Road Trip Through the Florida Keys

By Shax Riegler
November 9, 2006
Key West Beach in Florida
Typhoonski/Dreamstime
The most dramatic drive on the East Coast, from party-hearty Key West up to the Everglades.

Fort Myers Beach to Key West

Two years ago my parents began participating in the migratory patterns typical of many northerners, making seasonal peregrinations between Canton, Ohio, and Naples, Fla. During visits south, as I drove past one gated community after another, I often wondered where I might find more of the colorful Florida that occasionally peeks out from behind the condos. So I proposed a road trip to another part of their adopted state: the Keys.

We start not in a car, but in a boat—Key West Express operates a high-speed catamaran service from Fort Myers Beach. A short walk beyond the Key West Ferry Terminal brings us to Mallory Square, a wide plaza at the foot of Duval Street, Key West's main road. Lined with Victorian mansions and late-19th-century commercial buildings, Duval is a picturesque thoroughfare pocked with rocking-loud bars. In a shop window, I notice a T-shirt emblazoned with THE LIVER IS EVIL. IT MUST BE PUNISHED, which seems to sum up many visitors' philosophy.

A quieter side of Key West is immediately apparent when we turn onto Petronia Street, heading into the Bahama Village neighborhood. At Blue Heaven Restaurant, in a courtyard that was the scene of boxing matches during the Depression, tables sit under a canopy of trees, a balmy breeze stirring their leaves, and at least a half dozen of Key West's free-roaming chickens scratch around for crumbs. (More on them later.) The special is a lobster melt—yes, it's like a fancy tuna melt—and it sounds too good to pass up. A beer for both my dad and me and a margarita for Mom also seem appropriate. When in Rome...

Walking off lunch, we stumble upon the Kino Sandals Factory, founded by two Cuban refugees in 1966. It feels like old Havana. Ceiling fans churn languidly while men and women hunch over workbenches making stylish leather sandals, none of which cost more than $13 a pair.

There's just time to catch the last tour at The Little White House, an 1890 house on Key West's former naval base. Harry Truman vacationed there 11 times during his presidency. Our guide, a real Truman buff, leaves us all but humming "The Star-Spangled Banner," feeling immense pride in a country in which a plain-spoken haberdasher from Missouri could become thepresident.

Evening is settling in as the crowds wander toward Sunset Celebration at Mallory Square, a daily event since the '60s. We grab a margarita from a stand and wander among the crowds and street performers. The sunset takes 20 minutes, and then we head back to our hotel for a swim. The Chelsea House, our B&B, is in a converted Victorian house surrounded by a garden that makes it feel private and tranquil, though it's just a stone's throw from Duval Street.

We have dinner at B.O.'s Fish Wagon, an old truck and a shack in a corner of a parking lot in the historic seaport section of town. The fish sandwiches, on Cuban bread with key lime sauce, are legendary for a reason. Afterward, we look at the boats, decorated with Christmas lights for the annual parade and competition.

Key West to Marathon

Breakfast at the B&B is basic—coffee, pastries, and fruit—so we head to the French-inspired Banana Cafe for omelets and cafés au lait. The restaurant has taken over the ground floor of a yellow house done up, like most buildings in Key West, with gingerbread woodwork. Tables spill out of French doors onto a wide porch. From ours, I spot a sign for The Chicken Store on a semi-decrepit shotgun cottage.

Approximately 2,000 feral chickens meander around the island, descendants of birds brought by the first settlers in the early 1800s. The store, which raises rescue money by selling T-shirts and artwork celebrating the chickens, was established "to smooth the sometimes-rough relations between man and bird in Key West." It's also a sanctuary where ailing chickens recuperate in relatively posh surroundings. I'm glad I'm not wearing sandals, since some of them like to peck toes. The store even ships the birds anywhere in the country as a "living souvenir." (It's also since moved to Homestead). 

From there we move on to the Hemingway Home and Museum, where the writer lived with his second wife, Pauline, and their two sons from 1931 to 1940. A grizzled guide, who could have been one of Papa's drinking buddies down at Sloppy Joe's, points out Pauline's pretentious chandeliers (the one-time Vogue writer insisted on replacing the more practical ceiling fans) and the town's first inground swimming pool. It's said that Hemingway was given a six-toed cat—often called "mitten cats"—by a friend who was a ship captain; 46 cats, most of which are its descendants, live on the grounds today. As the writer quipped, "One cat just leads to another."

