here at all. "Yeow!" screams the loudspeaker, and an earsplitting rock version of Yankee Doodle pierces the air (and my eardrums). The kids are dancing, I realize, boogying with wild gyrations, certainly not in any kind of order, and each dancing alone. I am shocked, then delighted, to see such happy goings-on right in front of the altar to the dour old martinet who brought so much misery to his people in years past. The Republic of China, which we know better as Taiwan, is a real democracy now, and what I had feared might be a vestige police-state rally was in fact a Transport Ministry festival to promote road safety for kids. Booths around the plaza offered information (on first aid, for instance), contests, and prizes. The sponsor's efforts obviously paid off -- though I recently saw thousands of scooters and motorcycles in the streets of Taipei, I noted not a single rider or passenger without a helmet, including a tiny poodle on a scooter with its old master, mistress, and young master, all wearing matching headgear. The kids at the memorial, the family on the scooter, and adults dining at outdoor markets were representative of dozens of people who called out to me during my last visit, mostly just, "Hello" but sometimes, "Have a nice day" and even, "Are you hungry?" as I gazed at their plates. To the American visitor, the Taiwanese are extremely friendly. Perhaps because they are diplomatic outcasts, shunned in favor of mainland China, perhaps because Taiwan doesn't get many American leisure visitors . . . whatever the reasons, a lot of people showed they were glad to see me. Taiwan should be more popular with Americans, not only because we are liked there but because the island nation has much to offer. Moreover, it's not expensive. We're not talking "cheapest places on earth" here, but you can find a marvelous two-course lunch for $3, a clean and comfortable hotel room for under $30, and have lunch at one of the nation's best hotels for under $10 or take tea with chamber music at a leading first-class hotel for less than $10. Potent reasons for vacationing in Taiwan Why visit Taiwan? Because you'll experience a real China, as genuine as the one on the mainland but with a few bonuses. In fact, you'll be able to experience through Taiwan's dynamism and daily life some aspects of China that are discouraged on the mainland, such as devotion to Confucianism, strong family affinities, and religious practices no longer encouraged or allowed in China. And you'll encounter, as I did, an affable group of people, quite a few of whom speak English and are only too eager to tell you how proud they are of "their" China. The biggest advantage of visiting Taiwan is that you can get a glimpse of what the mainland could be with a democratic government. Since the end of the Kuomintang dictatorship that ruled the island for 40 years, Taiwan has experienced a surge in freedom of expression and creativity. If Beijing's China were like this, the world would stand back in awe of Chinese achievement. Another bonus is a most delicious aspect of Taiwan's Chinese culture, its food. Based on my own recent experiences and the testimony of many travelers and residents, I can swear you will eat better on this island, on average, than you will in Beijing, Shanghai, or Suchow. You'll find small restaurants better than their counterparts in the Big China across the strait, and fancier ones as good or even better. (The only exception to this is Hong Kong, which still has the best Chinese food on earth, thanks to its chefs' longtime existence under the prosperity and leniency of British rule.) A final plus is Taipei's National Palace Museum, where the greatest collection of Chinese art in the world is maintained. While the newly opened Shanghai Art Museum has its own treasures, the National Palace Museum in Taipei still has it beat by a long shot in terms of the number of astounding pieces available. You could pleasurably spend days here. While anyone wanting to understand the modern world should also visit Beijing's China, that's an entire-and different-story in itself. Getting there Major airlines serving Taipei include EVA Air, China Air Lines, Cathay Pacific, Northwest Airlines and more, and their published round-trip airfares run around $950 from the West Coast, and $1,300 from New York. But consolidators -- and budget tourists should always use consolidators (discounters) -- have seats to Taipei for as low as $700 to $750 round-trip from New York and $539 to $650 from the West Coast, often