5 Tasteful U.S. Trips

Our anonymous Confessor led private walking tours of Rome's museums, ruins, and churches from 2006 to 2008, and again in 2010. Your tour company is "top-rated"? Ha!A high TripAdvisor ranking translates into fat profits, and tour companies will do almost anything for glowing reviews—besides run great tours. The first company I worked for pressured its employees to solicit raves from its customers. Guides who were frequently praised by name were rewarded with better pay, but one of my colleagues was axed because she hadn't been mentioned on TripAdvisor enough. Then she sent her résumé to a rival tour company, which contacted her with an unusual business proposition: She'd get paid for every phony, positive review she planted abouttheir tours. Given such underhanded tricks, praise for brand-new operations by online reviewers is especially dubious. Some travelers could learn a lesson or two about boundariesMy most awkward tour involved a client who was on a two-week honeymoon—by himself, after being stood up at the altar. At lunch, he downed an entire bottle of wine while blubbering over his ex. I felt sorry for him until he began licking a scoop of gelato and staring at my chest, mumbling, "I bet you get lots of guys like me on your tours." Resisting the urge to tell him jilted creepy drunks were, in fact, anomalies on my tours, I said, "Actually, I get a lot of families." Most of what he said next can't be repeated...because I've blacked it out from my memory. But I do remember that he called me "sweetie," mentioned he was "frustrated," and said he was all by himself "in a honeymoon suite with a big Jacuzzi." The silence broke only when he quickly apologized, shoved a sweaty €100 tip into my hand, and melted away with his gelato across Piazza Navona. First rule of tour guides: Never say, "I don't know"I always strive to maintain my integrity. But I know of tour guides in Rome who pull facts out of thin air whenever they're stumped by a question. Travelers seldom check, for instance, whether Vatican City has only 232 residents as their guide says. They simply nod. (In case you were wondering, Vatican City has 829 residents.) Myths and authoritative-sounding details are often more entertaining anyway. One classic ditty passed along by guides has it that the tyrannical emperor Nero played a fiddle while Rome burned in 64 A.D. But the fiddle wasn't actually invented until centuries later. "What luck! We've stumbled upon a store that sells authentic crafts!"Tourists sometimes wind up paying for a lot more than the fee and a tip. A former colleague of mine was a master of the swindle, bringing retired couples to lunch at an "authentic" restaurant—so authentic there weren't any menus or listed prices. The restaurant just happened to be owned by the guide's friend, who gave him kickbacks. After a two-hour feast, the guide excused himself to the bathroom just before the €500 ($660) check hit the table. Another colleague mysteriously morphed her tours of the Vatican Museums to include stops in a nearby fashion district to visit boutiques she knew all too well. Every time I complimented her on the new purse in her arms or a new pair of heels on her feet, she winked and said, "Compliments of the client!" We get back at obnoxious travelers in ways they're not even aware ofOccasionally, we mislead clients or make fun of them behind their backs—but we do this only to the few who are rude. One woman hijacked my tour with painful stories about her energy-drink business. When the Arch of Constantine came into view, she took a break from her ramblings to say, "Oh! The Arc de Triomphe." I happily let her think she was seeing the famous Paris landmark. "Indeed it is," I breezed, before she started yet another longwinded anecdote. My least favorite clients are the loudmouths who feel compelled to make lewd commentary. To that annoying couple from L.A, if you're reading this: Please don't joke about "defrocking" priests the next time you're touring Roman churches. It's disrespectful. Likewise, I never want to overhear another joke about the pop celebrity Madonna while guiding travelers through a gallery of artistic representations of the Virgin Mary.

