6 Foolproof Tricks for NOT Embarrassing Yourself in a Foreign Language

By Melody Warnick
June 22, 2012
ForeignLanguageIlloRecrop
Illustration by Erin McLaughlin
You think you asked where the bus stops. What you actually said was that you'd like to shag the bus. Oops! Here, six expert tips to navigate a vacation without becoming the laughingstock of the bus station.

If you've ever traveled abroad, you've done it. The improvised sign language and Hokey Pokey-esque gyrations in an attempt to buy a souvenir at a market or find a bathroom. Becoming fluent in a foreign language isn't really feasible for a one-week vacation, but what can you do to avoid embarrassing yourself? We spoke to language expert Benny Lewis, who runs the website Fluentin3Months.com, and asked him for his top advice for navigating a foreign language. Making mistakes is inevitable, but it's easier than you think to navigate a vacation without getting lost in translation. Even Lewis (who, by the way, is fluent in eight languages, including Portuguese, French, German, and Italian) has had some doozies, including accidentally announcing to a German friend that he was horny and telling a Mexican that he liked to shag the bus every day. (On that note, did you know that embarazada means "pregnant," not "embarrassed" en español?) Do something similar and you'll want to zip yourself into your own suitcase and never come out. Follow his easy tips and you'll never be embarrassed again.

Etiquette Goes a Long Way

Good manners are universal. If you're quick with basics like "hello," "thank you," and "you're welcome," people tend to be more gracious as you flub the rest of their native tongue. One of the best things you can do is to research etiquette expectations before you travel. In Paris, for example, call out "bonjour!" when you enter a shop; in the Middle East, don't admire an object in Arabic unless you want its owner to feel obligated to give it to you. For a primer on local politesse, look up the BBC's fabulous language-learning website with its quick guides to 40 different languages, including lists and audio clips of what not to say in French, Spanish, and Italian.

Learn These Five Phrases

The first thing Lewis does when he hits a foreign country is to learn these key phrases: "Where's the bathroom?"; "How much does that cost?"; "Excuse me"; "The food is delicious!"; and "Do you speak English?" "When you're starting off, grammar is not going to help you," Lewis says. "You need to set phrases so you can communicate the basics to people." Tuck a phrasebook into your bag so you can whip it out on the fly, or download a digital version with audio that tells you just how to pronounce "Where's the bullfight?"

Listen to Pronunciation Before You Go

Nothing gets you the "huh?" expression faster than mispronouncing a foreign word. To get a better sense of how things should sound, check in at Forvo.com, an online dictionary with audio pronunciation. Lewis also likes RhinoSpike.com, where you can upload text and a native speaker will read it out loud and submit a recording for you. How long it takes to get a response depends on how many requests there are for the language you are trying to hear (you can move your request up the queue by recording text for other users).  

Two Proven Tricks for Remembering Words

Visualize words. "I'm a very forgetful person," Lewis confesses, so he relies on old-school memory tricks like creating mental images to match words he's learning. For instance, the word playa, Spanish for "beach," reminded him of "player," so he envisioned a guy using cheesy pick-up lines on the beach. To remember prvni, the Czech word for "first," he broke it down into the sounds "pro van," then visualized winning first place at the Van Olympics. The mental images are bizarre, but you will never forget them! You can also try setting phrases to music. You know how you can still sing all the words to that Depeche Mode song from sixth grade? Music is a world-class memory aid, so put it to use while you nail a few foreign language phrases. To cram "Where is the bathroom?" in Italian, Lewis sang "Dov'è il bagno?" to the ding-dong ditty of the Big Ben chimes. "After a couple times it stuck," he says.

How Technology Can Help

Technology is a godsend for those trying to get by in a new language. Word Lens allows you to hover your phone over text to get an instant translation, even when it's offline. Google Goggles allow for point-and-shoot translation with your camera phone: Just snap a photo from a baffling menu and the app provides on-the-spot translation. Use the Jibbigo app to get a rough voice translation for whatever phrase a waiter or a shop owner says into your phone. The concept of old-school flashcards has also gone digital. "I'm a very big fan of Anki, a spaced-repetition flashcard system you can download onto your smartphone," says Lewis. Anki's algorithm figures out which words are hardest for you-and shows you those more often. You can download premade flashcards decks with the most common words in a language, or make your own with words you see around town. (No worries if you're a tech-phobe: paper index cards do the trick, too.)