sinking to even lesser levels (occasionally to a rock-bottom $650 from New York and $500 from the West Coast). These or similar prices are available from Air Travel Discounts (tel. 212/922-1326), using China Air Lines, Korean Air Lines, and Cathay Pacific; Tour East Holidays (212/964-6530) using China Airlines, EVA Air, and other major carriers; Travel-Link (310/445-7705), Travel Shoppe of America (310/247-8995), and Travel International (310/327-5143), all using the very same well-known carriers. The chief attractions Taiwan's capital city, Taipei, has the major sights, which begin with the awesome National Palace Museum (see below) but also include the busy streets of the more traditionally Asian northwestern sector of the city (especially around Tihua Street), the famous night markets (I prefer the older Huahsi to the modernized Shihlin), an amazing selection of restaurants, and many traditional structures. The latter include the venerable Lungshan Temple, with its separate Buddhist and Taoist altars to Kwan Yin (goddess of mercy) and Matsu (goddess of the sea); the fascinating Lin An-tai House, a good example of a rich property-owner's abode; and the aforementioned Chiang Kai-shek Memorial, particularly on Sundays, when there is bound to be some kind of activity there. The Champs-Elysees of Taipei is Chung Shan North Road, a tree-lined boulevard flanked by tall, modern buildings and fronted by elegant shops, luxury hotels, and power-status businesses. Just behind the avenue, though, on either side, are little lanes crammed with older buildings, moderately priced restaurants, and small shops, evocative of an earlier time. For getting around, a taxi ride of even a half hour's duration costs only NT$90 ($2.90). There are more than 38,000 taxis in Taipei, more than double the number of cabs in New York City, where the population is itself more than double that of Taipei! Your budget-priced lodgings Affected by a recent downturn in Taiwan's economy, the current asking price for rooms is almost universally 20 percent less than the published rates of hotels. I've quoted the discounted rates below, which are the "walk-in" rates, so don't settle for higher quotes if you try to reserve ahead. If you really are a walk-in, you can sometimes get 30 percent off. You'll want to stay, I firmly believe, in the northwest quadrant of Taipei, the older part of the city, where most of the important sights are and where you can experience a feeling of the classic China. And in a moderate price bracket (I'll quote cheaper properties below), you'll surely like the Hotel Leofoo, 168 Changchun Road, tel. 2507-3211, fax 2508-2070, an older property full of Chinese character and beautifully situated in the heart of the Old Town, where it charges NT$2,400 ($77) for a double room, including breakfast for two. Though the Leofoo is ten stories high and has 232 rooms, it feels more "Old China" than its nearby competitors. Runner-up and more expensive at NT$3,800 ($122.79) per double room is the Taipei Fortuna Hotel, 122 Chung Shan North Road, Section 2, tel. 2563-1111, fax 2561-9777, e-mail fortuna@ms9.hinet.net; taipei-fortuna.com.tw, with its 14 floors and 304 rooms of first-class ultramodern amenities, including three restaurants (one revolving), a health club, and more. And consider the Hotel Capital, 187 Changchun Road, tel. 2507-0168, fax 2507-4620, another modern property with 11 floors and a lobby waterfall. When I last stopped in, the Capital offered me a 30 percent discount, making the twin room rate NT$3,040 ($98). In the budget category ($45 to $59 per room), my own favorite is the Kilin Hotel, 103 Kangding Road, tel. 2331-8133, fax 2314-7070, on a busy commercial street of old shops and various businesses and close to the popular Lungshan Temple; it has two restaurants and 154 slightly old-fashioned but clean rooms at NT$2,200 ($71) per double, tax and service charge not included. Try, alternately, the Green Peak, 18 Lane 77, Chung Shan North Road, Section 2, tel. 2511-2611, fax 2563-8765, a modest six-floor building housing both the hotel and an excellent Taiwanese restaurant (separate entrance), with 45 small but comfortable rooms starting at NT$1,980 ($64) for a twin. In the rock-bottom category (under $40 per double room) are several pleasant spots: The Royal, 5-1 Hwaining Street, is located next door to the Paradise (see above) and is a neighbor to the excellent Shang Ping restaurant (see below). Phone them at 2311-1668, fax 2331-7299, and expect to pay NT$1,250 ($40) for a big