Great local meal... Kong Yiji in Beijing. It was the only truly local, non-touristy meal that we had the whole trip, and it was absolutely worth it! Emily and I found it in a New York Times article and had the aniseed-flavored kidney beans, braised rice, and the scallion-oil yellow fish soup. We ordered everything through hand gestures. [PHOTO] Our favorite part... The South Bund Fabric Market in Shanghai, without a doubt. [PHOTO] The market has row after row and booth after booth of gorgeous, handmade winter dress coats, suit jackets, traditional robes, and slacks. The craftsmanship was impeccable, and everything was at bargain-basement prices—a shopper's paradise! After honing our haggling skills, we had oxford shirts and trench coats made to order for pennies on the dollar. [PHOTO] Wish we'd known that... Not all restaurants and shopping venues have Western toilets. Eek! What we should have packed... No regrets here! Emily and I were expert packers on this trip and brought only one bag each. I suppose we could have packed less, but I'm thrilled I brought granola bars and bite-size Snickers to keep me sated between meals. Worth every penny...The Peony Aroma spa in Shanghai. It was recommended to us by a Brazilian expat we met in a convenience store. (Always talk to the locals!) For about $35 each, we had 90-minute full-body massages—the perfect way to end any long day. [PHOTO] Fun surprise... A tiny tea parlor in Beijing. We were attempting to go to a steak place one night, but the storefront looked deserted, so we strolled down the street. A few shops down, tucked away, was the shop. The curator spoke no English and we knew no Chinese, but he begged us to come in; we happily obliged and experienced our first tea ceremony. [PHOTO] He heated the electric kettle and poured water over the host cup full of oolong tea leaves. He pointed to maps and spoke passionately about the tea (we assume!), and we laughed and drank and had a grand time. We walked out with a stash of loose-leaf green tea and a great memory. Overrated...Suzhou, about 90 minutes or so outside of Shanghai. It's commonly known as "the Venice of China." There was a lovely garden, but the air quality was poor, and the canals were full of brown water and crumbling homes. [PHOTO] Moment when things got tense... When I was adjusting to the time difference. The beginning of the trip was so tough—I was literally waking up when I would normally go to bed, and vice versa. I think there were moments when Emily wished she could have gone out to do some exploring, but couldn't because I was out cold. We're still laughing about... Our trip to Lotus Thai in Beijing. We were wandering around looking for a place for dinner when we spotted a hotel and decided to get a suggestion from an English-speaking concierge. He said that if we wanted Thai food, we should "turn left, walk to the KFC, and go downstairs." What?! KFC? But those were the exact directions. Thinking of it as an adventure, we forged ahead. Sure enough, we spotted the KFC several blocks later and realized that it was next to the entrance of a gigantic underground mall. Of course, the concierge had not said anything about a giant mall! The mall had several stories full of brightly lit, high-end shops, plus an indoor skating rink. [PHOTO] It was a wonderful find! And there, on the bottom story, was Lotus Thai. Hotel we liked... The Beijing International Hotel. It had the most comfortable bed of the three hotels we stayed in across the country, and its proximity to great shopping and sightseeing spots like Tiananmen Square was perfect for us.

