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As owners of New York City restaurant and bar Employees Only, Jason Kosmas and Dushan Zaric have watched their female customers make the same dating mistakes over and over again. So the two--who have nearly 30 years of bartending experience between them--decided to share their expertise in a book, You Didn't Hear It From Us. Let's hear it, guys: What do we do the next time we spot a handsome stranger across a crowded bar? Don't Play It Too Cool"We did a casual poll in our bar about what turned men on, other than the usual Baywatch fantasy. And every single one of the men put a smile at the top of the list." Make Him Lean In "If a man is going to be enticed by you, it's not because his ears are ringing. For whatever reason, men associate voices or laughs that are too loud with a kind of desperation. Dial it down a notch or two." Watch the Perfume "Men want to smell it when they bend in close to talk to you, or to give you a hug or a kiss." Use Body Language "Gesturing adds rhythm to conversation: Use your hands to tell a story, run your fingers through your hair or tuck it behind your ears, stroke your neck. Toss in a quick, light touch on our leg when you're making a point, and we're goners."

Life can get so serious. Sometimes we need a good giggle. Stacy Samuels, Buffalo Grove, Ill. Our husbands may scratch their heads at us, but there's no holding us back now. Maureen Ringenoldus, Mesa, Ariz. When I turned 40, I decided I needed to go on a getting-my-groove-back trip to Jamaica, and I invited my best friend. That was 18 months ago, and we've gone every six months. Moira Pope, Portland, Ore. Each year, we seem to find a little more time to spend having cocktails. Shirley Chase, St. Paul, Minn. With 25-plus years of history, we never run out of things to say. One of our husbands was just amazed that we still have so much to say to each other. We told him it's a girlfriend thing. Joan Kindt, Hardwick, Minn. The best part was that we didn't have to rush off the phone or go back to work from a lunch. We talked and talked and talked. I laughed till my ribs hurt. Linda Brinckerhoff, Fairfield, Conn. You can talk or say nothing at all. Jaci Christman, Fargo, N.D. We go home at the end of the weekend with a fulfillment that only comes from being with someone who's known you for 20 years and would never judge you. Chantel Kushner, Chesapeake, Va. More on Why GGs Matter . . .Our ages range from 22 to 72. You'd never know that there were 50 years between us girls when we go out and play together. Ilene Clayton, Richmond, Va. What could be better than having three of your very best girlfriends by your side on your very first international trip--to Italy, no less? My best friends are steadfast, loyal, and true (and charming--I added that so they won't sound quite so much like golden retrievers!). Martha Allman, Roanoke, Va. We're a lot crazier when it's just us girls. One year my sister was so wowed by the heart-shaped tub that she took a picture. When we saw the photo, we were all rolling on the floor--my sister hadn't thought about the mirrors around the tub and had taken the picture au naturel. Nancy Pucke, North Bend, Ohio The most memorable trip was a cruise that I took with two good friends. Our best times were at night at the piano bar. Our singing wasn't the best, but we made friends, laughed, and sang with the crowd. Nancy Huber, Dublin, Ohio Once, we shopped so much that we had to take the shoes out of their boxes so we could fit everything else in the trunk. Lenora Primus, New York, N.Y. Everyone is allowed to pack as much as she wishes without reproach. Lori Knowland, Gainesville, Fla. Here's what we do not bring: men, children, BlackBerries, laptops, business attire, business talk, gossip, attitudes, or umbrellas. One of our most memorable moments was in Miami, getting caught in a downpour of warm raindrops and taking off our heels to stomp barefoot in the puddles. Now that is living. Donna Williams, Redwood City, Calif. In New Orleans, we renewed our friendship, shook off the corporate dust we carried in, and breathed a little again. Jennifer Betityen, New York, N.Y. Our girlfriend getaways can border on wild, as there's always a winery involved. The twist: We're a faithful group and always look for a chapel to remind us to keep a good perspective on things. Maureen Paulett, Richfield, Ohio Each year I get together with a group of women to do the Avon walk for breast-cancer awareness. We met in 2000 as individual walkers but have since become very close. We walk 26.2 miles the first day and 13.1 the second day, nursing each other through sore legs and blistered feet. We sleep in tents, always bringing decorations for our humble abode. This event has enriched my life far beyond words. Janice Farrell, Bay Shore, N.Y. Last year we stole a sled from a neighboring hut and laughed for hours as we whizzed down a beautiful snow-covered hillside. Laurel Amsel, Boulder, Colo. For two years, my friend Michelle was telling me to meet her for a weekend in Las Vegas. I'd always been too nervous, but last March--when my daughter was 5 years old--I thought, What the heck, you only live once! It was such a great weekend in so many ways. We were able to shop, walk, and reconnect. We ate, tried the nickel slots, and went to a show, and we laughed! I haven't laughed that much in a very long time. Cora Waschkowski, London, Ont. So many places, so little time. We've simply got to pick up the pace! Mary Ann Borchert, Belton, Mo.