double bed, NT$1,460 ($47) for twins. Gwo Shiuan, 10 Jinjou Street, tel. 2521-5205, fax 2551-8006, has a good location near the pricier Fortuna and 56 tiny rooms from as low as NT$1,170 ($38). There's also the Paradise, adjoining the Royal, at 7 Hwaining Street, tel. 2331-3311, fax 2381-3586, with a gloomy lobby but adequate rooms renting from NT$900 ($29). Finally, there's the reliable Taipei Hostel, 11 Lane 5, Lin Shen North Road (6th floor), tel. 2395-2950, fairly clean and very bright, charging only NT$250 to $550 ($8 to $17.77) for its dorm beds and rooms, respectively. Budget dining in Taipei One of Taiwan's chief delights is an abundance of different styles of Chinese cuisine, especially in Taipei, reflecting not only the influx in 1949 of mainland Chinese from every part of the country but a determined effort by these Chinese regional groupings to preserve their culture in all its aspects. Most Chinese restaurants do not have English-language menus, but many display photos of their dishes so that you can point and pick in the event that you and your waiter or the owner can't communicate with words. To economize, look for the business lunch -- main course, soup, tea, and rice often for only NT$200 ($6.45). I quote lunch prices below, dinner being about 20 percent higher, maximum, in my experience. Remember that pork and chicken are cheaper, beef (imported) and seafood more costly. A first regional choice: for the hearty cuisine associated with Shanghai, visit Shang Ping, 1 Hwaining Street (next door to Keyman's Hotel), where shredded beef and green pepper are NT$198 ($6.40), pork with garlic NT$188 ($6), and steamed or fried tofu NT$158 ($5.10). For Beijing-style cuisine, try Celestial, a well-known spot at 1 Nanking West Road (2nd-4th floors, 2563-2171), where shredded pork with vegetables costs NT$200 ($6.45), beef with scallions NT$220 ($7), green onion cake NT$25 (80¢), and dumplings only NT$12 (40¢) each. For Hunan food, try Charming Garden, 16 Nanking East Road, Section 1 (2521-4131), for its famously spicy dishes; and for Cantonese, Ya Yuen Seafood Restaurant, 26 Changchun Street, 2nd floor (2543-5513), where deep-fried grouper balls with pickle sauce run NT$190 ($6.10), as does sauteed shredded pork with vegetables. Elsewhere, Mongolian barbecue, a wonderful do-it-yourself process, can be had at Tan Kung, 283 Sungchiang Road, 2nd floor (2502-6762), featuring all you can eat for NT$299 ($9.65). You pick the raw ingredients at a bar (English-language signs denote pork, beef, lamb, veal, and vegetables), which are then cooked for you. Chinese culture As we said earlier, perhaps the most important reason to visit Taiwan is the National Palace Museum, containing the single best collection of Chinese art in the world. Brought from Beijing just before the Communists captured it in 1949, these works of art are from the Forbidden City and were once the property of the emperors of China. There are excellent guided audio tours in English, with good English booklets and maps at the information desk to the left, just inside the entrance, as well as English-language tours at 10 a.m. and 3 p.m. Admission: NT$80 ($2.50). Take buses 255 or 304 to reach the famous museum. And bear in mind that frequently changing exhibits of Chinese art are also presented at the Taipei Fine Arts Museum, 181 Chung Shan North Road, Section 3 (2595-7656), and at the American Institute in Taiwan (AIT) Cultural Center, 54 Nanhai Road, Monday through Friday from 9:30 a.m. to 6 p.m. and Saturdays from noon to 6. At the National Fu Hsing Dramatic Arts Academy, you can see a Chinese opera such as the Drama of the White Snake following an explanatory film in English every Monday and Thursday from 11 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. The cost is NT$400 ($12.90). You get to the academy, at 177 Neihu Road, Section 2, by taxi, about NT$200 ($6.45) from downtown Taipei, or by city bus 247 or 287 from the main railway station. You can try to learn Mandarin Chinese in private lessons at NT$350 per hour ($11.30) or in small groups at NT$200 per hour ($6.45) starting every Monday or Tuesday at My School, 126-8 Hsin Sheng South Road, Section 1, 2nd floor (2321-7826, fax 2394-5750). Evening entertainment On a recent visit, no fewer than four venues -- the National Theatre, National Concert Hall, Recital Hall, and Experimental Theater -- presented 64 different events in music and dance over a one-month period, ranging from Taiwanese opera to the Philadelphia Orchestra to the Zen Dance