Confessions Of... A Disney Cast Member

By Robert Niles
May 3, 2010
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Courtesy Disney
"Let's just say the show wasn't exactly G-rated."

Robert Niles spent five summers working on rides such as Pirates of the Caribbean and Tom Sawyer Island at Walt Disney World. He currently edits the site Theme Park Insider.

Excuse me, young man, are you pregnant?
What's more terrifying than the 38-foot drop on Disney's Big Thunder Mountain Railroad? Having to ask women in line if they're pregnant. It's for their own safety, but forget a woman scorned—hell hath no fury like a woman who's been mistaken for being pregnant. Once, when I was in training, I watched a coworker approach a larger female park visitor and ask, "Excuse me, ma'am, but are you pregnant?" "Pregnant!?!" the woman screamed, her voice turning heads at the happiest place on earth. "No! What are you saying? Do I look fat to you?!" She turned to her friend and screamed some more: "They think I look fat. Let's get out of here!"

I was so traumatized by that incident I crafted a plan to avoid offending anyone. Whenever I spotted a "suspect," I asked everybody in the vicinity—including teenage boys and women in their 70s—if they were with child. If the woman I suspected was actually pregnant, she left the ride quickly. If she wasn't, she just thought I was working a gag.

I sure am Randy today
Disney made the "first name" name tag famous, but the tag doesn't always match the person wearing it. One day, as I was steering the raft to Tom Sawyer Island, my name tag dropped into the river, forcing me to get a new one. There wasn't a single "Robert" left, so until a replacement could be made, I pretended to be "Randy," a name that amused visitors from the U.K. to no end. Elderly English ladies lined up to have their picture taken with me. One screamed when she saw me, grabbed her friend, and yelled, "Is that really your name?" Being a good Disney cast member, I lied and said yes. The friend said, "You know, we love a good randy man back home." But lady, even I'm not that good a cast member.

To get onstage, dress the part
A few attractions choose audience volunteers to be part of the show, but the selection process is far from random. Typically, you need to be a certain gender, size, and age for each of the different roles. You might even need to be wearing a specific item of clothing. On my off days from work, I used to go over to Universal Studios, and I would get picked all the time to play "Mother" in the old Alfred Hitchcock show. They needed a guy my height and weight who happened to be wearing the same type of plain white tennis shoes I always wore. Also helpful for getting picked: cuteness and enthusiasm. Curious kids who ask nicely and look excited often get extra attention, along with thrilling perks like riding up front and introducing shows.

Stroller relocation program
Disney's a family place, but the people who work there come to loathe strollers. It's part of a cast member's job to keep strollers in nice, orderly lines and to make sure they're only left in designated areas. But park visitors keep their strollers in an appalling condition, loaded up with dirty diapers, rotting bottles of milk, and half-eaten PB&J sandwiches. Others see no problem with parking their strollers right in front of an attraction's exit or entrance. Sometimes thoughtless individuals like this incur the wrath of the stroller police, and their precious Bugaboos and Maclarens are intentionally relocated to a place "far, far away"—at the very back of the area cordoned off for strollers.

Yo, ho, ho and a bottle of (confiscated) rum
On special Grad Nites, when Disney hosts loads of freshly graduated high school kids, the park puts extra staffers inside Pirates of the Caribbean and other rides as lookouts to monitor less-than-legal activities. Our focus was mostly on what the kids were consuming. Booze, cigarettes—you name it, and a Disney cast member has confiscated it from a 17-year-old at one time or another. One clever kid, forced to hand over his bottle, noted the irony of getting busted in the middle of a ride that celebrates a drunken pirate orgy. "Hey, don't the pirates have enough?" he asked. "They need mine, too?"

Please keep your happiness to yourself
This attraction has been camera monitored for your safety. That's the spiel Disney broadcasts over its loudspeakers for many rides. But the cameras are also meant to protect you from yourself. One night, while most parkgoers were watching the fireworks display, a couple strolled over to Pirates of the Caribbean, where I was working. They not only had a boat to themselves, but empty boats all around them. The real fireworks display, it turned out, was visible on the security cameras to all of us working that night. Let's just say the show the couple put on wasn't exactly G-rated.