San Francisco: It's Worth Climbing Hills For Street Made for Shopping Fifteen years ago, Hayes Street (bet. Laguna and Gough) was a run-down neighborhood--now it's a sweet little street lined with unique boutiques: Alabaster carries an exquisite array of housewares, antiques, and art books; True Sake is exclusively devoted to its namesake, Japanese rice wine; and Friend aims to be "an antidote to the sterility of modern design stores." Just around the corner, RAG: Residents Apparel Gallery sells clothing and accessories by more than 60 emerging local designers. You Gotta Do at Least One . . . Walk over the Golden Gate Bridge (or rent a bike from Blazing Saddles). Take the audio tour of Alcatraz--it's engrossing and spooky. Stroll along Ocean Beach on the western edge of the city: The sand is soft, the surfer dudes in wet suits are sexy, and the waves crash over rugged rocks. Get a postcard view of the Golden Gate Bridge, Alcatraz, and the hills by climbing Coit Tower. Sweet Fix Lines at Tartine often snake out the front door, but the pastries at the Mission District bakery--including banana-cream tarts and flaky croissants--are worth the wait. Shops You Can't Find EverywhereLimn: Walking into the store is like entering a design magazine: It's stocked with furniture and modern housewares, like hand-knotted Tibetan rugs, original artwork, and the latest in contemporary European design. American Rag: The store sells a well-curated selection of vintage clothes, plus cutting-edge fashion and accessories from emerging and established designers. Jeremy's: Returned, out-of-season, or slightly damaged clothes and runway samples by Chanel, Prada, and Costume National can often be found for up to 70 percent off retail. 826 Valencia: San Francisco's only "independent pirate-supply store," cofounded by author Dave Eggers. City Lights Bookstore: The North Beach landmark stocks an enormous selection of poetry and books about spirituality and progressive politics. Brand-New Landmark The top-floor observatory of the new De Young Museum is free and offers a 360-degree view of Golden Gate Park, the bay, and the colorful, hilly neighborhoods spilling in all directions. The museum takes on a party atmosphere on Friday nights, with artist demos, performances, and a cash bar set up in the lobby. A large-scale retrospective of Vivienne Westwood's innovative fashions is showing until June 10. Pamper Yourself Enjoying thecommunal bathhouse at Kabuki Springs and Spa costs just $20 and includes warm towels, chilled cucumber facecloths, sea salts, and tea. Massages and other treatments cost extra. Where to Kick Up Your Heels Grown-up drinks: Bourbon and Branch is modeled after a 1920s speakeasy, down to an unmarked front door and an unlisted phone number that changes every two weeks, so online reservations are a must. Outdoor seating: Part biker bar, part beer garden, Zeitgeist is an institution where regulars drink Bloody Marys and beer at picnic tables on the patio. Till midnight: Great music, attentive bartenders, creative cocktails, a stylish crowd, and plenty of seating--no wonder Rye has a devoted following. Till 2 A.M.: Pink grooves late-night, thanks to international DJs and a packed dance floor. Till dawn: Boogie your brains out with boozy bachelorettes and club kids at the Endup. We Love Brunch On a scruffy street in the Mission District, Foreign Cinema screens films on a whitewashed wall in the covered courtyard. On the menu (besides art-house movies): oysters by the dozen, homemade organic fig and nectarine "Pop Tarts," and a killer Dungeness crab croque monsieur. Home Base Hotel Palomar is two blocks from Union Square and close to the city's top museums. Rooms come with playful touches like video games, alligator-print carpets, and persimmon-velvet pillows Amid the mansions of chichi Pacific Heights, the refined 104-year-old Hotel Drisco is ideal for a laid-back, live-like-a-local getaway. The hotel serves free Napa wine and French cheese one hour a day in the lounge on the ground floor Hotel Vitale, on the Embarcadero waterfront, has bay views and free morning yoga. Costing just $30 more, the Family Studios sleep four. What's for dinner? Chef Michael Tusk's intimate Quince has garnered rave reviews