Theatre to a "Gala Concert for Flutes." And there are night tours of Taipei offered by Edison Travel (2563-5313) for a reasonable NT$1,200 ($38.80), considering that the price includes a full Mongolian barbecue dinner, visits to the Lungshan Temple and the Hwahsi Night Market, and a night view from atop the Taipei Observatory. Side trips If you have the extra time, you might enjoy a day trip from Taipei to Danshuei, a typical small Taiwanese village full of history, to the northwest of the capital, on the ocean. It can be reached easily in about 40 minutes on the MRT rail system from Taipei's main station, and trains run every six to eight minutes. A second day trip might be to Sanshia, just one hour south of Taipei, where an army of artists and construction workers has for years been rebuilding the Sanshia Tzushr Temple in traditional style, the work still not quite finished but dramatic enough to make this trip worthwhile. Also an hour away, at Lungtan, is "Window on China," the second-largest collection of miniature structures in the world (after Holland's Madurodam), displaying famous sites from all over the world, including China's Great Wall and Forbidden City. The best public transport here is by the Taiwan Bus Company, departing frequently from the Far Eastern Department Store on Paoching Road or on Gueiyang Street near Soochow University's downtown campus. Simply scanning the street scene is an endless source of fascination. The area code for Taiwan is 886, and the city code for Taipei is 2. To reach any Taipei number from the United States, dial 011-886-2, then the numbers we've listed. The rate of exchange in this article is NY$31 to one U.S .dollar.

Pennsylvania Dutch Country

Just 60 miles and a 90-minute drive west of Philadelphia lies Lancaster County, a wrinkle in time where life seems to have remained unchanged since the Revolutionary War. This is Amish country, where many folks still get about by horse-drawn buggy, speak a dialect of medieval German, eschew modern conveniences such as phones and electricity, and plow their fields behind lumbering teams of Clydesdales. Amish men wear buttonless black suits, broad-brimmed hats, and Abe Lincoln beards; the women don white prayer coverings over their hairbuns and aprons over their modestly long, patternless dresses. Dutch Country still exists in the modern world, of course; you will see far more cars than buggies, and housing developments encroach on farmland. But the Pennsylvania Dutch and their strong respect for tradition have helped keep large swaths of Lancaster County seemingly suspended in a bubble of time. Sheep and Holsteins dot the patchwork fields, whitewashed farmhouses and barns cap the low rises, and covered bridges help the two-lane roads cross meandering valley streams. Mass tourism has, of course, discovered the Dutch Country, and tour buses clog Rt. 30 from Memorial Day to Labor Day (worst on weekends and in August). But thankfully, tours stick to the overdeveloped main routes (30 and 340), unloading the buses only at warehouse-sized quilt shops and overpriced smorgasbord restaurants. When you go, avoid roads with route numbers and get lost on the country lanes carving through the lush farmscape. Turn down driveways with hand-painted signs advertising homemade goods to bargain with a farmer's wife for one of the patterned quilts piled high on the beds in an upstairs room (quilts will run $400 to $700, but you can get potholders for $2). Pause at roadside stands as much to make conversation as to buy the homemade root beer and shoo-fly pies (a toothachingly sweet treacle tart). Stop into family-style farm restaurants for heaping platters of hearty home cooking at communal tables. Drive at buggy speed to see life at an Amish pace and better appreciate why they choose this simple but rewarding lifestyle. Though Rt. 30 will get you here from downtown Philadelphia, it's clogged with truck traffic and is the least scenic road in the county. The Pennsylvania Turnpike (Exit 22 or 21) makes for a faster trip to Dutch Country. The regional tourist office is on the outskirts of Lancaster at 501 Greenfield Rd., at the Rt. 30 exit (800/324-1518; padutchcountry.com and 800padutch.com). There's also a Mennonite Information Center at 2209 Millstream Rd., just east of Lancaster off Rt. 30 (717/299-0954). Who are the Amish? What's a Mennonite? Encouraged by William Penn's open invitation to persecuted religious groups, various sects of Christian Anabaptists-Mennonites and offshoots such as the Amish and the