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Stranded by the Volcano: 6 Lessons Learned

Go to the airport every day for the best shot at open seatsWhen the ash cloud lifted, I was on one of the first flights out of London. How did I escape faster than most of the 40,000 other Americans stuck in Britain? And even more mysteriously, why did my London-to-Seattle flight have…lots of empty seats? (A lot of them?!) Here's what happened: The passengers holding tickets for those seats were stuck at other airports and had missed their connections. Americans stranded in London could have grabbed those empty seats had they been at the airport, willing to rebook onto an earlier flight at the last-minute. But they stayed at their hotels instead, or had already been re-ticketed on flights later in the week. The few Americans who did slip onto the early flight with me got on because they were waiting at the airport, waiting. The moral of the story: Chance favors travelers who hang around the airport hoping to take advantage of last-minute opportunities. Write down the names and addresses of everyone you meet while you're travelingI have zero friends in England. But my laptop happened to have the contact information for a British friend I had met when traveling in the Laotian city of Luang Prabang in 2003, and for another Briton I had met while touring Germany in 2007. When I contacted them, each offered me a place to stay, which, as hotel nightly rates reached about £400 (or roughly $600) per night, was a lifesaver. In the future, I'll jot down names and phone numbers as I go, storing them in my cell phone, computer, or in notebooks—just in case. Bring extra medicationsMost of the horror stories I heard were from Americans with major health issues who were out of medication. Many had brought a few spare pills but simply never imagined they'd be stuck for upward of 10 days. They spent many anxious hours trying to track down additional pills and then paid through the nose for prescriptions. It was a stressful ordeal, even for people whose health care policies will reimburse them for their purchases. And, yes, ladies, this applies to you: Bring an extra month of birth control pills, always. Have a backup plan…for your family and your petsThe people who were most panicked were those with children and pets at home—and no backup plan. My dog sitter was fantastic, but she also had the name of a friend of mine with keys to my home who is kind enough to take care of Mabel the poodle anytime. Keep an extra house sitter, dog sitter, and babysitter on standby, and make sure they have all of the relevant keys before you go. Join Skype and Pingo ahead of timeYes, everyone knows about the free Internet-based telephone service Skype. But old-fashioned discount calling cards, such as those sold by Pingo or Nobel, may be a better way to call internationally, because you don't need Wi-Fi access. I was particularly glad that I was already a member of Pingo (with $5 in my account) the moment the first airports closed. I just picked up any pay phone, dialed the toll-free local access number, and called my boss's cell phone to tell him the situation. As the week dragged on, I reached out to others on Skype, calling people's cell phones and office lines to update them on my predicament and sending text messages for free (because texts on my cell cost 35¢ a pop). Savvy travelers may want to set up Skype Mobile on their phones or iPod Touches before they go abroad to take advantage of free texting-whether there's a crisis or not. Consider rebooking a flight on an airline with the largest presence at your airportA travel meltdown in one corner of the globe can create a ripple effect worldwide as planes and flight crews end up scattered far from where they need to be. Airlines make every effort to get their planes back to their hub (or "main airport")—and to get back on schedule. I was booked on British Airways, which was lucky for me because the airline spent the no-fly week running passenger-free flights to get planes back into position at the hub in Heathrow. On the flip side, my boyfriend, who was stranded in JFK en route to London, wasn't so fortunate. He was on an Air France flight, and the airline was trying to get its planes back to its home base…in Paris. Six hours after the airports opened, I was boarding one of the dozens of empty planes at British Airways' hub in Heathrow. My boyfriend was delayed for days. So what's my advice? If you're stuck at an airport, ask an agent which airlines have a hub there. If your airline doesn't have major operations there, consider cashing in your ticket for a refund and rebooking a flight on an airline that has a lot more planes available.