The One Expert You Can Always Rely On

When the DIY approach to getting by in a foreign language fails, consult the concierge or desk clerk at your hotel for translations and phonetic pronunciations of stuff you'll need to say that day, such as, "Can I get a ticket to the 7 o'clock performance?" The staff at hotels usually speak multiple languages—and are happy to help.

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11 Most Spectacular New Hotel Pools

Have you ever booked a hotel that advertises a "pool," only to find out that it's no more than an over-chlorinated square in the basement? Consider these 11 water-inspired masterpieces the cure for the common pool.  You can swim in all them, but getting wet takes a back seat to soaking in the jaw-dropping scenery. We explored properties from the valleys of Hawaii to the cliffs of Thailand to find the newest, most visually stunning pools-in some of the most evocative places on the planet. And with prices starting at $69 a night, there's no excuse not to check them out. Just don't forget to pack your bathing suit. SEE THE INSPIRING NEW POOLS Aruba Marriott Resort & Stellaris Casino, Aruba Where adults go to play At family-friendly resorts, having a grown-ups-only section is a boon, which is why in November 2011, this Aruba Marriott unveiled the H2Oasis, a swimming pool and lounge section specifically for over 18s. The sparkling glass-mosaic tiled pool is surrounded by a 10,000-square-foot terrace and nine wooden cabanas that offer privacy (plus free WiFi, ceiling fans, magazines, and loungers) and respite from the powerful Aruban sun. Plus, the waitstaff dole out loaner iPads and free, rum-infused SnoCones, a reminder that this is definitely not the kiddie pool. 101 L.G. Smith Blvd., Palm Beach, Aruba, 800/223-6388, marriott.com. Double rooms from $189 per night. Gansevoort Park Avenue, New York City Gotham's hottest place to cool down This indoor/outdoor heated pool measures 40 feet long, but it's only four feet deep. This isn't a pool for swimming laps or diving in. It's more for floating on your back and taking in the view of the towering skyscrapers around the hotel, plus the Empire State Building just a few blocks away. Don't forget to look down—there is an intricate mosaic on the pool floor of a 1940s pinup. 420 Park Ave., New York, New York, 212/317-2900, gansevoortpark.com. Double rooms from $325 per night. Tierra Patagonia Hotel & Spa, Chile Natural wonders on display The indoor heated pool at this all-inclusive Patagonia resort opened in December 2011, and was made for the region's constantly changing weather. The interiors mimic the outdoors, with a curved wood ceiling and floor-to-ceiling windows that keep the cold out while letting the sunlight in. With only 42 rooms, there won't be a lot of competition for a prime spot in the pool to see one of the most photographed areas of the region—the sparkling Lake Sarmiento in the spring and the snow-capped peaks of Torres del Paine National Park in the winter. Torres del Paine National Park, Southern Patagonia, 800/829-5325, tierrapatagonia.com. Double rooms from $2,100 per person for a three-night stay, including all meals, drinks, transfers, and some excursions. Aulani, Ko Olina, Oahu Seven acres to get wet and wild Disney's newest resort, about an hour from Waikiki, is right on a beautiful Hawaiian beach. But that doesn't mean the pools are an afterthought. The largest is the 8,200-square-foot Waikolohe Pool, part of the seven-acre Waikolohe Valley water park that is the centerpiece of the mega resort. Set against a backdrop of palm trees and lounge chairs, the pool is made for wading and floating, and if you are looking for excitement there's the Volcanic Vertical, a tunnel slide that zooms you through a (fake) volcano in the pitch black. The zero-entry pool really shines at night with in-ground lights shaped like Hawaiian constellations. If that's not enough, the resort also has a tubing stream and a snorkeling pool with angel and butterfly fish. 92-1185 Ali'inui Dr., Kapolei, Hawaii, 714/520-7001, resorts.disney.go.com. Double rooms from $399 per night. Best Western Kuta Beach, Kuta, Bali Affordable hotel with a priceless view Budget chains aren't usually on the top of the list for inspiring pools, but this Bali Best Western proves there's an exception to every rule. Opened in 2011, the high-rise hotel has a gorgeous rooftop infinity pool that's a great spot for a 360-degree view of the Indian Ocean and Kuta, a popular beach town. After watching surfers go to town