10 Things Europeans Say About You Behind Your Back
1. WE HAVE TERRIBLE FAKE ACCENTS
Ouch. Turns out that posh James Bond imitation you think you've mastered sounds like the squeak of chalk on a blackboard to a Brit. And chances are, even as you read this, you believe you are the exception to this rule—that your Daniel Craig could fool a native? No. Stop. Please.
2. WE LIKE SMILING
Boy, those French are unfriendly, huh? Guess again. They're just more physically reserved than you are, and that goes for facial expressions, too. A Parisian, especially when addressing a stranger, will rarely smile, and this is often misinterpreted by American as that legendary (and largely mythical) French rudeness. We, on the other hand, have been taught to approach new people, even total strangers, with our pearly whites bared. Down, Sparky. It just weirds them out.
3. WE HAVE BARBARIC EATING HABITS
From way up in Scandinavia all the way down to Sicily, Europeans seem to be united in the opinion that Americans don't know how to enjoy a meal. Yep. Shocking as it may seem, the country that invented "fast food" and the "power lunch" puzzles its neighbors across the pond when it comes to table manners. Apparently, we start eating before it's considered polite, we don't stop to talk enough, and we perhaps miss the entire point of chowing down in the presence of other human beings. Wherever you may be visiting (but especially southern Europe), if you sit down to eat with locals, we suggest that you just quietly tell yourself, "Slow down."
4. WE ARE BAD DRINKERS
Ok, in fairness to my American brethren, it's true that in some corners of Europe it is common to outdrink Americans at a truly magnificent pace. But overall, the European approach to beer, wine, and spirits is similar to their approach to a nice meal: What's the rush? It's perfectly acceptable to savor a two-hour lunch that includes a few goblets of wine. But binge-drinking is considered a weakness, especially in wine-producing regions, where the vino is regarded as much a food as a beverage.
5. WE ARE WORKAHOLICS
Except in a few major economic centers, London in particular, the locals aren't going to be terribly interested in hearing your workplace war stories, how much money you're spending on your vacation, or how much your house back in the States cost. The country you are visiting may even have strict rules or customs about the length of a work week. But more importantly, Europeans just know how to pursue a work/life balance more healthfully than Americans: Take time to sit down for coffee and a croissant in the morning, consider an afternoon nap (if you're staying with your Italian cousins, they may insist on it!), and if you head out to dinner in, say, Barcelona, expect the tapas to go around the table well into the wee hours. Relax!
6. WE ARE SCARED OF NUDITY
Whoa. Really? But isn't American culture awash in cutting-edge body parts and potty mouth? Yes, and that's actually a sign of our priggish problem. In many European cultures, the human body is considered simply, well, the human body. Our fascination with certain anatomical features is not shared by Europeans. That's why in some regions of Europe you'll see nude bathing and hear jokes that would make your mother blush. Next time you see a photo of the inscrutable Catalan Christmas pooper, just say to yourself, "Don't judge. Remember, you are a prude."
7. WE ONLY SPEAK ENGLISH
Duolingo, people. Duolingo.
8. WE ARE UNCULTURED
Be honest. Did you even know that "Sochi" was a thing before the Russian city hosted the Winter Games? Is Trieste in Switzerland, Croatia, or France? We're not suggesting that you prepare for a geography bee before boarding your Paris-bound plane. But, gosh, get some arrondissements into your short-term memory, remember that Marseille is France's second-largest city, and understand that "Omaha Beach" is not what the French call that stretch of Normandy coast. (Btw, Trieste is in Italy.)
9. WE NEED THE FASHION POLICE
This applies to American men more than women, and it's difficult to argue. On any given street of any given European town on any given day, I will not be able to compete with the stylish dress of the gents who pass my way. While a few decades ago this may not have been the case (I can imagine Don Draper holding his own against an onslaught of silk-suited Florentines), my generation has admittedly opted to dress like overgrown boys, and our T-shirts, baggy jeans, and five o'clock shadows scream "Yank."