San Francisco's Best Street Food

Note: The location of these trucks and carts varies from day to day. We've listed where you are most likely to spot the delicious grub, but if you want more-specific locations, sign up for each establishment's Twitter feed. Magic Curry Kart 'Hood: Mission District Pulled together from the spare parts of three bicycles and equipped with a checkered tabletop, two burners, and a Buddha statue for good luck, Brian Kimball's Magic Curry Kart is a roving, oddball kitchen serving up the former psychotherapist's Thai curry. Kimball learned to make the dish while traveling in Southeast Asia, and he limits his menu to chicken or tofu simmered with veggies in a homemade red, green, or yellow pumpkin curry paste, all heaped atop a bed of steaming white rice. Once a month, a Vietnamese rice porridge (or chao) covered with chicken, fried shallots, green onions, and mung beans makes it into the rotation. The best part: Kimball will deduct $1 from the meal if you bring your own food container. Twitter feed. From $6. Crème Brûlée Cart 'Hood: Mission District A carpenter by trade, Curtis Kimball was busy remodeling San Francisco's iconic Edwardian houses before he turned his attention to building the Crème Brûlée Cart over a year ago (inspired by his brother Brian's cart, which debuted one week earlier). Dressed in chef whites and armed with a butane torch, Curtis adds unusual flavors to the basic crème brulee recipe with splendid results: Try the orange creamsicle, the dark-chocolate peppermint, or the Baileys Irish Cream, all of which are listed on a bistro-style chalkboard on the front of his cart. Served in a three-inch tin, the creamy dessert has a caramelized top that cracks delightfully with a spoon. Fabric8 courtyard, 3318 22nd St., between Guerrero and Valencia Sts. 6 p.m–8 p.m. Fridays. Twitter feed. From $4. Liba Falafel Truck 'Hood: The base of Potrero Hill Amsterdam's falafel stands were the inspiration for chef Gail Lillian's 7-month-old Liba-mobile. Decorated with bright flowers and lime-green signage, the truck has a self-serve condiment bar with 15 different toppings made from scratch, like an olive-orange relish with thyme and a dill-and-cardamom pickle. For her own favorite falafel, Lillian uses a wheat pita and layers the organic chickpea fritters with hummus and a kicky harissa; then she adds pickled onions and homemade tomato ginger chutney before tossing in rosemary peanuts for extra crunch. A side of hand-cut sweet-potato fries with cilantro, garlic, and lime makes for a satisfying meal. 155 De Haro St. at Alameda St., 11 a.m.–2 p.m. Fridays. Twitter feed. (Also call 415/806-5422). Falafel sandwich from $5, sweet-potato fries $2. RoliRoti 'Hood: Embarcadero Thomas Odermatt grew up working at his dad's butcher shop in the Swiss Alps. He now operates the RoliRoti rotisserie truck, with its 26 smoothly rotating skewers that can roast up to 80 free-range chickens at a time. Odermatt cooks his meat selections (including seasonal choices like lamb in the spring and duck in the winter) at the same low, even temperature for up to two hours, and the meat bastes itself with the drippings from higher racks. But it's the porchetta sandwich—roasted pork loin wrapped in crisp pork belly and doused in pinot grigio—that has tourists lining up at 8:30 a.m. on Saturdays at his Ferry Building Marketplace location. He can sell about 350 of the juicy sandwiches on a good day. Ferry Building Marketplace, 1 Ferry Building, 10 a.m.–2 p.m. Thursdays, 8 a.m.–2 p.m. Saturdays. Twitter feed. $6–$12. Kung Fu Tacos 'Hood: Financial District Traditional taquerias are plentiful in San Francisco, so when drinking buddies Jonathan Ward and Tan Truong decided to launch a taco truck last August, they went with a Chinese twist and dubbed it Kung Fu Tacos. Their weekly lunchtime spot (in an unassuming parking lot around the corner from the Transamerica building) draws hungry office workers who favor the tortilla packed with lean and juicy roast duck and topped with mango salsa, hoisin sauce, and green onions. Steak and chicken tacos come dressed in a spicy Asian salsa made with ginger and carrot; other taco options are char siu (barbecue pork), mu shu veggies, and the unlisted menu item "dork"—a duck-and-pork combo. Three tacos washed down with a Coca-Cola from Mexico—sweetened with real cane sugar—generally get the job done. Sacramento St. between Montgomery and Kearny Sts., 11:30 a.m.–1:30 p.m. Mondays through Fridays. Twitter feed. From $2. Pizza Politana 'Hood: Embarcadero Chez Panisse alum Joel Baecker and his chef-wife Naomi Crawford were honeymooning in Italy when they got the idea for Pizza Politana. Upon returning, they imported an authentic Neapolitan wood-fired oven and had it mounted on a motorcycle trailer. In no time, they were peddling perfectly blistered nine-inch pies outside trendy bars and at farmers markets in the Bay Area. The pepperoni—made with artisanal sausage—is a staple, and the farmer's pizza is topped with seasonal, local ingredients like Meyer lemon, stinging nettles (no ouch factor here—the nettles don't sting after cooking), and green garlic. Half the fun is standing curbside and watching as Baecker and Crawford stretch and top the dough on your very own pie. Ferry Building Marketplace, 1 Ferry Building, 10 a.m.–2 p.m. Thursdays. Twitter feed. $8–$12. Good Foods Caters 'Hood: Bernal Heights Good Foods Caters owner Dontaye Ball developed his famous pulled pork recipe while working as a cook at Google. He marinates the meat in a spice rub for two days, smokes it for six hours, braises it for another six and a half hours, then pulls it into shreds. The all-natural pork is slathered with a homemade, secret-recipe bacon barbecue sauce and spicy coleslaw, and served up in a dripping kaiser roll. To really up the ante, ask for "The Eliminator": pork, brisket, and bacon piled atop a whole-wheat bun. Ball works over his portable grill at the same farmers market he visited as a kid—when sizzling with hot links, smoked chicken wings, and pork belly chunks, the grill can reach a temperature of 600 degrees Fahreinheit. Alemany Market, 100 Alemany Blvd., 10 a.m.–2 p.m. Saturdays. Twitter feed. $3–$10. Sam's ChowderMobile 'Hood: Varies Manned by chef Kevin Ballantine, who trained at the California Culinary Academy, the big red truck known as Sam's ChowderMobile is the nomadic outpost of Sam's Chowder House, located in Half Moon Bay, 30 minutes south of San Francisco. The lunchtime specialty is a Maine lobster roll that's cooked on the spot and served "naked"—with no mayo to disguise the crustacean's natural flavor. It's a pricey $15, but the toasted hot dog bun is stuffed full of tender meat tossed in a drizzle of melted butter (Ok, so it's not totally naked). A clam chowder loaded with littleneck clams, Yukon gold potatoes, and bacon goes for a more affordable $5, and the delicious fish tacos, fish-and-chips, and calamari are reasonably priced at $5 to $11, too. Twitter feed.