My mother, who loves to see butterflies in her garden, wants to check out The Key West Butterfly & Nature Conservatory. I've never experienced a live butterfly exhibit before, and I can totally identify with the screaming child across the room. My mom makes us sit on a bench, where a trio of iridescent blues flirts with her pink blouse. Her calm demeanor helps me relax. Soon, I'm equally amazed at the sight of so many elusive, fluttering beauties.

Route 1, the Overseas Highway, is a sight in itself. In the 1880s, Henry Flagler, an original partner in Standard Oil, began developing resorts along Florida's east coast. He also started buying up and connecting the state's railroad lines. St. Augustine, Palm Beach, and Miami all owe their development to Flagler's efforts. Between 1905 and 1912, Flagler constructed the Over-Sea Railroad, 156 miles of track—much of it on trestles over open water—that linked Miami and Key West. When the first train rolled into town in 1912, it was greeted by 15,000 townspeople.

Unfortunately, a fierce hurricane ripped through the Keys in 1935; an 18-foot tidal wave and 200-mile-per-hour winds washed out the embankment and mangled tracks, but the bridges and trestles stood. In 1938, the federal government took over the route and built the Overseas Highway. Route 1 is the main (and often only) road on the narrow strips of land that are the various keys. Mile-marker signs, which start counting from zero in Key West, are used as locators for addresses along the highway.

The National Key Deer Refuge Visitors Center, inside the Big Pine Key Plaza, is just north of mile marker 30.2. The endangered Key deer, a small-statured subspecies of white-tailed deer, live primarily on Big Pine Key and the adjacent No Name Key. Because the herd is so small-—only about 700—we assume the taxidermic specimens in the visitors center might be our best chance of actually seeing one. But a volunteer directs us to drive a few miles past the shopping center. About three miles along on Key Deer Boulevard, a couple of deer stroll out of the trees. Visitors aren't supposed to feed them, but these two appear to expect a snack. (We don't give in.)

Rounding a bend on Big Pine Key, we happen upon the No Name Pub, celebrated for being out of the way since 1936. The main appeal is the thousands of dollar bills on every wall. They even hang from the ceiling and rustle in the breeze. It strikes me as potentially unsanitary, but the grouper sandwiches, even at $10.50, are delicious, particularly with a cold Corona.

The marvelous Seven Mile Bridge runs between mile markers 40 and 47. Until 1982, the bridge ran on the piers originally built for Flagler; those remains stand alongside the new bridge.

In Marathon, the White Sands Inn is basic, but the rooms are decor-ated with sunny primary colors and Caribbean-inspired fabrics. Like most places in this part of the Keys, it caters to folks on fishing trips. As I set down my bags, I see a card bearing the rule: DO NOT CLEAN FISH OR LOBSTER IN THE ROOMS. I make a note to tell my parents.

Marathon to Key Largo

The waitresses at theSeven Mile Grilllook like they could have been extras on Alice, and the walls are covered with sassy signs (such as UNATTENDED CHILDREN WILL BE SOLD AS SLAVES). Eggs come with biscuits and a side of grits—suitably hearty fare for our mangrove tour with Marathon Kayak.

After about 20 minutes, our small group turns out of the harbor and heads single file into the mangroves, through an opening I wouldn't have noticed. The gnarled branches reach across the water trail, forming natural bridges that tiny crabs scurry along. The easygoing guide, Calem, points out the marine life we're gracefully gliding over, and egrets and blue herons in the trees. He says that he often spots manatees, but we don't see any.

Later that afternoon in Key Largo, about an hour north, the sky turns overcast, so we read and rest in our rooms at the friendly bungalows that make up the Coconut Bay Resort. Down the road at Snapper's, a buzzing joint with a deck overlooking the ocean, the grilled catch of the day (grouper) proves that the fresher the fish is, the less you have to do to it. From our table, we watch a school of tarpon in the shallow water. Fearing that key lime pie wouldn't live up to the hype, I avoided ordering it for the past three days. This one is so good, however—with a crisp graham-cracker crust, creamy filling with just enough tartness, and fresh whipped cream—that I regret neglecting it until now.

Key Largo to Naples

The coral reef that extends all along the Keys is the third largest in the world, and John Pennekamp Coral Reef State Park, established in 1963, is the first undersea park in the U.S. It covers 70 square miles of coral reefs, sea grass beds, and mangrove swamps. We catch the 9:15 A.M. glass-bottom-boat tour. I have visions of a rickety wooden boat with a hole in the center, but the Spirit of Pennekamp is a catamaran with two large openings in the hull that resemble upside-down greenhouses. The view 30 feet down is spectacular. The reef teems with life: A guide identifies so many colorful species passing by the window that we can't keep up.