on the ocean waves, guests can take in the sunset and get in a lap or two. In close competition with the stunning views are the hotel's rock-bottom rates, which begin at $69 per night. Jalan Benesari Pantai Kuta ID Bali, 800/780-7234, bwresortkuta.com. Double rooms from $69 per night. The San Juan Water Beach Club, Puerto Rico Small space with a rocking vibe Revamped with a multimillion-dollar renovation, the popular rooftop pool at The Water Club has been renamed the Mist Rooftop Bar + Lounge, and is once again the place to be in San Juan. The pool itself is small, but the view of the sandy shores and lapping waves is big. Take advantage of the teak lounge chairs and sofas with plush white cushions and catch some rays from el sol. The scene heats up as the day goes on, with a DJ spinning reggaeton and rum flowing into the wee hours. 2 Tartak St., San Juan, Puerto Rico, 888/265-6699, waterbeachhotel.com. Double rooms from $239 per night. The Marina Bay Sands, Singapore Thrill-seeking from 656 feet up The outdoor infinity swimming pool at this mega resort (which opened in 2010) is considered the world's largest. Located a staggering 656 feet above Singapore and 492 feet long (roughly three times Olympic-pool length), it's a thrill-seeker's delight. The pool not only spans three of the hotel's 55-story towers, but the Plexiglas sides give the stomach-churning illusion of no end point in sight. In addition to the adrenaline rush, the pool's location is visual mayhem, with awesome views of the city skyline. 10 Bayfront Ave., Singapore, 011-65/6688-8868, marinabaysands.com. Double rooms from $359 per night. Thompson Toronto, Canada Exclusive views you can't get anywhere else This is the city's only rooftop lounge with an infinity pool and it's an exclusive hotspot—only hotel guests and members have access. It's a hot ticket, too, thanks to the views of Lake Ontario and the Toronto skyline (including the CN Tower, of course). If you dare, swim right up to the edge to see the city coming to life at sundown. Then sip a mojito with the well-heeled crowd lounging on the striped couches in the lounge. 550 Wellington St. West, Toronto, Ontario, 888/550-8368, thompsonhotels.com. Double rooms from $225. Paresa Resort, Phuket, Thailand   Healing energy overlooking the Andaman Sea The focus at this secluded resort high on a hillside is rejuvenation. The two main pools are crafted right into the face of the cliff overlooking the Andaman sea. The infinity pool is especially transfixing after dark, when it is lit with fiber optics that imitate the stars above. The other is the Energy Floatation Pool, said to have healing properties thanks to an eight-pound obelisk of rose quartz that hangs overhead. Some believe that the stone has calming and romance-enhancing energies, as well as recharging and vitalization qualities. Whether you buy into that or not, try to think of the last time you saw someone come out of a pool angry. 49 Moo 6, Layi-Nakalay Rd., Kamala, Phuket, Thailand, 011-66/76-302000, paresaresorts.com. Double rooms from $382 per night. Westin Playa Bonita, Panama Perfect location in a new hotspot Panama's hotel scene is hot (5,000 hotel rooms have been in the works over the past couple of years), with lots of competition for prime beachfront locations and the most exciting amenities. The Westin Playa Bonita opened in January 2012 in an enviable spot—there is a rain forest on one side and the Pacific Ocean on the other. In terms of amenities, the hotel has three freshwater infinity pools steps from the sand. The swimming areas have loads of cabanas if you need privacy (but get there early—it's first come, first served). After you are done taking a dip, watch the ships lining up to enter the Panama Canal's Miraflores Locks. Km 6 Camnino a Veracruz, Panama City, Panama, 011-507/304-6600, starwoodhotels.com. Double rooms from $195 per night. Revel Atlantic City, New Jersey A glam new pool above the historic boardwalk Atlantic City's Revel opened in May 2012 with 14 restaurants, a 13,000-square-foot casino, and a 20,000-plant rooftop garden. Oh, and 10 pools. The showstopper is the InOut pool—a large heated pool that starts inside and winds its way outdoors (if it's too chilly outside, the indoor section has floor-to-ceiling windows so you won't miss a thing going on outside). In the center is an island, where guests can see and be seen while taking in the view of the Atlantic Ocean. 500 Boardwalk, Atlantic City, New Jersey, 855/348-0500, revelresorts.com. Double rooms from $239 per night.