9 Cities, 9 Parties for World Cup Soccer

BERLINThe big party: A mile-long sea of black, red, and gold will stretch from the Brandenburg Gate to the Victory Column when half a million fans fill the Strasse des 17. Juni to watch matches shown on boulevard-wide screens—all 48 of the matches from the second round through the final. Marquee matchup: If all goes according to plan, look for an elimination-round clash between Germany and the U.S. on June 27 at 4 p.m. Sing-along: "Auf geht's, Deutschland, schiesst ein Tor, schiesst ein Tor, schiesst ein Tor!" ("Let's go, Germany; goal, goal, goal!") Sideline tip: For a slightly smaller party, catch first-round action (with bratwurst and pilsners) at Prater Garten, a 173-year-old beer garden with picnic-table seating for 600. BOSTONThe big party: The largest World Cup viewing party in the U.S. will take place at Boston's City Hall Plaza, a red-brick and concrete square with one huge selling point: room for the 300,000 people anticipated to show up and watch the final at July 11 at 2:30 p.m. Marquee matchup: Brazil, Italy, Germany, France, and Spain are the most likely contenders to make the final match. Longer shots include the U.S. Go team! Sing-along: Stick with the universal soccer anthem, "Olé, olé, olé, olé," and you'll be fine regardless of which teams reach the final. Spirit colors: Boston was painted red, white, and green when Italy won its fourth title in 2006—expect a crowd lopsided in that country's favor if the Azzurri reach the final again. Sideline tip: The recently renovated Boston Children's Museum gets in on the South African excitement with a two-day festival of African food, music, and dance, June 11 and 12 (308 Congress St., 617/426-6500). CHICAGOThe big party: The Chicago Bears' house welcomes a different brand of football, with 40,000 people expected to watch the July 11 final on the Jumbotron at Soldier Field. Admission is $20. Marquee matchup: If the U.S. or Mexico makes the final, expect a sellout crowd closer to the stadium's 63,000-person capacity. Sing-along: American soccer fans are still looking for their own fight song. In the meantime, chants of "U-S-A, U-S-A!" are sure to fill the air if our team reaches the championship. Sideline tip: During the rest of game day at Soldier Field, walk around the World Cup Festival, with South African movie screenings and a French Bastille Day feast. On May 10, a couple of months before the key day, catch an early look at the Mexican team in a Soldier Field exhibition match against Senegal. MEXICO CITYThe big party: Up to 100,000 fans will fill the Plaza de la Constitución, a square framed by the National Palace—the baroque building that serves as the seat of the federal government—and the gorgeous Metropolitan Cathedral, to watch Mexico's matches on huge outdoor screens. Marquee matchup: Mexico is the favorite as it takes on host country South Africa in the tournament's opening game, June 11 at 9 a.m. Sing-along: "Cielito Lindo" ("Pretty Sweetheart"), a traditional song adopted as an anthem for the soccer team: "Ay, ay, ay, ay, canta y no llores" ("Ay, ay, ay, ay, sing and don't cry"). Sideline tip: Because of the time difference, games start as early as 6 a.m. in Mexico—a headache that can be treated with a café con leche and sweet pastries from nearby Café de Tacuba. Or a cerveza from Salón Corona ($2) if you want to start the party early. PARISThe big party: In the shadow of the Eiffel Tower, 15,000 fans will pile into the grassy mall known as the Trocadéro every match day, watching giant TVs and hoping to cheer the Blues to a third consecutive final. Marquee matchup: If France breezes through the early rounds as expected, look for a quarterfinal showdown with another title contender, England, on July 2 at 8:30 p.m. Sing-along: There's no signature song, but there's plenty of screaming of "Allez les Bleus!" ("Go Blues!"). Sideline tip: Just two days after the final match, the celebration will likely move down the Seine River to Place de la Bastille for an annual dance