Our path home, Route 41 (a.k.a. the old Tamiami Trail) takes us through the Everglades, a haunting, brackish backwater. Gullies along each side of the two-lane road teem with alligators and waterfowl, especially lots of great blue herons, spoonbills, and snowy egrets. At the Oasis Visitor Center, a boardwalk allows for an up close look at fierce-looking gators sunning themselves.

The landscape becomes more modernized the closer we get to Naples. "The flat plainness of Florida doesn't impose itself on you," wrote Susan Orlean in The Orchid Thief, "so you can impose upon it your own kind of dream." What else have we been doing but visiting sites wrestled from nature by people with dreams both big (Flagler's Over-Sea Railroad) and modest?

Over the last few days I've spotted a book, Quit Your Job and Move to Key West, in shops, gas stations, and even at a Walgreens' checkout. There are a lot of people still eager to buy into the Florida dream.

Finding your way

Street addresses along Route 1 can help you know where you're headed. With a few exceptions in Key West and Marathon, addresses that end in even numbers are ocean-side; odd indicates bay-side. To figure out the corresponding mile marker, drop the last two digits and move the decimal one place to the left. For example, 57622 Overseas Highway would be located ocean-side at mile marker 57.6. (This applies to five- and six-digit addresses only.) Also, to find other guesthouses in Key West, visit historickeywestinns.com.

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Movie Quest!