10. WE DON'T KNOW OUR OWN HISTORY
I say kudos to Europe's schools for instilling in their citizenry the ability to understand the difference between Bill Clinton and George Clinton. Unfortunately, Americans' grasp of European and even American history is often as sketchy as their grasp of geography. So just know that when you drop a name like Churchill or Garibaldi overseas, you are inviting a conversation in which you may eventually be called upon to remember who sold President Thomas Jefferson the 800,000+ square miles that now comprises all or parts of Arkansas, Missouri, Iowa, Oklahoma, Kansas, Nebraska, Minnesota, North and South Dakota, New Mexico, Texas, Colorado, Montana, Wyoming, and, of course, Louisiana.
(Psst! It was France.)
Confessions of a Luggage Tester
Of course you expect every zipper, strap, axle, and handle on your suitcase to hold up under the pressures of flying. But you know who’s really got your back? Mike Mulvey, a quality engineer at luggage brand Travelpro International’s testing facility. Here, he unpacks some of the secrets of the trade. Q: What does a luggage tester do?A: Most of Travelpro’s products carry a lifetime warranty, so it’s my responsibility to run all of our luggage lines and fabrics through a series of exacting tests designed to replicate the punishment a bag will face in the real world. Q: What are your favorite kinds of tests?A: Lifting a bag loaded with 70 pounds of stuff and dropping it at 24 different orientations at subzero temperatures in less than a minute for our “cold crack” test. We also put every bag (and sometimes those of competitors) on our handle-jerking machine, which we call The Enforcer. I’ve seen the handles and shells of competitors’ $1,000 bags break apart under that pressure. Q: How should Budget Travelers keep their stuff safe when traveling?A: After seeing the damage we inflict on luggage during testing, I pack liquids, valuables, and delicate items in the center of the bag to avoid high impact. And I actually prefer to carry on my bags to save time, money, and effort. Q: Gotta ask: Any packing tips you’ve picked up on the job?A: Lay out everything before you start packing so you can see what you want to put where. Use the bag space in the smartest way possible. Avoid empty spaces. I even pack stuff inside my shoes, though you should limit the pairs of shoes you bring because of how heavy they are. Roll your casual clothing to maximize space and avoid wrinkling. Put heavy items on the bottom and folded dress shirts in the lid pocket to keep them sharp. Q: Do you have personal contact with customers?A: We have visitors to our test lab and repair center in Boca Raton, Florida, and they’re always surprised at how rigorous the testing is. Travelpro was the inventor of the original Rollaboard suitcase, so when I’m at the airport, I often approach pilots and flight attendants to tell them what I do and to ask for their “wish lists” for upcoming luggage collections.
Ultimate Guide to Visiting Harry Potter
Two kids who’ve read each Harry Potter book at least twice. And seen every movie. Two parents who want to squeeze every bit of magic out of one day at Universal Studios Hollywood’s Wizarding World of Harry Potter. We arrive early one July morning, park the car, and embark on what will turn out to be one of the most perfect days of our California summer vacation. Our secrets? Read on. EASY TIPS TO STREAMLINE YOUR HARRY POTTER VISIT A little bit of planning goes a long way when tackling a park like Universal Studios Hollywood. Sure, we were there for Harry Potter’s immersive land, but some common-sense tips for visiting Universal (some of which apply to other theme parks as well, of course) worked like one of Hermione’s spells. Buy your tickets online in advance. What could be more fun than approaching the Wizarding World of Harry Potter, its stately towers looming and the unforgettable John Williams film score blaring? How about entering the Wizarding World an hour before normal park hours? You can do that when you buy your tickets online at UniversalStudiosHollywood.com. Early entrance gives you a chance to beat the long lines for the land’s two super-popular rides, Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey, and Flight of the Hippogriff. Download the Universal Studios Hollywood app. You’ll get up-to-date intel on wait times for attractions, set an alert to let you know when wait times are low, suggested itineraries, and even a reminder of where you parked your car. Get a locker. There are locker rentals just inside the park entrance and in additional locations. We used our