party that promises to be especially festive if the French squad wins a championship. RIO DE JANEIROThe big party: If celebrating were a competitive sport, five-time World Cup champ Brazil would be unbeatable. Case in point: 32 straight days of 20,000-person Copacabana Beach parties, starting with a pre-Cup concert June 10 and including live beach broadcasts of all 64 matches. Marquee matchup: Clash of the titans against sixth-ranked Portugal, June 25 at 11 a.m. Sing-along: "A Taça do Mundo é nossa! Com Brasileiro, não há quem possa!" ("The World Cup is ours! No one can handle Brazilians!"). Sideline tip: Drop by Estádio do Maracanã, one of the world's largest stadiums and site of the 2014 World Cup. Even if the stadium is closed to tours because of renovations, you can stand in the pavement footprints of soccer greats Pelé and Ronaldo at the accompanying museum (Rua Professor Eurico Rabelo, 011-55/21-2234-1705, $11). ROMEThe big party: There's only a footprint left of the Circus Maximus stadium where ancient Romans gathered to watch chariot races, but it's a large footprint. About 700,000 fans packed into this standing-room-only grassy knoll (and the nearby streets) to watch Italy's team hoist the 2006 World Cup trophy. Feeling bullish about a repeat, Rome will invite fans to watch every 2010 match here. Even Caesar would have been impressed by the anticipated crowds. Marquee matchup: Italy vs. up-and-coming power Paraguay, June 14 at 8:30 p.m. Sing-along: No one is quite sure why Italian fans took to chanting to the tune of the White Stripes' "Seven Nation Army" during the team's 2006 title run, but they liked the result and have stuck with the song ("I'm gonna fight 'em off/A seven-nation army couldn't hold me back"). Fans sing along to the pounding guitar riff: "Po-po-po-po-po-PO-ooh." Sideline tip: The viewing parties are just one part of this year's Estate Romana (Roman summer), a four-month festival of open-air movies, concerts, and sporting events in classic settings like the ancient stone amphitheater at the port of Ostia Antica, including the Golden Gala, a track-and-field event that brings world-class athletes to Stadio Olimpico on June 10 (estateromana.comune.roma.it). SYDNEYThe big party: Australia's enthusiasm for its boys in green and gold will be on full display in Darling Harbour, where two floating Jumbotrons are set to screen every game for the total of 30,000 fans watching for free from adjacent Cockle Bay Wharf and Tumbalong Park. Expect fireworks by the Harbour Bridge if the Australian heroes triumph. Marquee matchup: Australia vs. three-time champ Germany, June 14 at 4:30 a.m. Sing-along: "Waltzing Matilda," a nationalistic ballad about a noble sheep thief, is the raucous anthem belted out during games. Crowds will sing lines about the itinerant worker (called a swagman) who dove into a small lake (a billabong) to escape capture: "Up jumped the swagman and sprang into the billabong, 'You'll never take me alive,' said he." Sideline tip: Stay awake before the late-night (and early-morning) matches with lively experimental music, film and theater events at the Vivid Sydney festival, held at the Sydney Opera House and various other locations May 27 through June 21. TOKYOThe big party: Up to 37,000 fans, many clad in all-blue outfits topped with red-sun headbands, will head to the Saitama Super Arena to watch their Samurai Blue play first-round matches on the big screens, while the national team mascot, a blue-shirted, soccer-playing bird, leads the cheers. Marquee matchup: Japan vs. Netherlands, June 19 at 8:30 p.m., for the home country's likely do or die. Sing-along: Japanese fans are considerate enough to craft chants opponents will understand, as in "Vamos Nippon!" That one just means: "Let's go, Japan!" Sideline tip: Like in the U.S. (but almost nowhere else in the world), baseball is more popular here than soccer is, so even more intense fans are on tap at the Tokyo Dome during Yomiuri Giants games (1-31-61 Koraku, no phone orders, tickets from $11).