Southwest Smackdown: Santa Fe vs. Sedona

We pitted two of the most popular southern cities against one another to see which one would come out on top. We compared all of the things that give a city personality: boutique shopping, culture, creative cuisine and that special, indescribable feeling that makes you want to come back time and time again. Our conclusion? Each place has its own special appeal. Depending on your interests you'll gravitate to one or the other-keep reading to find out which one belongs at the top of your list (and what to see once you're there). SEE THE CITIES SANTA FE, NEW MEXICO Best for: Art Lovers, Chile Addicts, History Buffs Founded back in 1610, Santa Fe displays its rich history through its architecture, a style known as Pueblo Revival, which is inspired by native adobe structures and includes flat roofs, thick stucco walls, and exposed timber beams called vigas. With a population of 67,947, "The City Different" is known for painter Georgia O’Keeffe, the 1610 San Miguel Mission (the oldest church in the U.S.), and the Santa Fe Trail. GLOBAL GALLERYGeorgia O'Keeffe gets all the press, but the artists at the Museum of International Folk Art have all the fun. This whimsical collection of designer Alexander Girard offers folk pieces-such as masks, dolls, and Day of the Dead figurines-from over 100 countries arranged in quirky dioramas. 706 Camino Lejo, internationalfolkart.org, admission $9. BORDER BITESBefore 1848, this area was still, well, old Mexico. Cafe Pasqual's, named for the patron saint of the kitchen, nods to that past with a cross-border menu that includes a green chile bison cheeseburger. 121 Don Gaspar Ave., pasquals.com, burger with side salad $15. THE RIGHT TRACKAfter the Atchison, Topeka, and Santa Fe Railway chugged out of town, the city was left with 50 acres of abandoned switching grounds and warehouses. Creative locals transformed  the area into a hip, revitalized arts center. Opened in 2008, the Railyard District is now home to 11 contemporary galleries, a 10-acre park, and a farmers market. railyardsantafe.com. SWEET HEATNew Mexican cuisine is dominated by chiles; at Chocolate Smith, they even infiltrate the candy. The specialty is paté, fudgy ganache infused with chipotle or ancho, then dipped in colorful wax that protects the spicy-sweet treat on all-weather hikes in the nearby Sangre de Cristo mountains. 851A Cerrillos Rd., chocolatesmith.com, 1/4 lb. pate $14.25.WHERE TO STAYOpened in 2009 in the shell of the city’s oldest hotel, the Hotel St. Francis takes its namesake seriously. The minimalist decor is monastic chic with rustic, white-plaster walls and wrought iron crosses, wooden statues of saints, and a candlelit baptismal font in the lobby. 210 Don Gaspar Ave., hotelstfrancis.com, from $130. SEDONA, ARIZONABest for: Outdoorsy Types, Spiritualists, Photographers Sedona was founded in wild Red Rock Country in 1902. As you drive through town, you'll see Western-tinged storefronts uptown, mid-century modern homes in the hills, and rustic cabins that incorporate pine logs and round river rocks. The town has been the setting of dozens of Hollywood Westerns, including 3:10 to Yuma and Firecreek,, and now it's home 10,031. HOLY VORTEXNew Agers claim the Chapel of the Holy Cross sits atop a "vortex," one of the city's eight alleged hotspots of spiritual energy. Whether or not you're a believer, the 1956 church has a power all its own, thanks to sculptor Marguerite Brunswig Staude's sleek design, which recalls  the man she studied with, Frank Lloyd Wright. 780 Chapel Rd., chapeloftheholycross.com, free. EATS MEETS WESTDon't mistake the steer horns for kitsch. Housed in one of the city's oldest buildings, the Cowboy Club serves real-deal, high-desert fare like fried cactus, buffalo skewers, and green chile rattlesnake meatballs. 241 N. Hwy 89A, cowboyclub.com, appetizer platter $15. AFTER DARK Sedona's sunsets are legendary, but the folks at Evening Sky Tours know a pitch-black sky has its own appeal. Just outside of town, astronomers lead through-the-telescope tours of planets, stars, and the space station. eveningskytours.com, two-hour tour $60.TAKE A HIKESugarloaf Loop starts in a residential area and  climbs to a summit with 360-degree views of red rock formations like Coffee Pot Rock, which is shaped like a percolator. Buena Vista Dr. and Little Elf Dr., free.WHERE TO STAY Follow the tourists up to Airport Mesa for stunning sunset views. Just next door and adjacent to the very quiet regional airport, Sky Ranch Lodge is a homey alternative to Sedona’s chichi spa scene, with gardens that attract hummingbirds and an onsite bar serving Arizona beers and wines. 1105 Airport Rd., skyranchlodge.com, from $100.