UNITED STATESCrater Lake Thousands of years ago, the top of a 12,000-foot-high volcano in the Cascade Range exploded. The massive pit left behind became known as Crater Lake, the centerpiece of a national park in southern Oregon that displays nature at its rawest and most powerful. Forests of towering evergreens and 2,000-foot-high cliffs surround the lake, where extraordinarily deep waters—at 1,943 feet, it's the deepest lake in the United States—yield an intense sapphire-blue hue. If winter hiking and cross-country skiing aren't your thing, wait until early July to visit, when the roads have been plowed and the trails cleared. Rim Drive, a 33-mile road that encircles the lake, has picture-perfect views from all sides. For a closer look, follow the mile-long Cleetwood Cove Trail to the shore. Brace yourself before diving in: The water temperature rarely rises above 55 degrees Fahrenheit.Nearby: The laid-back mountain town of Bend, 112 miles away, makes a nice home base for a Crater Lake day trip. SEE THE 12 MOST BEAUTIFUL LAKES IN THE WORLD! CANADAPeyto LakeAlberta's Lake Louise is the famous one, on all the postcards and posters. But Louise's sister lake 29 miles north along Icefields Parkway, a two-laner that winds 142 miles through the Canadian Rockies, is even more picturesque. Thanks to glacial rock flour that flows in when the ice and snow melt every summer, the waters of Banff National Park's Peyto Lake are a brilliant turquoise more often associated with warm-weather paradises like Antigua and Bora-Bora. For the most dramatic views of the 1.7-mile-long stunner, encircled with dense forest and craggy mountain peaks, pull into the lot at Bow Summit, the parkway's highest point, and follow the steep hike to the overlook.Nearby: The town of Banff, the heart of the park, is 62 miles south of Peyto Lake. MALAWI Lake Malawi Home to 1,000 species of fish—estimated to be more than anyplace on earth—Lake Malawi (also called Lake Nyasa) is Africa's third largest lake at 363 miles long and up to about 50 miles wide in spots. Located in a depression 2,300 feet below sea level, it's positioned at the crossroads of Malawi, Mozambique and Tanzania, and supports hundreds of local villages with its rich underwater stock (which is, unfortunately, gradually being depleted due to over-fishing). The lake's southern portion—as well as a bordering nub of wildlife-rich land, Cape Maclear—represents the world's first freshwater national park; it was also named a UNESCO World Heritage Site in 1984. A star of the waters here is the mbuna, a native freshwater fish known for eating directly from people's hands. Bring your snorkel gear—as beautiful as the scenery is, the best part about Lake Malawi is what's swimming beneath you in the crystal clear water. Nearby: Cape Maclear, located within Lake Malawi National Park, is a perfect base for exploring the area. PHILIPPINES Taal Lake This dangerous beauty, situated just 37.28 miles south of Manila, has two distinct claims to fame: It is the deepest lake in the Philippines, with a depth of 564 feet. It is also home to one of the world's smallest but most active volcanoes, the Taal Volcano, which sits within its waters on the island of Luzon. The lake itself was formed when a larger volcanic crater here collapsed; now seismologists spend a lot of time monitoring this spot for tremors, and sending out frequent eruption warnings through the country's Department of Tourism. Plenty of tour groups offer trips to the natural wonder—in spite of the fact that it has been declared a permanent danger zone. A safer way to see the volcano is by taking a drive along the Tagaytay-Taal ridge in nearby Tagaytay City. Nearby: Adjacent Tagaytay City offers some well-priced accommodations, in addition to the best views of the lake. GUATEMALALake Atitlán Nearly a mile up in the highlands of Guatemala, Atitlán (Lago de Atitlán) rests at the foot of three massive conical volcanoes. Small Mayan villages line its shores, which are set off by steep hills draped with oak and pine trees and nearly 800 plant species. There's no single, must-see view of the lake, so try several vantage points: from up high on Highway 1; from the town of Panajachel, the buzzing market hub that juts out into the water; or aboard a lancha, one of the many small boats that ferry visitors from village to village. We're saddened to note that the lake has built up high levels of blue-green algae over the years (in October and November 2009, a film of green scum began briefly marring its surface; since then there have been ambitious efforts to solve the problem).Nearby: Panajachel is about 2.5 hours by car from Guatemala City. SCOTLANDLoch Lomond With a backdrop of windswept rolling hills and medieval castles, Loch Lomond feels like it's straight out of a Victorian romance novel. The 24-mile-long lake is dotted with islands, some so small that they disappear when the water levels are high, and others large enough to be (sparsely) inhabited. Most