locker to store snacks, water, sunscreen, and change of clothes. Enjoy Universal City Walk. Between the parking lot and the park entrance, Universal City Walk offers restaurants, shops, and even some fun photo ops. It’s a low-key place to relax before, during, or after your park visit. Give your kids a souvenir budget. The Wizarding World is packed with incredible shops. Grownups will be struck by the high quality of the merchandise, the eye-popping designs, and the sheer volume of products available. But the inevitable “can we pleeeeeease get just one more souvenir?” will almost certainly become a recurring theme unless you give your kids a firm budget. Frankly, it doesn’t matter whether you tell them they can spend $10 or $100 - they just have to know what the limit is, and you have to be prepared to enforce it. Not only will you end up spending only what you feel you can afford, but you’ll also teach your kids a valuable lesson in shopping.Don't forget about the rest of Universal Studios Hollywood. Although we, like some other Harry Potter-obsessed families, no doubt, spent most of our day at the Wizarding World, it goes without saying that Universal is packed with other incredible attractions. A Jurassic Park ride, a Simpsons immersive land, and the classic Universal studio tour are just some of the must-sees. If you opt for a studio tour, do it early in the day while wait times are relatively short. TAKE THESE RIDES FIRST The wait times for the Wizarding World’s two rides can be longer than an hour on a busy day. Regardless of whether you arrive early (thanks to an online ticket purchase) or later in the day, you should head to the rides first, in this order: Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey. Even if wait times are long, this ride is so worth it. As you enter through the castle gates and walk down corridors that will be familiar to fans of the Harry Potter books and films, through Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, you’ll stop in Dumbledore’s office, the iconic classroom for Defence Against the Dark Arts, the Gryffindor common room, and more. As cool as those stops are (you don’t really feel like you’re “waiting” but rather already immersed in the Hogwarts experience), nothing really prepares you for the ride itself, in which you soar above the castle grounds, flying with Harry and friends, facing an array of magical creatures (full disclosure: I was a little scared when the dragon appeared to be exhaling real flames in my general direction). Flight of the Hippogriff. This family-friendly roller coaster is only slightly less packed than the Forbidden Journey, and the ride itself is brief but thrilling. As you wait in line, you pass through the Care of Magical Creatures grounds, Hagrid’s hut, and you even receive instructions about how to approach the Hippogriff (a hybrid eagle-horse). SPEND SOME TIME ENJOYING LIVE ENTERTAINMENT You’ll appreciate the talent and sheer energy that goes into the Wizarding World’s live shows, including: Frog Choir. An exceptionally well trained choir of Hogwarts students sing in the open space near the entrances to Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey and Flight of the Hippogriff, accompanied by their giant frogs, of course. Triwizard Spirit Rally. Kids will love cheering for the procession of wizarding schools on their way to a tournament. YOU’VE GOT TO TRY A BUTTERBEER I was skeptical. Sure, I’d heard from friends and family that the Butterbeer on sale at the Wizarding World was worth every dollar (and it’s a few dollars, believe me). But I wasn’t sure I wanted to load up on cold soda pop first thing in the morning. But the short line at the Butterbeer cart, the beautiful John Williams film score playing from the loudspeakers, and, yes, the eager smiles on my kids’ faces, convinced me to give it a try. And it’s totally worth it, an icy, creamy blend that was especially perfect on a warm July day. EAT AT THREE BROOMSTICKS (OR TRY AN EASY NEARBY ALTERNATIVE) Three Broomsticks restaurant is renowned for its great breakfasts and pub grub such as The Great Feast, Fish & Chips, Shepherd’s Pie, and more. It’s also a charming environment, a nice replica of Merry Olde England in the heart of Southern California. The friendly staff deals with wait times politely and efficiently even on busy days. That said, right outside the entrance to the Wizarding World, there are a variety of restaurants serving Universal guests, and the wait times are often much shorter than at the themed restaurants. On our visit, we opted for Mel’s, a classic California “drive-in” style