Travel Tips

7 Most Outrageous Travel Fees—and How to Prepare for Them!

Some travel surprises are good: discovering a hidden gem of a trattoria in Florence where you are greeted with hugs and an open bottle of Chianti. Or finding out that the Louvre is free the one day you are in Paris. But then there are the bad surprises: getting the final bill on your cruise and seeing hundreds of dollars tacked on for gratuities. Or showing up at the airport at the end of a blissful week in the Caribbean and being informed you must pay a departure tax, or you can't leave the island (on second thought, being stuck in paradise doesn't sound that terrible). Here are seven fees you should factor into the budget—including a few you can avoid altogether if you're smart. VISA FEES Visas are required for U.S. citizens traveling to some major countries, and the fees can really escalate. Planning on taking that once-in-a-lifetime trip to China? Budget another $140 per person for a visa. A visa to visit India costs $76 (including a service fee), while a visa for Russia costs $170. Countries like Brazil charge American citizens the same amount that our government charges their citizens to visit the U.S.—a hefty $160. Go to the consulate's website to find out how much you are going to have to shell out. It can take a couple weeks to process visas, so be sure to plan ahead or you'll end up paying even more to expedite. DEPARTURE TAXES Have you ever looked at the breakdown of the cost of an airline ticket? Mixed in with the Passenger Facility Charge and the Segment Tax is usually a departure tax for international flights. Many countries charge one, though its not always included in your airfare. If that is the case, you'll be hit up with an exit fee at the airport on your way back to the U.S. This is especially common in the Caribbean and Central and South America. The departure tax for St. Kitts is $37 per person, while the departure tax from St. Maarten is $30 per person. To leave Costa Rica you will owe $28. The fee is usually payable in cash or by credit card and must be paid before proceeding through immigration for your exit stamp. Airport websites often have information about exit fees and you can always call your airline to inquire about the departure tax, too. In case you were wondering, these fees are sometimes levied to cover things like airport construction, road work, and water and sewage system maintenance. RESORT FEES This fee is probably the most hated among travelers, especially since it covers things you probably assumed were free—pool towels, daily newspaper, and even in-room coffee. Hawaiian resorts are notorious for charging extra fees (though there are a few that do not, including the Kona Beach Hotel). The Hyatt Regency Maui Resort & Spa charges $25 per room, per night to cover wireless Internet access, daily local newspaper, and an hour on the tennis courts. The fee can also show up as a percentage added to your room rate, not a flat fee. This is typical in Puerto Rico, where resorts like the Conrad San Juan Condado Plaza add 16 percent to the bill to cover WiFi, local calls, and access to the resort's casino. It's not just beach resorts that tack on the fee: the Bellagio on the Las Vegas strip adds $22.40 to the room rate per night for internet, gym access, and local calls. And these charges are non-negotiable, even if you aren't planning on logging on or working out. Be sure to read the fine print, where resort fees are often tucked away, especially when using a third-party booking site. If you're still not clear on the matter, a simple call to the hotel can determine whether it's a good deal or if considering a resort that's a few dollars more (but with no resort fees) is a better option. CRUISE GRATUITIES Those amazing cruise deals are so tempting, especially for all-inclusive boats where your meals are included in the price. Even if you have prepaid, you will still get a bill before you reach the final port detailing the incidental charges you racked up while you were gliding through the Caribbean. You might be surprised to see just how many piña coladas you ordered by the pool—and that you owe more than $150 for gratuities. Most major cruise lines automatically bill cruisers between $10 and $12 in gratuities for each day of the cruise. Carnival charges $11.50 per day, per person (over the age of 2) for tips to be distributed to the ship's staff. Disney Cruise Lines adds $12 per person, per night for the stateroom host and the dining room wait staff. And these set fees do not include the 15 percent automatically added to your bar tab. Though the charge seems mandatory, if you feel the tip doesn't reflect the service you've received, you can adjust the rate up or down by making a trip to the purser's office to discuss the matter in person. BAGGAGE FEES There is a dizzying amount of variation when it comes to which airlines charge what for checked bags, excess luggage, and even carry-on bags. Spirit Airlines famously charges $30 per carryon bag (it's $45 if you wait until you reach the gate to pay the fee, and is said to be going up to a staggering $100 in November 2012), while your first checked bag is free on Jet Blue and each passenger gets to check two bags free with Southwest. Delta doesn't charge for the first checked bag to most international destinations, but that exact same bag will cost you another $25 if your flight is staying within the U.S. or Canada. The rules are always changing, and it's hard to keep up (Airfarewatchdog.com has a comprehensive and continuously updated chart). It's well worth researching airline baggage policies before you even book. That $50 difference between fares can disappear quickly if you have to pay $70 to check two bags. MONEY EXCHANGE Setting off to explore an off-the-beaten-path beach or a tiny village that's large on charm is all part of the adventure. The mom-and-pop restaurants and shops that line main street are a nice change from the chain stores that every city seems to have, but don't count on them taking credit cards-or the presence of an ATM. It's worth those few minutes on your way out of town to stop at a major ATM (which offer the best exchange rate) before you head out for the day. If you don't, you'll be hit with much higher fees at a foreign exchange bureau—or let the shopkeeper determine how many USD that souvenir is worth. FOREIGN TRANSACTION FEES FOR AIRLINE TICKETS Finding a great price on a flight directly from, say, British Airways or Air France is fantastic. But be aware that just because the price is in USD doesn't mean you won't be charged a foreign transaction fee by your credit card company. The airline is still an overseas business. There are ways around the fee, though. One is to use a credit card that doesn't charge for international transactions (Capital One is one). Or find a U.S. airline partner of the airline you want to book with. For example, if you're looking into flights to Germany and find a deal with Lufthansa, book through their partner United's website instead to avoid foreign transaction fees showing up as part of your charge. Not sure if the airline has a U.S. connection? Airline partners are listed on the company's website, or check to see if they are part of the larger networks (such as the Star Alliance, which includes Lufthansa and United as well as South African Airways and Air New Zealand).