10. THE ILLUSIONIST Eisenheim (Edward Norton) falls for a duchess (Jessica Biel) and uses magic--and his wits--to thwart Crown Prince Leopold (Rufus Sewell). Set in Austria in 1900, The Illusionist was shot in the Czech Republic. 'The best Vienna is Prague,' says location manager Jaroslav Vaculik. Magic Castle Eisenheim wows with a trick inspired by King Arthur at Dobris Chateau (011-420/318-521-240, semova@zamekdobris.cz, by appointment, $8). From Prague's Andel station, take a bus toward Príbram. The Hunting Lodge The royal hunting lodge is Konopiste, in Benesov. The train ride from Prague's Hlavni Nadrazi station, toward Tabor (get off at Benesov) is an hour long (011-420/317-721-366, zamek-konopiste.cz, tours $8-$14, closed Mondays, open April to November). Childhood Home Eisenheim grew up in Cesky Krumlov. From Hlavni Nadrazi in Prague, take the train to Ceske Budejovice, switch for a train to Cesky Krumlov; the trip requires four hours total. 9. SKETCHES OF FRANK GEHRY Sydney Pollack's documentary delves into the mind and architecture of friend Frank Gehry. "I'm not sophisticated about architecture, so I don't look at it intellectually," says Pollack. "The buildings I get speak to me on an emotional level." Here are his three favorite Gehry buildings: Guggenheim Bilbao The famous art museum, in northern Spain, "made all kinds of music in my head," says Pollack (011-34/94-435-90-80, guggenheim.com, $13, closed Mondays). Marqués de Riscal Winery and Hotel Gehry's hotel in the Rioja wine country, 68 miles southwest of Bilbao, opened in October. Rooms start at $380 a night, but a 90-minute vineyard tour is $8 (011-34/945-18-08-80, marquesderiscal.com). Vitra Design Museum "Vitra was the last building Frank did before discovering the computer," says Pollack. "He was playing with the same shapes that he later was able to have breakthroughs with." It's in Weil am Rhein, Germany, a 15-minute ride on bus #55 from Basel, Switzerland; the bus stops right outside (011-49/7621-702-3200, design-museum.de, $10). 8. THE DA VINCI CODE Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks) gets called to the Louvre, where he meets cryptologist Sophie Neveu (Audrey Tautou); they're soon on a hunt for the Holy Grail. The adaptation of Dan Brown's bestseller was shot in England, Scotland, Malta, and France. Smart Driving Langdon and Neveu flee the Louvre in a Smart car and halt before the U.S. Embassy at Place de la Concorde. Rent your own Smart from Avis at Charles de Gaulle airport or Parking Saint Sulpice in the 6th arrondissement (800/698-5674, avis.com, from $667 for five days). Wrong Turn At Temple Church off London's Fleet Street, built by the Knights Templar, Langdon and Neveu find effigies--as well as some unwelcome company. The Master of the Temple gives free talks on his Da Vinci-related book on select Fridays (011-44/20-7353-3470, templechurch.com, $7.50). The Reunion Rosslyn Chapel, where Langdon and Neveu part ways, is in the countryside seven miles south of Edinburgh. Appropriately enough, enigmatic Masonic and Rosicrucian carvings cover every cranny of the 15th-century structure. The chapel is open daily and holds Episcopalian services on Sundays (011-44/131-440-2159, rosslynchapel.org.uk, $13). 7. THE HOLIDAY Unlucky in love, two women--Amanda (Cameron Diaz) and Iris (Kate Winslet)--swap houses for a fortnight. Their luck changes. (To be released December 8.) House Swapping The website where the characters meet, HomeExchange.com, has more than 12,000 listings the world over. Two more companies worth a look are Intervac.com and HomeLink.org. The British Home Iris's cottage is in Shere, 45 minutes southwest of London. In the film, Shere is portrayed by two villages, Shere and nearby Godalming. National Rail offers daily service from Waterloo Station to Guildford, 15 minutes from Shere by taxi (011-44/8457-484950, nationalrail.co.uk, $19 round trip). The Holiday's production designer, Jon Hutman, recommends two spots in Shere: The Lucky Duck Tea Room for breakfast (011-44/1483-202445) and The White Horse Inn for dinner (011-44/1483-202518). The American Home Amanda is said to live in Brentwood, in west L.A., but the house is in San Marino. Iris dines well in California, at Chaya Venice (110 Navy St., Venice, 310/396-1179) and The Grill on the Alley (9560 Dayton Way, Beverly Hills, 310/276-0615). 6. THE PAINTED VEIL Based on the 1925 novel by W. Somerset Maugham, The Painted Veil follows an unhappy English couple, Walter (Edward Norton) and Kitty Fane (Naomi Watts), as they navigate life in cholera-ridden China. (To be released December 15.) A Beautiful Beginning The craggy mountains in the opening scenes are unique to the northeastern quarter of Guangxi, a region in southern China. Location scout Aaron Shershow says that the best way to explore the area is with a guide and a car from the city of Guilin, which starts at $80 per day. The Village Huangyao, also in Guangxi, is "the best-preserved town I've seen in China," says Shershow. The Fanes travel there by sedan chair, but these days you'd hire a car and driver/guide out of Yangshuo (four hours, $240 round trip), or Guilin (six hours, $320). Local Lodging Hotels in Huangyao are extremely basic and cost $10 per night. Before the crew arrived, an Australian decorator fixed up rooms in Jiajia Hotel (011-86/774-6722-833) and Jialong Hotel (011-86/774-6722-816). Shershow also recommends one called Guo Mansion (011-86/774-6722-041). None have English-speaking staff. 