restaurant whose San Francisco location's interior appeared in George Lucas’s classic coming-of-age film American Graffiti. Mel’s serves up traditional burgers, fries, and shakes for a reasonable price. Basically, we stepped into the America of the 1950s for lunch, then stepped back into Hogwarts for the afternoon. VISIT THESE SHOPS As mentioned above, it’s essential to give kids a souvenir budget, as generous or as chintzy as you please, to avoid constant nagging and potential meltdowns. That said, the shops at the Wizarding World are exceptional and, in their own way, as engaging as the other park attractions. Ollivanders, Makers of Fine Wands Since 382 B.C. This shop literally puts on a show, as you watch a wand choose a wizard in an interactive experience. (On our visit, our older daughter was selected out of the crowd to demonstrate this choosing process.) The shop is packed with character wands, wand sets, and Interactive Wands that allow you to cast spells throughout Hogsmeade, the town-square setting in which the shops and restaurants are arranged. (Park staff are on hand to show kids where and how to use their Interactive Wands throughout Hogsmeade.) Honeydukes. Oh boy. You know that aroma of fresh chocolate when you step into a really good candy shop? Multiply that by 100 and you get the aroma of Honeydukes. Our kids may have spent more time mulling over their souvenir budgets at Honeydukes than anywhere else in the immersive land, with Acid Pops, Exploding Bonbons, Peppermint Toads, Fudge Flies, Fizzing Whizzbees, and Chocolate Frogs, among other sweet treats, lining the shelves. Owl Post. Kids can send letters and postcards through the U.S. mail with a Hogsmeade postmark from Owl Post, which also sells an array of branded stationery, pens, and Wizarding World stamps. And don’t forget to look up at the robotic owls in the rafters of the shop, which is built in the style of a medieval market hall. Then look down at the (replica) owl poop on the stone floors (you can see some in my photograph, above, taken just outside Owl Post).
How to Save Big on NYC Hotels
After the onslaught of travel that defines November and December, January is a notoriously slow month for the hotel industry. It’s a challenge that restaurants face, too, so as a solution, cities like Chicago, New York City, Santa Monica, Kansas City, Asheville, and Oakland offer Restaurant Week, when you can get three-course prix fixe meals at a wide variety of restaurants for a jaw-dropping price. Nancy Friedman took her cues from that movement when she launched Hotel Week NYC in 2012. This year’s takes place from January 5 through 15. 17 PARTICIPATING HOTELS New York is the leading American city for hotel construction, Friedman says, with 55 projects in the works, which translates into nearly 140,000 rooms. Bargain hotel rates aren’t impossible to find in Manhattan on any given day, but Hotel Week offers some pretty exciting steals, mainly because most of the 17 participating hotels are independently owned boutique hotels, the kind that garner attention because of their singular design focus or special amenities. UNIQUE EXPERIENCES AT GREAT PRICES In fact, part of what makes Hotel Week exciting is that it features hotels that are experiences in and of themselves. To whit: a night in the Library Hotel near Grand Central Station, which features books of a different category of the Dewey Decimal system on each of the ten floors, is yours for a cool $200. Same goes for Hotel 50 Bowery, which boasts a lively lobby restaurant with food by “Top Chef” competitor Dale Talde and a rooftop bar with knockout views; the Gansevoort in the Meatpacking District, which features a heated rooftop pool (yes, it’s open in the wintertime) and a lively bar that's popular among locals; the centrally located, ultra-stylish Refinery Hotel, which is designed to winkingly play up the building’s former incarnation as a hat factory; and the James Hotel, part of the super-chic and elegant James Hotel—NoMad. And that’s just to name a few. AN AFFORDABLE STAYCATION FOR NEW YORKERS As far as Friedman sees it, in addition to catering to the countless tourists that visit, Hotel Week is a prime opportunity for locals to indulge in a staycation. “There isn’t anywhere you can find 24-hour entertainment that’s as enjoyable and relaxing as staying in a hotel. No better vacation than getting out of house and having someone make your bed, you don’t have to clean up and it’s okay to throw your clothes on the floor. They you can go down for a drink at night or breakfast in the morning and you don’t have to prepare a thing.”