Find Your Roots in Ireland

We got a whiff of noble lineage on one of our first nights on the road in Ireland—only it was from someone else's bloodline. We were staying at the Ardeevin Guest House in Donegal, the jumping-off point for our branch of the Young family, whom we'd come from the States to research. Over breakfast, we met a couple from Australia, Oliver and Tasma Lofton-Brook, who'd planned a genealogy-based getaway as a retirement gift to themselves. Tasma's ancestor Anne Lutton was a ground-breaking Methodist minister born in 1791, and one of the couple's early stops on their four-week trip was the town of Moira, the Lutton family seat. They'd parked at the Moira Methodist Church one morning when parishioners just happened to be cleaning up from an event. After the Lofton-Brooks introduced themselves, the workers stopped, grabbed Tasma by the arm, and ushered her inside to the plaque that had been hung in Anne Lutton's honor. Tasma didn't expect to be so emotional—"she came expecting nothing, that was the key," Oliver said—but she really broke down when the church ladies showed her the very Bible Anne had studied and signed. "They made me feel like some kind of celebrity," said Tasma, who had been invited back to worship and have tea and cookies with the congregation on the following Sunday. My mom and I may be new to genealogy, but even we know that it doesn't get much better than holding a piece of your history in your hands. See 26 stunning photos of Ireland Heritage travel is booming—an estimated 122,000 overseas visitors traced their roots in Ireland in 2009, the most recent year for which data is available—powered by shows such as NBC's Who Do You Think You Are? and the desire for travel experiences that combine history, nostalgia, and self-discovery. The demand is perhaps biggest on the Emerald Isle: One in nine Americans has an Irish heritage to explore, and baby boomers like President Obama—who downed a pint of Guinness in his great-great-great-grandfather's village of Moneygall last May—are leading the charge home. Ireland also recently released some of its only surviving census records from 1901 and 1911, giving amateur genealogists a strong starting point for an adventure that can be complicated by missing documents and misspelled family and city names. To dig for our family, we've booked a six-night "Discover Your Roots" tour through the Aer Lingus vacation store that includes a night at Dublin's five-star Shelbourne Hotel and an hour-long consultation with Helen Kelly, the world's only official Genealogy Butler. Thankfully, Helen is more Mary Poppins than arch-eyebrowed Jeeves. She got started as a professional genealogist after tracking her own family, and her eyes fill with tears when she tells us about meeting a 105-year-old woman who remembered how Helen's grandmother had once taken some children into a field, reached into her pockets filled with candies, and thrown handfuls in the air so the kids could hunt for the sweets in the grass. This is my idea of a Genealogy Butler: a woman who combines a left-brained expertise in analyzing records with the emotional intelligence to look beyond the facts for something more. "The magic starts when you get out into the landscape, walk the roads, and connect with the community that cradled your ancestors," she says. "You just can't get a sense of place online." As it happens, our Irish ancestry is fairly brief. The Youngs, my mother's family, blew into Ulster from Scotland in the 1600s and left for Massachusetts with the first Protestant migration in 1718, eventually establishing a dairy farm in the Berkshires that survives to this day. We've come to Helen armed with some information, courtesy of an unusually detailed Massachusetts gravestone carved by a stonecutter ancestor that reads: Here lies the interred remains of David Young, who was born in the parish of Tahbeyn, county of Donegal, and kingdom of Ireland. He departed this life, December 26, aged 94 years. (There's one glorious discovery: We've got awesome longevity genes.) Helen is ecstatic. "You're so lucky that they left you this legacy with dates on a gravestone," she says. "You're among the chosen few to get back to this early period." We've been trying to keep our expectations low, but, OK, I admit it: Secretly, I've been hoping for the kind of "this is it" epiphany that would make a reality television producer proud. Now I can't help wondering: Will we come across a long-lost cousin? Did anybody stay behind? Helen has prepared a dossier for my mom and me, and points us to the National Library, around the corner from the Shelbourne. There, we present our list to Francis Carroll, a dapper, joke-cracking librarian. A far cry from the crotchety bibliophiles I'm accustomed to back home, Francis floats between the genealogy center and the stunning upstairs reading room, where patrons turn pages beneath a 50-foot sky-lit aqua dome ceiling decorated with molding as elaborate as a wedding cake. He gives us a refresher course in the lost art of microfilm viewing and a tip: Printouts from the machines