5. MISS POTTER Known for Peter Rabbit and other characters, British author Beatrix Potter (Renée Zellweger) had a life far more complex than her books let on. (Limited release December 29.) Lake District Much of Miss Potter was shot in the Lake District, in northwest England, where Potter lived as an adult; she bequeathed more than 4,000 acres to the National Trust. The stars stayed at Holbeck Ghyll hotel in Windermere (011-44/15394-32375, holbeckghyll.com, from $353). Other hotels used by the crew include Ambleside Lodge (011-44/15394-31681, ambleside-lodge.com, from $130) and The Langdale Estate (011-44/15394-37302, langdale.co.uk, from $167). Beatrix Potter's Farms Potter's primary residence, Hill Top Farm, is part of the National Trust (011-44/15394-36269, nationaltrust.org.uk, $9.50). But executive producer Nigel Wooll says that another of her properties, Yew Tree Farm, made for a better location. It's a sheep and cattle farm, as well as a B&B (011-44/15394-41433, yewtree-farm.com, from $97). More Potter Spots For a rundown of other Potter-related attractions in the Lake District, check out the guide put together by VisitBritain (visitbritain.com/misspotter). 4. A GOOD YEAR When he inherits his uncle's Provençal vineyard, financier Max Skinner (Russell Crowe) goes to visit. Like many Brits who head south in the movies, he learns to re-prioritize. The Vineyard The film was shot primarily at Château La Canorgue, a vineyard in Bonnieux (011-33/4-90-75-81-01, open for tastings year-round). Location supervisor Marco Giacalone says it has "the best rosé in France." A Long Drive Skinner gets lost while driving a Smart car (see The Da Vinci Code, above, for rental info in Paris; the cars are available from Europcar at Marseille's airport, seven days $650). In reality, the roads are well marked, and the drive to Bonnieux from Marseille's airport shouldn't take longer than an hour. First Kiss Skinner and Fanny Chenal (Marion Cotillard) share their first kiss in Cucuron, a medieval village located at the foot of the Grand Luberon Massif. Cucuron is 20 minutes southeast of Bonnieux. 3. RUSSIAN DOLLS The sequel to L'Auberge Espagnole, a 2002 movie about young expats in Barcelona, takes place in Paris, London, and St. Petersburg; it offers a more realistic, everyday Europe than we usually see in films. The Perfect Street In St. Petersburg, Xavier (Romain Duris) muses about perfection on "the street of ideal proportions:" Rossi Street, 220 meters long and 22 meters wide, and lined by buildings 22 meters high. It's directly behind the Alexandrinsky Theater; the nearest metro station is Nevsky Prospekt/Gostiny Dvor. Eurostar The scenes where Xavier bops between Paris and London were filmed on the Eurostar train. The trip takes about three hours and starts at $75 one way (eurostar.com). The English Pub Xavier and Wendy (Kelly Reilly) hang out at the Sir Richard Steele Pub in northwest London. "It's known for having a musician's heritage," says assistant producer Lee Thomas. The pub is two minutes from the Chalk Farm Tube station, and 10 minutes from the Belsize Park station (97 Haverstock Hill, 011-44/20-7483-1261). 2. PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) returns to the Caribbean for more swashbuckling. The DVD comes out December 5. Royal Treatment The Port Royal scenes were shot at Wallilabou Bay, on St. Vincent, where you can explore what's left of the set, including the 17th-century-style village. "We traveled by boat because it was faster than taking the little roads," says production supervisor Tom Hayslip. Village of the Damned The cannibal village was in Soufrière on Dominica. Other featured spots are Titou Gorge, Hampstead Beach, Pagua River, and Londonderry Bay. Jungle Trekking Adventures and Safaris runs a full-day "Trailing the Pirates' Treasures" tour (767/440-5827, experiencescaribbean.com, $110, $55 for kids under 12, includes lunch). The Beaches The Exumas were used for their beaches and Grand Bahama Island for its water. Fantastic Powerboat Adventures has day-long tours from Nassau to the Exumas (powerboatadventures.com, $190, $120 per child). On Grand Bahama, the crew stayed at the Sheraton Grand Bahama Island Our Lucaya (866/716-8106, ourlucaya.com, from $129). 1. MARIE ANTOINETTE In Sofia Coppola's biopic, the last queen of France (Kirsten Dunst) is a bored teenager trapped in the etiquette of the royal palace of Versailles, who entertains herself with exquisite clothes and hairstyles. Versailles One-day passes to all of Versailles, including several audio guides, begin at $20 (chateauversailles.fr, closed Mondays). Skip the lines by buying tickets in advance at Fnac record stores throughout France (fnacspectacles.com), or by using a combo round-trip train ticket and one-day pass sold at Paris-area SNCF train stations or the Carrousel du Louvre, from $26.50. Masked Ball The wild party in Paris that Marie Antoinette and Louis XVI (Jason Schwartzman) attend occurs on the grand marble staircase and lobby of the Palais Garnier, home to the Opera National (011-33/1-72-29-35-35, operadeparis.fr). The Birthday Party The scene in which the queen gambles all night was shot at the Hotel de Soubise in Paris, a museum for the history of France and the National Archives (60 rue des Francs-Bourgeois, 011-33/1-40-27-60-96, closed Tuesdays). Admission is free, except during temporary exhibitions--such as one of Marie Antoinette's letters and mementos, until January 8--when it costs $4. Eye Candy The film's palette was influenced by the macaroons from Ladurée (locations in Paris, London, and Geneva, laduree.com).