for its Italian-inspired dishes--like the tiny, pillowy agnolotti dal plin--made with local, seasonal, and organic ingredients. To snag a reservation, call a month in advance. Sleek, high-ceilinged Nopa is always buzzing, from the time the after-work crowd descends on the bar until 1 A.M., when the kitchen stops serving California-Mediterranean cuisine. Try Something New in San Francisco Sign up for expert A.J. Ferrari's wine seminars (with samples!) at the VinoVenue tasting room. 686 Mission St., 415/341-1930; vinovenue.net. Hotel Palomar 12 Fourth St., 866/373-4941, hotelpalomar.com, from $229 Hotel Drisco 2901 Pacific Ave., 800/634-7277, hoteldrisco.com, suites from $329 Hotel Vitale 8 Mission St., 888/890-8688, hotelvitale.com, from $279 Quince 1701 Octavia St., 415/775-8500, agnolotti dal plin $18 Nopa 560 Divisadero St., 415/864-8643, entrées from $12 Foreign Cinema 2534 Mission St., 415/648-7600, crab croque monsieur $14 Tartine 600 Guerrero St., 415/487-2600, tartinebakery.com Bourbon and Branch 501 Jones St., bourbonandbranch.com Zeitgeist 199 Valencia St., 415/255-7505 Rye 688 Geary St., 415/474-4448 Pink 2925 16th St., 415/431-8889, pinksf.com The Endup 401 Sixth St., 415/646-0999, theendup.com Limn 290 Townsend St., 415/543-5466, limn.com American Rag 1305 Van Ness Ave., 415/474-5214 Jeremy's 2 South Park St., 415/882-4929, jeremys.com 826 Valencia 826 Valencia St., 415/642-5905, 826valencia.org City Lights Bookstore 261 Columbus Ave., 415/362-8193, citylights.com Alabaster 597 Hayes St., 415/558-0482, alabastersf.com True Sake 560 Hayes St., 415/355-9555, truesake.com Friend 401 Hayes St., 415/552-1717, friend-sf.com RAG: Residents Apparel Gallery 541 Octavia St.,415/621-7718, ragsf.com De Young Museum Golden Gate Park, 415/863-3330, thinker.org, $10 Blazing Saddles Five locations, including 2715 Hyde St., 415/202-8888, blazingsaddles.com, bike $7 per hour Alcatraz Island 415/705-1042, ps.gov/alcatraz, $22 Ocean Beach nps.gov/goga Coit Tower Pioneer Park $4.50 Kabuki Springs and Spa 1750 Geary Blvd., 415/922-6000, kabukisprings.com, 50-minute massage $80 VinoVenue tasting room, 686 Mission St., 415/341-1930; vinovenue.net

New York: If You Can Make It There . . . Where to Kick Up Your HeelsGrown-up drinks: On every table at Pegu Club are droppers with lime juice and mixers for individualized drink calibration--if the obsessive bartenders didn't master your concoction from the get-go. Outdoor seating: Overlook the Meatpacking District nightlife scene without ever leaving it at Plunge, the poolside rooftop lounge of Hotel Gansevoort. Till midnight: Italian wines and paninis are served at both of Bar Veloce's intimate, counter-and-bar-stool outposts. Till 3 A.M.: On the 20th floor of an office tower, 230 Fifth is a 20,000-square-foot club on two levels, with Versace-meets-Versailles decor and a spectacular terrace with 500 chairs. Till dawn: Les Enfants Terribles is a French-African restaurant by day; later, it's a hotspot for those in the know. Something you'll regret: Kitschy Mexican joint Tortilla Flats rocks all night, especially after 1 A.M. on weekends, when margarita pitchers are $5 off. Must-See Museum ShowThe Whitney's Summer of Love: Art of the Psychedelic Era--paintings, album covers, posters, photographs, and sculptures that came out of the social changes of the 1960s and '70s. Streets That Are Made for Shopping Elizabeth Street (bet. Houston and Spring): independent boutiques with stylish heels and dresses. East Seventh and East Ninth Streets (bet. Second Avenue and Avenue A): funky vintage threads. Madison Avenue (bet. 57th and 72nd Streets): celebrity designers like Donna and Calvin. You Gotta Do at Least One . . . Walk across the Brooklyn Bridge; then wander through the neighborhood of Dumbo, stopping for pizza at Grimaldi's and dessert at Jacques Torres Chocolate. See the Manhattan skyline from the Staten Island Ferry (it's free!). Venture up to the three-floor art deco observation deck at Rockefeller Center--it reopened in 2005 as Top of the Rock, and the views are wow. Row a boat around the Central Park Lake for a lazy afternoon. Shops You Can't Find EverywherePatricia Field Boutique: The store of the stylist and fashion guru behind Sex and the City stocks