Brethren-emigrated from Germany and Switzerland to fertile Lancaster County starting in the 1720s. Close to 40 different groups of Pennsylvania Dutch (a corruption of Deutsch, German for German) thrive here today, from the most conservative of Old Order Amish and Mennonites to more liberal, progressive groups of both sects that few outsiders can tell apart from their Methodist neighbors. Though Anabaptists now make up only about 10 percent of Lancaster County's 466,000 inhabitants, theirs is far from a dying culture. In fact, the Old Order Amish population has actually doubled over the past two decades to about 18,000. Whether Old Order or liberal, all groups stress family, community, modesty, hard work, and faith - though they believe church membership should be by choice, so only adults can be "baptized again" (what "Anabaptist" means) into the church. Most practice nonviolence and mutual aid, from the famous communal barn-raisings to caring for their elderly outside of the social security system. Many "Plain People" speak three languages: English, High German for worship, and Pennsylvania Dutch (a pidgin medieval German dialect) at home. Old Order groups adhere more strictly to the "plain and simple life" philosophy, wearing those black suits and solid-colored shirts or dresses, and refusing to drive motorized vehicles (cars erode the sense of community by allowing members to stray too far too fast). The "stop and smell the roses of God's creation" outlook of the Old Orders prefers the slowness of a buggy or foot scooter (a few years back they also approved Rollerblades). You, too, can see the country roads at a horse's trot on a half-hour, $10 (kids 5-12, $5) buggy ride with Aaron and Jessica's, Rt. 340 between Intercourse and Bird-in-Hand (717/768-8828; 800padutch.com/aaron.hmtl); or Abe's, Rt. 340 west of Bird-in-Hand, 2596 Old Philadelphia Pike (717/392-1794). Ed's, on Rt. 896 north of Strasburg, 253 Hartman Bridge Road in Ronks (717/687-0360), does them for $7. One note: Always ask before photographing someone - the Old Orders especially take the biblical injunction against graven images very seriously. Exploring Pennsylvania Dutch Country The bustling mercantile city of Lancaster (cityoflancasterpa.com) is the capital of the Dutch Country. Its Central Market is the nation's oldest farmers market (est. 1730s), open Tuesday, Friday, and Saturday in a Victorian redbrick at the heart of town, where Queen and King Streets cross (717/291-4739). Next door is the free Heritage Center Museum, with exhibits on Anabaptist and other local cultures (717/299-6440; closed Sun-Mon and Jan-April). On the west side of town lies Wheatland, the stately 1828 Federal-style mansion once home to President James Buchanan (1120 Marietta Ave/Rt. 23; 717/392-8721; wheatland.org; $5.50, $1.75 for kids 6-11). Just north of town lies one of the Dutch Country's top sights, the Landis Valley Museum, a preserved farming community whose 18 buildings represent a range of Dutch Country styles from the 1700s and 1800s. They're filled with some 75,000 objects of daily life, and host costumed demonstrations on the lifestyles and practices of Pennsylvania Germans (off Rt. 272, 2451 Kissel Hll Road, Lancaster; 717/569-0401; landisvalleymuseum.org; $7; closed Jan-Feb). There's an excellent new interpretive center on Anabaptist life, history, and culture in Intercourse called The People's Palace, with a highly informative museum and a 20-minute slide show on the Amish (Rt. 340, 3513 Old Philadelphia Pike; 800/390-8436; closed Sun; $4 each for museum or slide presentation, $7 for both). Strasburg takes its railroad heritage very seriously. There is the Railroad Museum of Pennsylvania (Rt. 741; 717/687-8628; rrmuseumpa.org; open limited hours Nov-Apr, check website; $6, $4 kids 6-12); the National Toy Train Museum (717/687-8976; traincollectors.org; closed Jan-Mar and weekdays Apr, Nov, and Dec; $3); and its competitor, Choo Choo Barn (Rt. 741E; 717/687-7911; choochoobarn.com; closed Jan-Mar; $4, $2 kids 5-12). The Strasburg Railroad offers trips to Paradise-45-minutes round-trip-in a nineteenth-century steam train (717/687-7522; strasburgrailroad.com; Dec-Mar weekends only; $8.50-$12.75 depending on train car). Head to Lititz (lititizpa.com) for some edible history. Tour the Sturgis Pretzel House and learn to roll this traditional German snack in America's first pretzel bakery, est. 1861 (219 East Main St. (717/626-4354; sturgispretzel.com; $2). At Wilbur Chocolate's Candy Americana Museum and Store