25 Reasons We Love San Antonio

1. Recycling with a twist The bartenders at La Tuna Ice House toss bottle caps into a metal box located behind the counter and then dump the contents into the outdoor seating area every night. Some caps are rusted orange--La Tuna celebrates its 15th anniversary next year--while others still flash their logos. Drinks are ordered inside a corrugated-aluminum shack (pictured) and then taken out to picnic tables beneath shady pecan trees. A fire pit made from a warped manhole cover keeps customers warm on chilly winter nights. 100 Probandt St., 210/224-8862, beer $1.50. 2. Rosy parades In San Antonio, July Fourth and Texas Independence Day on March 2 have nothing on Fiesta, an annual 10-day festival in April. More than 350,000 people attend the Battle of Flowers Parade, which started in 1891 with women tossing blooms at each other in honor of General Sam Houston's victory over the Mexican army at the Battle of San Jacinto on April 21, 1836. April 20-29, 2007; 877/723-4378, fiesta-sa.org, parade tickets $8. 3. Tacos for breakfast Many locals jump-start their day with a strong cup of coffee and two soft flour tacos--often with salty chorizo and fried potatoes in one, and mashed pinto beans with melted cheddar in the other. You can't drive a block without passing a taqueria, but aficionados head straight to Taco Haven, where a THIS IS TACO COUNTRY sign is painted near the door. 1032 S. Presa St., 210/533-2171, from 99¢. 4. On the shopping block La Villita is a charming two-block stretch of adobe and wood buildings that made up the city's first neighborhood, settled by Spanish soldiers and Native Americans at the end of the 18th century. On weekends, couples dance in the public squares, then explore shops like Mustang Grey's, which is stocked with cowboy hats and belt buckles. 303 S. Alamo St., 210/222-1894, buckles from $12. 5. Boots made for gawking The world's largest pair of cowboy boots stand in the parking lot of the North Star Mall, not far from the airport. Made of concrete, they're 40 feet tall, 20 feet long, and 35 feet wide--and even though they've been there for nearly 30 years, no one seems to know exactly why. 7400 San Pedro Ave., 210/342-2325, northstarmall.com. 6. Films alfresco One of the city's best-kept secrets is the Mission Drive-In Theatre, where teenagers sprawl on the hoods of their cars to watch the double feature. Bats occasionally flit across the screen, and once an hour, the actors' lines have to compete with the bells tolling at the nearby Mission San José. 3100 Roosevelt Ave., 210/496-2221, santikos.com, $7. 7. Heady drinks Schilo's Delicatessen opened in 1917 selling schnitzels, split pea soup, and the only kind of beer that was legal during Prohibition. Although the famous root beer isn't made on-site anymore, it's still served in a frosted mug with a two-inch head (the secret is egg whites). Best of all, every order comes with a free refill. 424 E. Commerce St., 210/223-6692, root beer $1.35. 8. Hotel with history The Riverwalk Vista Inn is housed in the top two floors of a converted 1883 warehouse. Chock-full of original architectural details--including pine floors, brick walls, and high ceilings--each guest room is named for the landmarks visible from the 4-by-10-foot windows. 262 Losoya St., 866/898-4782, riverwalkvista.com, from $110. 9. Remember the Cottonwood! Inside the Alamo's cool, dimly lit stone church--the site of hand-to-hand combat during a 13-day siege in the spring of 1836--glass cases hold personal effects of the men who died there, including Davy Crockett's buckskin vest. Docents give trivia-filled lectures twice an hour. Few visitors realize, for example, that Spanish soldiers stationed at the Mission San Antonio de Valero in the early 1800s nicknamed it Alamo, or cottonwood, for the trees that grew in abundance nearby. 300 Alamo Plaza, 210/225-1391, thealamo.org, free. 10. Meet and greet (and eat) Linda Pace, of the Pace salsa family, opened Artpace in a former Hudson automobile showroom in 1995. Every year, the gallery accepts nine artists into a two-month residency program. Each session begins with a potluck dinner, open to all, to introduce the newcomers to the public, and ends with exhibitions of work the artists completed during their stay. 445 N. Main Ave., 210/212-4900, artpace.org. 11. Flour power Carl Hilmar Guenther moved his Pioneer Flour Mills from Fredericksburg, Texas, to San Antonio in 1859, lured by the reliable waterpower provided by the river. Today it's the oldest family-owned and operated mill in the country. The Guenthers' former home--on the same property--has been turned into a restaurant. Naturally, all the buttermilk pancakes and gravy-covered biscuits are made with Pioneer flour. 205 E. Guenther St., 210/227-1061, guentherhouse.com, biscuits $4. 12. Teddy bar When Spain declared war on the U.S. in April 1898, Theodore Roosevelt quit his job as Assistant Secretary of the Navy and cofounded the 1st U.S. Volunteer Cavalry regiment, a.k.a. the Rough Riders. Roosevelt, who hardly drank, hung out at the Menger Hotel bar, where he attempted to recruit cowboys and Texas Rangers to join his charge up the San Juan Heights in Cuba. The Menger seems little changed today, save for a display case of Rough Rider uniforms by the front door and a portrait of Teddy that hangs over the bar. 204 Alamo Plaza, 210/223-4361, cocktails $5. 