ferries stop at the largest island, Inchmurrin (population 11), so visitors can get a look at the remains of a 7th-century monastery and the 14th century Lennox Castle, used often as a hunting lodge for kings.Nearby: The lake is 24 miles north of Glasgow and 66 west of Edinburgh. ITALYLake Garda If the shape of Italy is a couture boot, think of the imprint of Lake Garda as a design from the funky sister line—long and skinny at the top, opening up toward the bottom. Garda is the country's largest lake and one of the most popular vacation spots among Italians. The southern shore is home to hot springs, resort towns with pastel villas and terra-cotta-roofed hotels, and most of Garda's 28 miles of serene, pebbly beaches. To the north are the jagged peaks of the Dolomites, a magnet for hikers and bicyclists who want to test their endurance. In Malcesine, an adorable speck of a town with cobblestoned streets and a medieval castle, you can board a cable car up to Mount Baldo for one of the best aerial views of the lake.Nearby: Lake Garda is about halfway between Milan (89 miles away) and Venice (109 miles away), but to get the full, relaxing effect, stay in one of the south shore's many small towns. FRANCELake Annecy This alpine lake in the heart of the French Alps is a looker, but don't expect to spend your visit gazing over the water in quiet reflection. Lake Annecy is all about activity—particularly in August, when Paris shuts down and the French take extended holidays. Sailors, kayakers, and water-skiers crisscross the water; bikers and hikers hit surrounding nature trails; and refugees from the city fill the outdoor tables at the lakeside restaurants and bars. Repeat visitors know to plan their trip for the first Saturday of August, when a staggering, nearly two-hour-long fireworks display illuminates the water.Nearby: The closest major city is Geneva, 30 miles north, in Switzerland, but most people stay right on the lake. CROATIAPlitvice Lakes These 16 blue-green lakes, hidden by thick vegetation and connected by hundreds of waterfalls, could be the set for the next Jurassic Park. For adventure as well as killer views, start at one of the lower lakes and work your way up following the sturdy wooden planks that turn what could be a treacherous trek into a fun hike. Take a detour along the 10-minute loop that leads to the region's tallest fall, 230-foot-high Veliki Slap ("Big Waterfall"), a breadth of streaming white water that collects in turquoise pools. While hiking, keep your eyes peeled for deer, wildcats, boars, wolves, and bears—a more likely sighting than a T. rex.Nearby: There are four hotels in Plitvice Lakes National Park, but most people drive in for the day from Zagreb, about 2 hours by car. KENYALake Nakuru The water is blue enough, and the backdrop—grasslands and rocky hillsides—has the makings of a nice photo, but neither is what sets this lake in central Kenya apart. The real draw here is the mass of pink on Nakuru's edges. Flamingos are one of the few species that can withstand the lake's hostile conditions—the water has so much sodium carbonate that it burns nearly everything that touches it —and they flock to the lake en masse. There can be as many as a million birds feeding on algae in the shallows at one time, wading side by side.Nearby: The lake is in the heart of Lake Nakuru National Park, a sanctuary for black-and-white rhinos, three hours by car from Nairobi. NEW ZEALANDLake Matheson Alternately known as Mirror Lake, this South Island lake is famous for its reflections of Mount Cook and Mount Tasman. Visiting just after dawn is ideal, when the water is at its calmest and mirror images are impossibly perfect. The lake itself is well worth exploring, too. Park near the Clearwater River suspension bridge and follow the 1-mile loop past kahikatea and rimu trees, which have extra-tall trunks and fanciful bushy tops and look like something from a Dr. Seuss book.Nearby: Fox Glacier township, a village that serves as a base camp for trekkers, is three miles east of the lake. SLOVENIALake Bled Why not get to the good stuff right away? To take in this Slovenian lake's most breathtaking vista, head immediately to Bled Castle, at the edge of a sheer, 460-foot-high cliff. You'll see mountains in every direction—the Julian Alps and the Karavanke range—and below, the Alpine lake and its main attraction, Bled Island, a tiny forested circle that's home to the 17th-century Church of the Assumption and its prominent baroque clock tower. Down on the lake's shore, board a pletna boat (similar to a gondola) to the island. Be sure to ring the church bell and make a wish before returning to the mainland. Mountains shield the water from icy northern winds, so Lake Bled is warm, relatively speaking (79 degrees Fahrenheit). If that's still too chilly, head to the lake's northern section, where three hotels have built pools around natural thermal springs.Nearby: The Slovenian capital of Ljubljana is an easy 35 miles away.