you can see historical chocolate-making paraphernalia and watch the ladies hand-dipping sweets. Ephrata Cloister, outside Ephrata, is the preserved wood-timbered village of one of America's first communes, started in 1732 by an order of Pennsylvania German religious mystics renowned for their music, publishing, and Frakturschriften calligraphy (632 West Main St.; 717/733-6600; $6. $4 kids 6-12; Mon-Sat 9-5, 12-5 Sunday). If you're in the Ephrata area on a Friday, don't miss the massive Green Dragon Farmer's Market & Auction on Rt. 272. Adamstown, at Rt. 272 and Exit 21 of the Turnpike, is jam-packed with Sunday flea markets-such as Renningers (717/385-2177; renningers.com), whose second-hand wares have helped furnish my home - and antiques malls such as Stoudts (717/484-4385; stoudtsbeer.com), behind a fab microbrewery selling rich, German-style brews. It's great sightseeing even if you don't turn up a diamond in the rough amid the bric-a-brac. Amish accommodations Cheap motels line Rt. 30, including Lancaster Motel, between Ronks Rd. and Rt. 896 (717/687-6241; $39-$42). Far more interesting is a stay at a guest-friendly working farm. These usually consist of three or four country - simple rooms with Amish quilts, bucolic vistas, and shared baths. Two dairy farms let you watch the morning milking and help feed the calves. Neffdale Farm is just south of Paradise and closes December to Easter (604 Strasburg Rd./Rt. 741; 717/687-7837; 800padutch.com/neffdale.html; $45-$50). Eby's Pequea Farm offers rooms in an 1814 farmhouse or in modern "Grandma's house," around the bend, overlooking a covered bridge. The Ebys can arrange a unique dinner/history lesson at their Amish neighbor's for just $12 (459A Queen Rd. just north of Rt. 30 in Gordonville; 717/768-3615; $55-$65). Groff Farm House, between Gap and Kinzer, has cozy doubles plus a sunny $50 family room sleeping four (766 Brackbill Rd.; turn left off Rt. 30 at Stagecoach Motel; 717/442-8223; $35). If you prefer your B&B without livestock, Lydia Lantz's Clearwood is like staying at your Amish granny's, with religious admonishments posted in the simple rooms - all shared baths except for one efficiency apartment with kitchenette and private bath for $45 (494 Compass Rd. in Gap, one mile south of intersection of Rts. 340 and 10; 717/442-8229; $35). At the intersection of Rts. 340 and 896 in Smoketown, check out comfy Smoketown Village Guest House (2495 Old Philadelphia Pike; 717/393-5975; $32-$38); or the slightly classier Old Road Guest Home (2501 Old Philadelphia Pike; 717/393-8182; proclaim.net/oldroadguesthome; $39-$55). In train-obsessed Stroudsburg you can even stay in a bona fide converted caboose at The Red Caboose; kids love the idea - and the buggy rides and little petting zoo (717/687-5000; redcaboosemotel.com; $39-$85). MennoniteEats The Pennsylvania Dutch farm the land with their muscles and sweat, so they require huge, German-hearty meals heavy on the meat (sausages, ham loaf, fried chicken, chicken potpie), carbohydrates (mac and cheese, mashed potatoes, buttered noodles, bread slathered with apple butter), and vegetables (beans, sweet dried corn, chow chow pickled veggies). You, too, can feast Amish-style, but steer clear of widely advertised, overpriced, "tour buses welcome" smorgasbords like Miller's, and search out a genuine farm atmosphere. At Amish-run Stoltzfus Farm Restaurant you'll find long common tables laden with platter after platter of all-you-can-eat PA Dutch specialties for just $14. They actually seem disappointed if you're too stuffed for seconds (3716A East Newport Rd. in Gordonville; 717/768-8156; closed Dec-Mar, and weekdays Apr & Nov). Isaac's Deli is a mini local chain charging $2.60-$6.95 for its remarkable sandwiches and real homemade soups (my recent chicken and vegetable was a genuine chicken stock laden with hunks of white and dark meat and farm-fresh veggies). Its locations include: 44 North Queen St., Lancaster (717/394-5544); 555 Greenfield Rd. near the visitors center, Lancaster (717/393-6067); in The Shops at Traintown on Rt. 7412 East, Strasburg (717/687-7699); and in the Cloister Shopping Center (Rt. 272, 120 N. Reading Rd., Ephrata; 717/733-7777). Famed 1950s Zinn's Diner looks like a tourist trap with its giant Amish Farmer out front, but you'll hear as many customers speaking Pennsylvania Dutch as English. Breakfast platters are $2-$4, sandwiches $2.35-$4, and entrees just $6.75-$10.25 (2270 North Park Rd./Rt. 272, one block north of the turnpike at Exit 21; 717/336-2210).