13. Craft class The Southwest School of Art & Craft began offering classes in 1971 at what was once San Antonio's first school for girls. An old dormitory became retail space for handicrafts from across the country, including wall hangings made from old traffic signs and riveted silver jewelry, and the dorm cafeteria is now a café. When asked why the building's clock tower was built without a face on its north side, docent Joan Kay laughs. "Some say that since there was nobody living in that direction but the damn Yankees, why would we give them the time of day?" 300 Augusta St., 210/224-1848, swschool.org. 14. Getting piggy with it Headquartered in San Antonio, the Pig Stand chain of diners boasts both the world's first drive-in restaurant (1921) and drive-through window (1928). Neither of San Antonio's two Pig Stands employs carhops anymore, but that doesn't stop classic car owners from congregating at the Broadway Street location on Friday nights. They talk horsepower over Pig Stand's signature sandwich--slices of barbecued pork, crunchy pickle relish, and a sweet tomato "secret sauce" on a soft bun. 1508 Broadway St., 210/222-2794, sandwich $5. 15. Complex art The Blue Star Arts Complex combines 25 studios and galleries, a theater company, and a community youth arts organization in 137,000 square feet of former railroad warehouses. On the first Friday of every month, businesses in the complex and along South Alamo Street host an Art Walk late into the night. 1414 S. Alamo St., bluestarcomplex.com. 16. The river mild San Antonio's biggest draw these days isn't the Alamo, but rather River Walk. Stone steps lead from street level down to the footpaths, gardens, and restaurant patios that line the banks of the San Antonio River, where tour barges float lazily along a two-and-a-half-mile stretch of water. Now imitated all over the world, River Walk almost didn't exist. The city tried twice to pave over the river in order to control flooding, but community organizations fought back. In 1939, the Works Projects Administration stepped in and built River Walk according to the designs of local architect Robert H. H. Hugman, who had fond memories of fishing the river as a child. Rio San Antonio Cruises, 800/417-4139, riosanantonio.com, $6.50. 17. Mi Tierra es su tierra The Cortez family opened Mi Tierra Café y Panadería in 1941 based on the principle that more is better when it comes to decorating (think piñatas, Christmas lights, and metallic streamers) and portion size (margaritas are sold by the liter, and the pork tacos del mercado are nestled alongside mountains of beans and rice). Reservations are recommended on weekends, though there are certainly worse places to bide one's time than at the ornately carved oak bar. 218 Produce Row, 210/225-1262, tacos del mercado $9. 18. Mission statement The Alamo is just one of five missions built by Spanish Franciscan monks in San Antonio; the other four extend south along the eight-mile Mission Trail. A visitors center adjacent to Mission San José includes a film detailing the monks' brutal treatment of the Native Americans they converted and then virtually enslaved. Descendants of the Native Americans still live in the area. 6701 San José Dr., nps.gov/saan, free. 19. ¡Mexicanarama! Market Square, three blocks of stores and pedestrian-only streets just west of downtown, is the best place to go for fun Mexican kitsch like piñatas and sombreros. (The border is only 150 miles away.) 20. Walking on water Despite the more than 40 miles of hiking and biking trails in the Government Canyon State Natural Area, the park's main purpose isn't recreational. Instead, it was created to protect and replenish the city's primary water supply, the Edwards Aquifer, which is located directly below the wooded canyon. 12861 Galm Rd., 210/688-9055, tpwd.state.tx.us, $6. 21. It's not the wine The Liberty Bar restaurant has a bit of a fun-house quality to it: Floors, ceilings, and window frames have sloped in different directions ever since the building's foundation shifted during a 1921 flood. But, as a neon sign outside advertises (it reads SERIOUS FOOD), the menu is no laughing matter. Chef Oscar Trejo is considered one of the city's finest. Bread is baked daily on the premises, and specials may include mesquite-grilled duck breast. On Monday nights, bottles of wine over $50 are half-off with dinner. 328 E. Josephine St., 210/227-1187, entrées from $6. 22. Toilet humor The world's only toilet-seat museum is in Alamo Heights, a 10-minute drive north of downtown. Barney Smith, the charming 85-year-old owner, uses a dentist's drill to carve designs in wooden toilet seat covers. "I'm a master plumber," he likes to say. "When I retired, I figured I should stay in the business." Smith greets visitors in his driveway and then gives them a tour of his one-car garage, which holds examples of his work. 239 Abiso Ave., 210/824-7791, by appointment, free. 23. Chihuly next to Chaucer The Central Library doubles as a museum for public art. Neon installations by Stephen Antonakos diffuse blue light in the entryway; a nightscape of San Antonio in the '40s by local painter Jesse Treviño covers a lobby wall; and a glass sculpture by Dale Chihuly graces the second floor. 600 Soledad St., 210/207-2500. 24. Getting on base San Antonio is known as Military City because there are four military bases within a 20-mile radius of downtown. Randolph Air Force Base and the Army's Fort Sam Houston are national historic landmarks and open to the public. The best view of Randolph's sprawling grounds is from the top of an ornate, white-turreted water tower called the Taj Mahal. Jets often scream overhead in formation. Fort Sam, meanwhile, is home to the Army Medical Department Museum, with exhibits on the evolution of military medicine from 1775 onward. Randolph AFB, 210/652-4410, randolph.af.mil, by appointment, free. Fort Sam Houston, 210/221-6358, ameddmuseumfoundation.org, free. 25. Old yellers When musicians play on the Mariachi Stage in Market Square on weekends, singers are guaranteed to throw a few gritos. Somewhere between a yodel, a cry, and a laugh, the grito is an integral part of conjunto, a common type of music in Texas that mixes Mexican ranch songs with the oompa-oompa accordion of polka. 514 W. Commerce St., 210/207-8600, free.