Great local meal... Brunch at Flapjacks Pancake Cabin in Pigeon Forge: wild mountain blueberry pancakes, flaky buttermilk biscuits, and water served in mason jars. [PHOTO] After our hearty meal—at less than $10 a person—we were in Great Smoky Mountain heaven. Our favorite part... The free Sunday-night songwriters' showcase at The Bluebird Cafe in Nashville. [PHOTO] It's located unexpectedly in a strip mall far from downtown Nashville but has jump-started the careers of musicians like Garth Brooks and Kenny Chesney. Two of my friends, Adrian Hardkor and Ken Francis Wenzel, were playing their second show while we were in town, and we brought along my Betsey Johnson associates to cheer them on. It's a place where people go to appreciate the music, not to chat (T-shirts sold with the Bluebird logo on the front read "shhhhh" on the back). What we should have packed... Heavy-duty sunscreen. It was hotter than Hades in the shade in Tennessee—100 degrees every day. What we shouldn't have packed? Our Nashville guidebook. We never used it. Everything we needed was either a happy discovery or on my iPhone. Total rip-off... While we loved Dollywood, at $55 apiece plus $8 for parking, it was too pricey for what we got. We spent most of the day walking around trying to find rides. They were very spaced out, and the park maps only seemed to be located at the entrance. Fun surprise... In Lebanon, we stopped for lunch at Uncle Pete's Super Truck Stop and Restaurant—and who should saunter over to our booth and sit down next to me but Uncle Pete! He told us about his signed photos of country music stars and how Dolly Parton once stopped in during a snowstorm and stayed to sign autographs. Uncle Pete owns over 4,000 mugs, including ones for every state and 40 countries. [PHOTO] He broke the world record in 2000 for the largest mug collection and has drunk out of each one. Best purchases... The $3 guitar-shaped flyswatter I got at Ernest Tubb Record Shop [PHOTO] and the cowboy boots Brenda found at Boots 'N' More on Broadway in Nashville. At Boots 'N' More, we spotted a cardboard box lying on the ground filled with sadly neglected shoes and labeled "everything in this box $20." Brenda came away with a pair of cute, cream-and-pink low-top cowboy boots that were originally $179. Overrated... Beale Street. The street musicians were fantastic, [PHOTO] but it was very touristy. The shops all carried the same overpriced Memphis memorabilia, and the police barricaded the end of the street off and carded everyone who walked through. We felt like we were on spring break in Miami, but without the beach. Worth every penny... The Drive-By Truckers concert, part of Knoxville's Sundown in the City outdoor concert series. [PHOTO] It was free, but I would pay money to see this band! They play southern rock with a twang. Market Square was set up with tents lining the park. We saw people leaning out of the shop and bar windows that overlooked the stage. At dusk, a crowd was dancing on the rooftops. We were front and center and got a good view of an older fan wearing a hat made out of a PBR box [PHOTO] and a girl sitting on her boyfriend's shoulders who flashed the band to the applause of the crowd. It was a "Did that really just happen?" moment. Hotel we liked... The fabulously quirky Hotel St. Oliver in Knoxville. [PHOTO] You take a leather-clad elevator upstairs, where a real metal key lets you in (after a few sticky tries). The rooms are filled with antiques, old framed photos, and a surprise at every turn. We loved the sculpture of a metal eagle on the claw-foot table at the end of the bed and the sepia-toned photos in the bathroom. I felt like I had stepped into the Professor's house in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe and would discover a wardrobe with Narnia hidden behind some musty, fur coats. The view from the window looked out on Market Square, so we could watch the bands getting ready for sound check.