her own label and those of her favorite designers. The Market NYC: Up-and-coming clothing and jewelry designers sell their wares in booths (FYI, it's also known as Young Designer's Market). Kate's Paperie: The company's five Manhattan locations are filled to the brim with unique note cards, calendars, journals, handmade wrapping paper, and racks of fine stationery; the SoHo store is the best. Dylan's Candy Bar: Flagship of the burgeoning sweets empire of Ralph Lauren's daughter features hard-to-find candy, cute candy-related clothes and gifts, and a retro soda fountain (love the peppermint-striped stools!). INA: Four locations sell seasonal, high-end women's clothing on consignment. We Love BrunchThe quintessential uptown New York brunch destination, Sarabeth's is renowned for its signature pumpkin muffins and scones and the mighty eggs Benedict. Pamper YourselfBliss's flagship spa in SoHo is where the brand got its start. New on the menu: a soaking-and-scrubbing for your achy feet (it's called Heel Magnolias, natch). Sweet Fix Chef Will Goldfarb regularly changes the menu at his dessert-only restaurant, Room 4 Dessert. Particular favorites include layers of flavors in a champagne flute (above), and dessert flights--one plate with four variations on a theme. Psst . . . Avoid the mile-long lines at the Times Square TKTS booth by buying discounted Broadway tickets in advance at playbill.com and theatermania.com. Home BaseRooms at Hotel Gansevoort, in the popular Meatpacking District, come with down duvets, feather beds, and 400-thread-count Egyptian-cotton sheets. And there's a spa downstairs when you need some TLC. The Bentley Hotel has bright, airy rooms--and the hotel gets bonus points for being near Bloomingdale's. The suites at the Doubletree Guest Suites Times Square overlook the Theater District and fit up to six with two beds in one room and a pullout sofa in the other. What's for Dinner? Spice Market, Jean-Georges Vongerichten's popular Meatpacking District restaurant, attracts a high-profile clientele with its intense Asian-fusion flavors, like an appetizer of mango, crystallized tamarind, and cherry tomatoes, and its wooden-temple decor. At the end of an easy-to-miss Lower East Side alley, Freemans is a reliable hipster hideaway in a former carriage house where the food is definitely better than it needs to be: The stuffed prunes wrapped in bacon, called devils-on-horseback, are an out-of-this-world appetizer. Try Something New in New York Fly through the air at Trapeze School New York. It's exhilarating, as anyone who saw Carrie do it on Sex and the City knows. 917/797-1872, newyork.trapezeschool.com, classes from $47. Hotel Gansevoort 18 Ninth Ave., 212/206-6700, hotelgansevoort.com, from $425 Bentley Hotel 500 E. 62nd St., 212/644-6000, from $237 Doubletree Guest Suites Times Square 1568 Broadway, 212/719-1600, doubletree.com, suite from $329 Spice Market 403 W. 13th St., 212/675-2322, pork $16 Freemans Freeman Alley, off Rivington St., 212/420-0012, trout $16 Sarabeth's Three locations, including 40 Central Park South, 212/826-5959 Room 4 Dessert 17 Cleveland Pl., 212/941-5405, flight $14 Pegu Club 77 W. Houston St., 212/473-7348 Plunge Hotel Gansevoort, 18 Ninth Ave., 212/206-6700 Bar Veloce 175 Second Ave., 212/260-3200; 176 Seventh Ave., 212/629-5300 230 Fifth 230 Fifth Ave., 212/725-4300 Les Enfants Terribles 37 Canal St., 212/777-7518 Tortilla Flats 767 Washington St., 212/243-1053 Patricia Field Boutique 302 Bowery, 212/966-4066 The Market NYC 268 Mulberry St., 212/580-8995, weekends only Kate's Paperie Five locations, including 561 Broadway, 800/809-9880, katespaperie.com Dylan's Candy Bar 1011 Third Ave., 646/735-0078 INA Four locations, including 212 Prince St., 212/334-9048 Whitney Museum of American Art 945 Madison Ave., 212/570-3600, whitney.org, $15 Grimaldi's 19 Old Fulton St., 718/858-4300 Jacques Torres Chocolate 66 Water St., 718/875-9772 Top of the Rock 30 Rockefeller Plaza, 877/692-7625, topoftherocknyc.com, $18 Central Park Rowboats 212/516-2233, nycgovparks.org, $12 for first hour Bliss 568 Broadway, 212/219-8970, blissworld.com Trapeze School New York Below Canal Street on West Street, between Piers 34 and 26, 917/797-1872, newyork.trapezeschool.com