How the Renting Process Works

Comparing apartments can seem impossible. One agency might provide floor plans, dozens of photos, and square footages. Another might have only a description like "Lovely two-bedroom apartment near San Marco; from  ¿200." Some agencies use star ratings, but there's no correlation to hotel ratings or other agency ratings. Do your homework to make sure the unit meets your expectations. BOOKING: Getting what you pay for Week-long rentals are typical, though some apartments are available for two or three nights at a time, especially in the off-season. Peak season is roughly April to June, September to October, and during Carnevale, which falls in January or February. Advanced reservations are essential. For high season, it's best to book several months, or even a full year, ahead. Every owner bends the rules sometimes, so even if a website states that an apartment only rents by the week or longer, or that rates are completely nonnegotiable, it never hurts to inquire about flexibility. Small agencies and owners who rent one or two apartments are particularly likely to bargain during slower periods. Bait and switch is pervasive when booking through an agency--whether intentional or because online databases aren't updated to reflect actual availability. Double-check that the apartment you want is the apartment you're getting. If the agency offers an alternative, make sure it's up to snuff and reasonably priced. PAYING: Deposits and cancellations A deposit (or caparra) will usually be necessary to hold your reservation. The amount varies: It might be the equivalent of one night's stay; it might be 30 to 50 percent of the total; it might be something totally different. The balance is due 6 to 20 days prior to arrival. Bank wire transfers are required to rent some apartments, particularly direct-from-owner units. Banks in the U.S. charge $30--$50 for a transfer, and it'll take three to five business days to process. Taxes, utilities, and an initial and final cleaning fee are frequently included in the quoted price, but that's not always the case, so ask. If the apartment has a phone, inquire whether local calls cost extra. Expect to pay a deposit against potential damages, either through a hold on your credit card or in cash to the person who gives you the keys. The money will be refunded when you check out. Cancellation policies vary, with refunds given on a sliding scale, meaning less money is returned the later that you cancel. The deposit is rarely refundable, though you may be able to get some of the money back if you cancel far in advance. ARRIVING: Who will give you the key? A representative will meet you at the vaporetto (public water bus) stop nearest the apartment at a prearranged time. He or she will lead you to the flat, show you the ropes (which keys fit which locks, location of the fuse box), point out nearby markets and cafés, and provide a local number to call if you have questions. Most kitchens come fully equipped, but double-check that this is the case if you plan on cooking. Before heading to the market, look in the cabinets. There are often some cooking staples (salt, sugar, pasta, olive oil) left by former guests. Towels and linens are typically provided, but bring your own soap, shampoo, and toiletries; this is not a hotel. Maid service is rare, though a few rentals offer cleaning every three days or so. Remember: You're living like a Venetian, which includes taking out the trash and recycling. Your host will provide a schedule.