in the genealogy center cost 15 cents instead of the reading room's 75. Like I said, Francis is a peach. Our next stop, the National Archives, is located a few blocks away and has also been rejiggered in recent years to accommodate an increasing number of amateur genealogists. "Before, people were coming in and floundering in their research," says Paul Gorry, one of the experts on staff. So they created a room where researchers can consult with an expert like Paul for free. (The National Library offers the same service, which functions a bit like a meat counter: If it's crowded, you take a number and wait in line.) We find some Youngs in early tax records and in the Muster Rolls, a handwritten roster of able-bodied men and their weapons dating from 1630. The next morning, after a lavish complimentary breakfast that includes a small bottle of Jameson meant to give the oatmeal a kick, we set off for Donegal. In addition to a rental car, our package includes nightly vouchers for a network of 1,000 B&Bs, which can be booked in advance or by showing up and winging it, for those unsure of where their investigations will lead. I ride white-knuckled for the two-hour trip from Dublin to Galway as my mother gets the hang of our eco-friendly stop-start car, but eventually we start to relax and take in the fuzzy brown cows, riotous stands of hot-pink flowers, and signs for romantic real estate opportunities, including "4 acres and a derelict cottage." We redeem our first voucher in Donegal, where we meet Oliver and Tasma, then head out in the morning for some field work. Along with searching for our own family, I wanted to know what it feels like to push off from a homeland into the unknown, so I reserved spots on a two-hour, $25 cruise out to Slieve League, the highest sea cliffs in Europe. Out on the water, the sun is shining, the boat is bumping along the top of the current, and the whole thing's feeling very sporting, like a Kennedy's Cape Cod afternoon—except for one detail that pegs us to the motherland. The white dots scattered across the sides of the precipitous peaks like cupcake toppers are, in fact, sheep grazing at an 80-degree angle. "We breed our sheep with Velcro," says Paddy Byrne, the boat's skipper, "and to have their right legs shorter than their left." Just across the border in Omagh, Northern Ireland, the Ulster American Folk Park offers a less carefree perspective: a first-hand experience of rural life in Ireland and what it felt like to cross the Atlantic and arrive in the U.S. without cash, connections-or the faintest idea of how to cook corn, beans, and squash. A living history museum dedicated entirely to the topic of Irish-American immigration, the park is tailor-made for genealogists, with its lively historical interpreters, a life-size passenger ship where whole families would cram into a single wooden bunk for the 10-to-12-week voyage, and the specialized library at the on-site Centre for Migration Studies. We spend the better part of an afternoon on the park's wooded paths and touring cozy 18th- and 19th-century cottages. It's one thing to study records and gravestones, but it's much more transporting to sit in front of a turf fire in a thatched roof hut from the 1700s. After the instant gratification of the Folk Park, traipsing around graveyards in County Donegal for the next few days is almost a letdown. My mom and I visit the parish listed on the gravestone, but neither of us feels chills. We do make friends along the way with a Presbyterian church clerk—himself a distant relative of our 15th president, James Buchanan—who welcomes us into his home and lets us page through the beautifully bound marriage registers with marbled endpapers that he's been entrusted with. (As pub-hopping tourists, we never would have crossed paths.) Over Irish coffees to raise our spirits (so to speak), my mom suggests we swing by another parish we came across in our research. Less than a quarter-mile from our destination, she stops to ask a farmer for directions and comes back to the car beaming. We've reached an area called Five Roads Ends. My mother grew up near a five-corner intersection in South Williamstown, Mass., that locals called Five Corners. Coincidence or synchronicity—my mother swears the farmer called this place Five Corners as well—we've found our connection across 300 years. My mother looks around, giddy, and when we arrive at the church she peers into the windows like Nancy Drew. "This is it—they re-created what they had here in the New World," she says. In fact, this area really does look like the Berkshires, with purple mountains, rolling fields, and big, old trees—whereas most of the Irish countryside we've seen has been cleared for pasture. We may not have found any living relatives, but we've found what we were looking for—a bridge to our past. "I'm really glad we came here," she says, hugging me, "because there were moments when I thought this might be a bunch of crap." I laugh. Sure, finding a patch of earth that we feel connected to has strengthened our ties to Ireland—but also to each other.