Cheap Flights for Christmas and New Year's
No plans for the holidays? No problem. Our friends at Skyscanner.com have got big plans for you: They’ve crunched the numbers on Christmas and New Year’s airfares to deliver some truly amazing deals. Your only challenge will be to pick one of these dreamy destinations and book now. CHRISTMAS 2017 FLIGHTS UNDER $400 Houston, TX, to Los Angeles, CA (December 23 – 27). When a city is named for angels and nicknamed Tinseltown, you’d better believe it’s a sweet place to sing “White Christmas” (in fact, Irving Berlin wrote that iconic song in Los Angeles). From the Hollywood Christmas Parade to the L.A. County tree lighting to festivals of lights and music all over Southern California (not to mention the year-round warm beaches, diversity of world-class cuisine, and gorgeous museums), we heartily recommend flying west for the holidays. Washington, DC, to Miami, FL (December 24 – 28). When all you want for Christmas is a sunny beach, Miami delivers. The decidedly design-forward city is brimming with tree-lighting celebrations, holiday sand sculptures, and its always-vibrant medley of cultures and cuisines. Miami, FL, to Denver, CO (December 24 – 29). Ready for a real Winter Wonderland? Your holiday vacation in Denver can include the city’s great museums and public spaces, and a drive up into the Rocky Mountains will put you at the epicenter of Colorado’s epic skiing scene. Orlando, FL, to Salt Lake City, UT (December 24 – 29). Craft beer, amazing choral music, and jaw-dropping mountain trails just outside of town for skiing and snowshoeing make Salt Lake City one of America’s most welcoming holiday cities. Atlanta, GA, to New York, NY (December 23 – 28). You’ve seen NYC decked out in its holiday finery on TV, now drop in for a first-hand experience. From storybook store-window displays to the towering tree at Rockefeller Center, from the timeless grace of The Nutcracker ballet to uptown jazz and gospel celebrations, the Big Apple is welcoming more visitors than ever before. NEW YEAR’S 2017/18 FLIGHTS UNDER $400 Chicago, IL, to Charleston, SC (December 30 – January 7). For a taste of delicious Low Country cuisine, a charming small-town feel, and streets and public spaces that feel like a trip back in time, Charleston is one of our favorite mid-size cities, and its holiday displays, concerts, and unique shopping opportunities will charm you, too. Dallas, TX to San Francisco, CA (December 30 – January 5). A New Year’s Eve stroll through Golden Gate Park to the Pacific Ocean is one of the sweetest ways to say buh-bye to 2017. And San Francisco’s mild winter climate, exceptional wine and food (on every corner), and buzzy party scene make it one of the coolest places to ring in the New Year. Boston, MA, to West Palm Beach, FL (December 30 – January 5). For a warm beach escape with personal pampering available everywhere you turn, Palm Beach is a great spot to catch up with loved ones, eat and drink to whatever extent you like, and drink in the beauty of the Atlantic Ocean. Miami, FL, to Las Vegas, NV (December 30 – January 4). New Year’s Eve. Sin City. Any questions? Detroit, MI to New York, NY (December 30 – January 4). Everything we love about NYC at Christmas is available over the New Year’s weekend as well, and, if Times Square at midnight is on your bucket list, Skyscanner has found a way to get there for a price that won’t break the bank. Skyscanner is a travel search site offering a comprehensive range of flight, hotel, and car rental deals. Skyscanner’s Christmas deals and New Year’s deals are subject to change as we get closer to the holidays.